It always feels good to have a plan. Now if I coud just stick to it!

OK, After some thought I think I see what I need to do to start losing weight. I think I am not drinking enough water. I am not distinguishing between hunger signals and thirsty signals. And because I am breastfeeding I really need the water! I need to try drinking water before searching for a snack. Otherwise I will end up putting anything in my mouth, and that is not good.

I also still need to do better with my WW food journal, but I am trying. I think I will try recording food over the weekend. Hopefully it will start to become a habit. I keep forgetting to journal because I get caught up with the baby, and before I know it, the day is gone and I have not recorded anything for the day. Sigh. I need to make this a priority, as it is not good for me to be at this weight.

One of my first goals is to get under 200 pounds. I think it will take me a few months to get there, but I know I can do it. I have done it before. It takes a lot of work, but I know I can do it. I really hate being this heavy.

Hopefully I will be able to get to the gym this afternoon. I have a well-baby visit this morning, and then I will likely come home for lunch and recover from the trauma of all those shots. If he sleeps for a while, I may just hop on the treadmill here. we will see what happens. May post later with the results of the well baby visit.

Just cause I have a few minutes...

There is nothing profound I want to write about. But I am still here, reading, and commenting a little.

I was thinking about my weight today. I am huge. I looked in the mirror and saw a fat person. I need to lose around 60 pounds to get close to what I ought to weigh. Hubby and I signed up for WW a while back, and I have only been doing a half-assed job of it. Not recording my food every day. Not recording everything I eat. Saving my bonus points for the weekend, and then using that as an excuse to not record food over the weekend. I have been trying to do better with exercise, and that is becoming a more regular part of my life.

But I am not losing weight. The scale is stuck at the same number. I know it is only a number, but numbers count in WW. I am going to try to record my food every day, even on the weekends. And record everything I eat. Hopefully that will get me losing again.

I hate that weight is an issue again. I hate being this large, but at least I can do something about it! I have the tools, I just need to use them!

Feelin' Groovy!

Just feeling sort of good lately. The cold which had descended on the house is finally starting to lift. Both the Little Dude and the Hubby are starting to feel better. Which means I am starting to feel better.

I also feel like I am getting a handle on this mother stuff. Of course, that means that change is in the air, so I should not get too comfortable. We suspect that Little Dude will crawl early. At four months, he is already sitting up fairly well (with only a small amount of assistance), and he can roll from back to front. He loves spending time on his belly. trying to crawl. In fact, if you put him on his back, he will roll over to his belly. This makes diaper changes interesting. I have a hunch that once he starts crawling. it will be all we can do to keep up. This boy wants to move!

I love the fact that the Little Dude is growing up so well, and it is so much fun letting him try new things. My mother and I took him into the pool today. The water was a little cool still, so I did not let him stay in very long. He was sort of fascinated by it, and not really sure what to make of the whole thing. I am sure that he eventually will come to love swimming. All kids love to swim. Thank goodness that I am a water baby, too. I m looking forward to going to the pool with him next summer.

This weekend we do not have much planned. We need to attend church on Sunday, and the house cleaner comes on Saturday, but that is about it. We are hopefully going to have a date night which lasts more than three hours. That is the hope, at any rate. We will see what happens. I would like some special time with just the two of us.

Journeys

I recently read a blog post written by a college classmate which got me thinking about my journey.

She talked about looking back and thinking about how great the old days were. It is very easy to remember the good things, and forget about the bad stuff. Before we had the Little Dude we were very independent. We could travel easily, go out when we wanted, without worrying about a little one. We had gotten very complacent about our lives without children. I suspect that if IVF had not worked, we would be living child-free.

But the nice things are not the only things I want to remember from that time. I also remember the pain of hearing yet another pregnancy announcement. (Pregnancy announcement were especially painful if I had my period.) Avoiding baby showers. Avoiding baby stores, and baby sections of stores. Wondering when it will be my turn. Being angry with my body for failing me. That experience should not be discounted. It is part of what made me who I am now.

Now that we have the little one, a lot has changed. We now have the little one to worry about. We need to plan and coordinate our nights out. I have to stop every few hours and feed the baby. Many blog posts are one handed now as I spend a lot of time holding the baby. I miss having big chunks of quiet time to journal, meditate, or blog. (We have not gotten into regular napping schedules, yet.) Blog posts come when I have the time, and they are often rushed. Right now, I can only do so much. Which is as it should be, I think.

I would not trade this experience for anything, though. One thing IF has taught me is that any moment with your child is special. I know how fortunate I am to have the Little Dude. I know what a miracle he is. I very likely know this in ways that fertiles don't. It is amazing that he is even here. Every moment is precious. Often I miss opportunities for writing because I am spending time with the baby. I want to treasure every moment. It will never be like this again.

Right now I think it is important that I learn to enjoy the journey. He is changing so fast, and I am changing along with him. I am trying not to think ahead and live in the present moment. That is one of the best things I can do for my little one. From experience I know that this is difficult for me to do. I plan, I worry, I want the best possible outcome. I am trying to change that. It all comes back to "Do without doing." If I do not force things, I will end up where I need to be. I just need to go with the flow.

So for right now, I am trying to keep breathing and enjoy today as much as possible.

The latest

Since I am posting pics everywhere else, my blog should not be left out.


I sort of like this pic of the baby in the mei tei.


My sister and I on a a walk in the woods.


The Little Dude visiting with the in-laws.

The Little Dude and I for a walk in the woods. I am wearing the Ergo carrier.

Mother's Day happened?

Mother's day was sort of an odd day for us this year. We did not have a lot of time to plan for it or anticipate it. The weekend before mother's day we were out of town visiting the in-laws. Last week I also started back to work. Those are two big events which did not leave us a lot of time to plan for anything.

We ended up celebrating mother's day on Saturday, as that was when my sister was able to be with us. She has not seen out Little Dude since birth. I took a nice hike with my parents and my sister on Saturday. Saturday evening we had a cook out. My mother grilled steaks, and Hubby made french fries. We also had a salad with it. A nice dinner. It was really good seeing my sister. The Little Dude just loved her! Lots of smiles and laughing was directed at my sister. It was really neat to see.

On Sunday we went to church. I was apparently the newest mother in attendance, though not the youngest. They gave all the mothers flowers, and I got a geranium from the nursery people, which was really sweet. It felt strange to be included in the Mother's Day acknowledgements, though. I know I am a mother, but it just felt so different. For years, I would hide on Mother's day, just to avoid the hoopla. I was used to hiding and trying to pretend that Mother's Day does not exist. It was a little shocking to suddenly be put in the middle of it all. I am now the one getting the gifts, rather than giving them. It just all felt strange to me.

Sunday afternoon, FIL and his wife took the baby for a few hours. Hubby and I went out to lunch, then came home and napped. A very nice afternoon, overall. And the Little Dude did great, apparently. He was generally happy, and easily soothed. They got the chance to show him off. I am so glad the visit went well. Hopefully they will want to do it again.

Overall not too bad a weekend. It was good to see my family, and I got through my first Mother's Day as a mother.

Monday was back to work. Work is going well. People are happy I am back, which is really neat. It is nice to be missed, and nice to be appreciated, at least by my co-workers. Management lives in their own little reality, so I doubt they even noticed my return.

Whew! I did it!

I managed to make it through the day at work. It was a lot easier on me having Hubby drop off the Little Dude this morning. I was nervous leaving the baby, but he did fine. The Little Dude cried some after I left, but then settled back down. He cried all morning at the day care. But then he took a nap. The providers said that he was much better after a nap. After his nap, he smiled and laughed with everyone. When I went to pick him up, he was not crying. He did not even seem upset, and was taking a bottle. The Little Dude seemed fairly content. I think he was happy to see me, though. He then fell asleep in the car on the way home a slept for the next two hours. I think he wore himself out today. He is also sleeping well tonight.

For me, my first day back at work went well. Apparently, I was missed. The few cheers I got when I walked into in=service this morning were a little embarrassing, but sort of neat. And then I could not go anywhere without someone telling me how glad they were that I was back. I also got the dirt on what has been going on since I have been gone. Things are really bad. I am not all that surprised. I was surprised by how many nurses are leaving. A couple left while I was out on leave, and about five more are leaving soon. We also have four docs leaving. I really think that says something about the management of the OR. Something has to change, but I doubt it will change soon. It is really sad to see so many good people leaving because of idiotic management. I hope with all of these people leaving, it sends a message to someone. Something needs to be done.

It was nice to have time away from the baby. I actually felt sort of refreshed after I got home today. I had the energy to pick up a little in the living room, dining room, and guest bedroom. I also washed my pump stuff, and finished loading the dishwasher, and actually started it. It felt really good to get stuff done around the house.

I hope that by working flex, I get away from some of the awful management at work. I know I cannot escape it all. At least my team leader was excited to see me back. Maybe that means I will get to be in gyno surgeries more often. We can only hope...

Now I have a day off tomorrow before a half day of computer training on Friday. I plan on trying to get to the gym tomorrow, have lunch with my parents, and spend lots of time with my Little Dude. A good day!

One down, one to go...

The trip to see MIL went well. Little Dude traveled well, and was mostly well behaved. (Well, he is a baby. There is really only so good he is going to do.) MIL, and the rest of the in-laws loved him. He was a hit all the way around. He got passed around a lot, and he gave everyone his cute little smile. Hopefully, MIL will be able to get out here some time this summer. I will believe it when I see it, though.

My next big event is starting work. I start on Wednesday. I am nervous and excited. I am sure it will be fine, and go well. But I am nervous about it. I hope the nervousness will pass after a day or two. Oh yeah, I still need to get my paperwork done for the day care. I guess I will do that tomorrow. I have the physical, I just need to fill in the paperwork. Hopefully it will not take too long.

Little Dude is getting more active every day. He will roll from front to back, if put on his belly. He really likes to be on his belly now. He can puch himself up and look around. He will make crawling motions, but he does not have the arm or leg strength to make it happen. I am sure that it will happen before long.

Our Little Dude also likes to pet our dogs. If we put him close enough, he will move his little hand across their backs. It is really cute. Of course, our dogs are big enough to hit easily. It is hard to miss something as big as a wall.

OK, off to bed now before I fall over from fatigue. I think I overdid today. At least tomorrow I can take it easy.