A few pics.

Because I have not posted pics in a while...


He is so damn cute!



All my boys sitting together! I love this pic!

Sigh.

I have my interview on Wednesday, I feel like a large lump from the pregnancy weight which has not disappeared, and AF decided she wanted to join the party. What fun.

And then, my father sends me this article on for profit trade schools. I think he was trying to be helpful, but I already know a lot about what I am getting into. The school I am interviewing as it a lot smaller than ITT or any of the other large trade schools. They are independent, apparently, I know that the practical nursing program I will be teaching in is not accredited. The school itself has many accreditations, which I think is a good thing. They are open about which programs are accredited, and which programs are not. My friend who works there said that they are trying to get accreditation for their nursing program, but they have a lot of work to do before they get it. Apparently their pass rates for the boards are really low, and they need to increase their pass rates before they are eligible for accreditation. I am sure there are other requirements, but passing the boards is a biggie. My friend really wants to increase the quality of the instructors, hoping that will help. I am looking at it as just a job. If I do not feel right about it at the interview, I will not take it.

Nursing programs are actually fairly well regulated. In order to attract students, you have to have the ability to get students to pass the boards. Class sizes are regulated, and there are certain standards which have to be met by nursing programs, accredited or not. I know class size is capped, and I am sure there are education standards which have to be met. I have a hunch that this school is working toward accreditation, but I am going to ask just to be sure. That will tell me a lot about this program and whether I actually want to work for them. Hopefully they will be up front about their accreditation status, and I will take it as a good sign if they ask about me returning to graduate school.

I think the job will be fine, and fits with how I want to work right now. I will likely take it if offered, provided things go well at the interview.

The bright spot right now is that I am getting sleep! AC has started sleeping 6 hours at a stretch at night, and he is taking a decent nap in the morning. Hooray for sleep! I feel way more human now.

Weight loss is going slow. I think I need to take this in small steps, as it feels like everything is different with a baby. What I know I can do now is watch what I eat. I have been eating way too much junk, in general, and I need to change that. I think that is a good first step.

Working statistics

Just to highlight how awful things are for mothers in the US, I came across this post by Katrina at Working Mom's break.

What’s the problem?

Very interesting reading. We work so hard to become mothers, and then become penalized in our careers when we finally do. Definitely not fair.

Makes me realize how lucky I am to be able to absorb the penalties of working part time. I am fortunate to be married to a husband who is able to support me. I can work for spending money, which is really nice. Not everyone is able to take the pay cut. The teaching position I am interviewing for on Wednesday will likely be a major pay cut for me. I am not sure how I feel about that. I am already pretty dependent on Hubby financially, and he is fine with that. I also have gotten more comfortable with it over the last few months. He makes more than I do, even if I went back to my old job or worked full time. It just makes sense. Eventually I may do more, but right now part time feels good.

This changes everythig!

The teaching position is still up for grabs! They called today asking if I was still interested. Um, yes!

This would be a great time for me to switch jobs, as I am not not the payroll for my old job anymore. This job is a part time teaching position. I think it will be two days a week of teaching and I may be able to do some stuff from home (like planning). I think they can offer me benefits, too. My mother is more willing to watch the baby with this job than the OR position. My mother could bring the baby to me in the middle of the day so that I could nurse him, and it is only two days a week. I am fairly sure I will have somewhere private to pump, and I am more confident I would have the time. And I want to get back to teaching!

I have an interview on Wednesday. We will see what happens. Keep fingers crossed!

Oh, if I only had more time.

I really should not complain. I think I am going to end up with more than eight weeks of leave. I still do not have a start date at work, but I have made moves to go back. I contacted my supervisor and told her that I was medically clear to return to work, and that I wanted to return part time. I had to re-apply for my position, but that is all right. It is part time, so I will not have as many hours. I still have to work 24 hours a week in order to keep my benefits, but that is not terrible. Three 8 hour days seems not too bad right now. A lot less daunting than a full time position. Especially if I can keep a regular schedule. Unfortunately, I think we are without insurance this month. We will see when we go back to our ped's office. I never received COBRA info, and I thought that they had to do that before stopping your insurance. (I think I need to make a call to HR....)

I should not start getting upset yet, as I still have time, and I still not not have a start date. I still have time to spend with my baby! Trying to remember to breathe, and take the time to enjoy these days with my little dude. Honestly, I will not be upset if it takes me until April to start back. I think it will be fine.

I know that these feelings of guilt and ambivilence are normal for mothers returning to work. It is difficult to go back. It is also difficult to stay home. (At least from my perspective.) You sacrifice something no matter what you do. Blogher had an interesting post on this subject. If I stayed home, I would sacrifice a fulfilling career. Going back to work, I sacrifice time with my little one in order to feel fulfilled. It is not an easy decision to make, whatever you choose. I am choosing back back to work with a reduced schedule. I hope that this works for me. I hope I do not resent the choice I made. A lot of women work outside the home, and many go back while their baby is still an infant. Also, we need health insurance for our little one (and ourselves!)

It does not help matters that my mother does not appear to be supportive of my choice to go back to work. Hubby says that it may be that she does not have any experience with this, as she was a stay at home mom. I think that is true, to a certain extent. We also think very differently and live our lives very differently. My mother is an artist, and she does not work outside the home. She is very, very right brained. I have worked or gone to school ever since college. I am relatively analytical and I tend toward type A behavior. I am more left brained. We are so different, it is often difficult for us to see the other's point of view.

My mother moved down here to help us with childcare. She really wanted to be the childcare provider for the first year. I would have loved to have her as a childcare provider for the little dude's first year. Unfortunately, she is unable to do this, because of her retina surgery. I think it was a hard thing for her to admit. She was unable to tell me straight that she could not do it, and I am beginning to learn that subtle does not work in our relationship. We think so differently that we have to be clear about what we want and need. And even then, we often hear things wrong. It is really frustrating. All we can do is keep trying.

My work is important to me. Not to mention, I love having the income. I am fortunate in the fact that I am not dependent on my income, so I can work part time. I know that there are others who are not so fortunate.

Somewhere along the line, I decided that I wanted to have a job and have a family. I wanted both, knowing that it is not easy. Growing up I had two role models. My mother, who stayed at home with my sister and I, and my aunt who works and never had children. Looking at both of them, I realized that I wanted the best of both worlds. I wanted a fulfilling career, and I wanted a husband and "2.5" children. I know that it is not easy, but I married a man who will support me as I pursue this. I chose a career that has a lot of mothers already in it, and is very rewarding to me. I honestly do not think I ever considered not working. Now I have to work through the guilt and fear that comes with this decision.

Losing it.

Sigh. The time has come to deal with the leftover pregnancy weight. I broke down and signed up for Weight.watchers. It has been years since I have weighed this much, and none of my clothes fit. (I cannot admit the weight yet, I am just way too depressed by the number.) I have to go and buy jeans that fit because I am a good 40 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. It is so depressing to buy clothes when I am this heavy. At least I am starting to do something about it. And breastfeeding should help it come off easier. Small comfort, as I know it is going to be a lot of work to get that weight off. At least I have a treadmill and a fitness ball at home. I do not need to go anywhere to work out, which is really convenient.

My pursuit of childcare seems to be going well. There is one person I like, and I may just make an appointment to meet with her even though I have not started calling her references. She sent me a resume with references when I asked for more info. That is having it together! She is also five minutes from my work. Her work experience looks great, and her background check came out clear. I need to jump on it! I may call her this morning.

I also need to call my supervisor. I sent her two emails, and she has not responded to either one. I need to break down and call. I need to confirm a start date, and a few other things about me returning. It is frustrating that I have not gotten any sort of response. But she is a bit of a flake, so I cannot say I am very surprised.

The phone calls will likely be a challenge with the baby, but I will try. I need to make them at some point, and the sooner I make them, the better.

I have not updated in a while...

But not much is going on.

I had an eye appointment yesterday, and I left the baby with my mother while I was at the appointment. Little dude cried almost the entire time. I felt bad for him, and bad for my mother. My mother is very committed to making the childcare arrangement work, but she is just beginning to see how much work it will be. I hope it gets easier on both of them I would like to find someone who can help her with childcare while I am at work, but it is difficult to find someone who will work in someone's home. I would hate it if my little dude cried the entire day while I was at work. They offered us a date night this weekend, and we may take them up on the offer. I hope he does better this time. We will see.

I feel awful that he cried the entire time I was at my appointment. He is very attached to me right now, and I think he knew that I was not there. I really hope it gets better for him. I think it was less stressful for him because he knows my mother, and she loves him to pieces. But it was still hard for him to be away from me, and hard on my mother as she could not calm him. I truly hope it gets easier to leave him.

Other than that, things seem to be going well with AC. He nurses well, and is starting to roll over
on his side. He will smile when he sees Hubby and me. He also smiled at the dog this morning. Too bad the dog could not smile back! He is sleeping better, and I am learning to function on slightly less sleep. Caffeine is a necessary part of my morning.

No major plans for the weekend, other than a date night. If the weather stays the same as it is today, it looks like we will have a nice weekend. Hopefully we will be able to take advantage of it.


Edit: Update to the update. I talked with my parents, and apparently there has been a miscommunication. I am not sure whether I heard wrong, or my mother was unclear, or if it was a bit of both. My mother has decided that she is not able to watch little AC right now. My mother recently had retina surgery, and in order for the recovery to go smoothly she has to be still and calm. She is really upset about not being able to watch the little dude. My parents are willing to do childcare on the weekends when my dad is able to help, but she cannot watch him for full days right now. Believe it or not, I am fine with this. I just wish I would have gotten the message earlier. I still have time to find someone, and hopefully I will. I have already looked at Craigs.list, and there look to be some possibilities there. Thank goodness my husband can do back ground checks easily!