Walk before you can run.

I went to the gym today. It is the only way for me to get a workout of any kind, and I need to get rid of this pregnancy weight. The gym has a nursery! Hooray!

I did not do much. I spent 25 minutes on the treadmill. Walking. Not running, but walking. And it right about killed me. I was not expecting that. But when I thought about it later, it makes sense. I spent almost all of my third trimester resting and gestating, and then I had a cesarean and had to recover from surgery. It is no wonder I am weak and need to start slow. I just need to stop being so hard on myself and work on it. I can exercise, just not as hard as I used to. I can get there, it will just take more work than I expected.

I just hate being weak. I used to be strong. I was starting to run before I got pregnant. I was able to move and use my body. OR nursing is very physical, and that was part of what I enjoyed about the job. It is an adjustment for me to realize how weak I am. I need to change my expectations, and think about how I treat myself. I can be strong again, it will just be a journey to get there.


I wanted to thank everyone for all your comments on my last post. We are going down to see MIL Thursday evening. I think we feel like we are forced into this trip, and that is not how we wanted to make our first trip with the baby. We will do it, because his side of the family want to see the Little Dude, and they are obviously unable or unwilling to get out here. But the trip will come with mixed feelings. Frustration at feeling like we are rushed into our first trip. Annoyance because it is a pain in the butt to go out there. (We have to clear our calendars, board dogs, get a hotel room, make the trip, and then drive 30 minutes from the hotel to family, and then make the trip back, and pick up the dogs. No rest for the weary.) Fear about how the baby will do. It is a totally new situation, and Hubby's family are loud. They all talk at once, and they all try to be the one who is heard. It can be totally overwhelming. I am afraid that it will be too much for the Little Dude. I hope he does well, but I am scared that he will be terrible. The trip out there is only half the battle. They also may not understand some of what I do with my baby. But it is my baby, and we have what works for us. They do not have to live with him. I hope he gets the naps he wants. He generally naps several times a day.

There is also happiness and celebration as Hubby's side of the family meets the newest member. I know they are all excited to meet the baby. There is that. He is a cute baby. (Not that we are biased.) There is something special about a baby.

I think I am crazy.

Hubby and I are considering a trip to visit MIL and family. ( Yes, with the baby.) MIL has planned to come down and canceled on us 4 times. She just canceled again this week. She has been saying she is coming to visit us since March. It is driving us both a little batty. We keep expecting her, and she cancels at the last minute. Thus, the trip out to see her. Hopefully that will stop the planning and canceling.

I am not happy with how she keeps making plans and then canceling. I know she has a lot of medical issues which prevent her from traveling, and she is dependent on someone else to drive her. But I really feel that if she was really committed to coming out here, she would just do it. They have buses and planes which come out here. We would even be willing to pay for a ticket for her. All she has to do is ask.

The trip across the state usually takes about 4 hours without a little one. With the baby, I am sure it will take longer. We are both nervous about making it, but hopefully it will be fine. Anyone have any advice on traveling with a 3 month old?

Seriously?

I do not think I am taking my birth control very seriously. I have been skipping days, and forgetting to take it. Post cesarean, I know that I need time for my body to heal. I know that I had major surgery, and I know that I should not get pregnant right away. But I just cannot take birth control seriously.

It took us a decade, a lot of money, and a team of medical professionals to get pregnant the first time. And considering male factor was part of our problem, I have a hard time believing I need birth control to prevent pregnancy. Why waste the money? It is not likely to happen.

Granted, our issue is poor morphology, so we do have sperm. Because of that, there is a chance that I could get pregnant. A very small chance. If it does happen, I will take it, but I am not expecting much.

I do not think I am going to refill my birth control prescription. Between breastfeeding and MFI, the chances of me getting pregnant are really low.

If you are infertile, you have built in birth control.

Just stuff...

Totally wish I had more to post about for ICLW. Not much going on, really. I am spending time with my Little Dude, hiking local trails with my mother, and trying to find space for me. That is harder to do with a little one than one would think. Babies are a lot of work!

I did get a chance to sew yesterday. I make baby blankets for my little one, and I actually got one finished. Only took the entire afternoon. And it is only straight line sewing. Had I been uninterrupted, it would not have taken so long. At least I got it finished. Maybe this means that I can do one a day? We will see. I also have the thought to make some bibs for him, too. He is quite the prolific drooler. (Apparently I have a precocious teether. The drool is incredible. Bibs are a life saver!)

I may go hiking with my mother again today. It is another beautiful day, and the hikes are good for baby and me. I am not sure where we will go. She gets to choose the trail this time.

My mother in law is coming next week, I think. She has been threatening to come down here for a couple months, but kept canceling on us. We are hopeful that next week will be it. Finally. Apparently they rented a car for the trip, so hopefully that means they are committed to actually making the trip. I know she has been anxious to see her grandson. It is difficult for her to make the trip across the state. She has a lot of health problems, and is dependent on others to drive her. Really hoping next week is it.

My parents helped hang things in our nursery. Horton had fallen down, and we had a solar system mobile I wanted to hang. Thanks to my parents the nursery looks finished, finally! Here are a few pics, in case you forgot...

The solar system. And for those astonomy buff out there, it only has 8 planets, so it is correct.


And here is a pic of the Little Dude watching the mobile. He really likes it!


And this is the Horton my sister made for me. I am so glad he is back ib the wall!


Hope everyone has a great day!

Welcome IComLeavWe!

I have been a terrible commenter lately, and needed some motivation to start commenting again. IComLeavWe should help get me commenting again. And it is really fun to explore the blog community. I have been a recluse of late.

Just a little bit about me, and where I am at right now...

Hubby and I have been married almost 14 years now. It is hard to believe we have been married that long! Our family consists of Hubby and me, our two Great Danes, and our three month old baby. I think that Hubby and I are still amazed that we have a baby. The road here was a long and difficult one. It took 10 years, a PCOS diagnosis, a male factor diagnosis, 3 IUIs with clomid, 3 IUIs with injectables, a round of IVF, and a bumpy pregnancy, but we got a happy healthy baby at the end of it all. Absolutely amazing.

I think I finally have my work situation sorted. I going back to work in the OR the first week in May. I am going back flex time, and only working two days a week for eight hours. It feels right for me. Hopefully it will continue to feel right after I start. At the moment I am enjoying not working at all and having unlimited time with my Little Dude.

I found that I am really into baby wearing, and may post more on that this week. I have a couple carriers, and want to buy more. I think I am addicted. I also co-sleep, and breastfeed. That being said, I am by no means a crunchy granola type. I buy processed food often, don't stress over organic food, and I work in an OR. I take what works and what feels good. I think most parents do the same thing. You have to find what works for you.

I am still trying to figure out how to be me and be a mother. In the years it took to get here, I went to school, I worked, and those experiences made me who I am today. I do not want to lose that because I am a mother, too. Yes, my baby is important to me, but I am important, too. I am not going to live through my son. I want to experience things for me. My Little Dude gets to be his own person, and experience the world for himself.

I still feel infertile. I guess because it was a part of my life for so long. There is also the likelihood that we will have to do an FET cycle in order to have another child. (I had a lot of eggs and a few embryos from the IVF cycle.) I am not quite ready to do that, yet. But I know it is there. I will say that I have been sloppy with the birth control. If we conceive naturally, that is great. But I am not expecting to. Considering what it took to get here, I think chances of a natural conception are pretty slim.

Anyway, that is where I am at right now. If you have questions, or want to know more about something, let me know. Looking forward to getting to know you this week!

Another year older.

Today is my birthday! Happy Birthday to me!

No big plans for today. Our house cleaner comes today, and a friend is coming over to deliver farm food. My celebration will actually be tomorrow. My parents are taking the Little Dude for the afternoon, and then we are going to have dinner with them. My mother wanted a party, and Sunday just worked out better for everyone.

I may try to make it to the Baby and Birth Expo today. A local babywearer makes Mei Teis, and I wanted to try one. We will see if that actually happens, though.


And now for the pics I promised you!

Our tomato plants....
I think all the pots are great!


And a pic of the little dude! Just because.

One year ago...

One year ago, I was in the middle of an IVF cycle. One year ago, my little dude was only an idea in our heads. It is hard to believe that he is three months old already.

He has grown so much, and continues to change every day. He loves to push up with his legs and "stand." He can hold his head up fairly well when he is on his belly. He loves to roll around anywhere he can. We can tell that he is eager to move by himself. He keeps trying, though. Ever time we put hum on his tummy, he moves like he is going to crawl. He does not have the arm strength or head control yet to actually make it happen. I just know that one day he will just take off, and things will never be the same.

Hubby put tomato plants in. We put fewer plants per pot, and had to buy more pots. The front of our house now has a line of pots almost all the way across. It is pretty funny.

I will try to post pics soon. Just as soon as I find the camera and the cord....

Help for a fellow blogger.

I know that many of you all have experience with MFI and some of you have experience with DS. BumpyJourney's hubby has questions about the male side of things. Please go over and share your experiences, and answer some of his questions if you can.
I know both of them would appreciate it.

You can find the post here.

Still here

I have not dropped off the face of the earth. Really. Just really lazy with posting.

This post is going to be a little random, as my attention span is very short right now.

Nursing is going well. I really like the time with the little dude, and he loves the time with me. And it is damn convenient. Pumping is not a huge deal, especially with a good pump. Though finding the time recently has been a challenge. Hubby has been watching the baby when I pump, which works our well when he is available. I have been trying to pump soon after I get up in the morning, when Little Dude is full and happy and Hubby is available and milk production is high.

I love co-sleeping! Absolutely love it! Everyone gets sleep, and I get to cuddle with the baby. I suspect that I will be one of those parents that co-sleeps as long as possible.

I will be going back to work by the end of the month. I am going back flex, working two days a week. We are keeping the subsidized COBRA for insurance. (Now that they approved it. Idiots. Insurance companies suck.) My employee health visit is Wednesday, and I will likely start about a week after that.

We found a great childcare provider for the Little Dude while I am at work. Both Hubby and I like the place, and the people that run it. One thing I think is great is that Hubby will drop off the Little Dude. I think that is going to be a lot easier on me. Now we need a weekend/evening sitter so we can go on dates. I am working on that. Really.

I will leave you with some pics taken on Easter, With everyone in their Easter finery.