Merry Christmas!

Baby's first Christmas was a success!  He loved everything, but the dump trucks were by far the biggest hit.  He loves a good dump truck.  I will try to post pics soon, but we did not take very many.  We are poor photographers over here.  We even got some snow!  I cannot remember the last time we actually had a white Christmas.

Everyone had a nice morning, and I am looking forward to a relaxing weekend.  No pressures, no where to be.  I think that is the biggest gift for me.

The Christmas ham is in the oven.  Hubby wanted a country cured ham for Christmas dinner, so I bought one.  This is the first year we are doing a country ham, and both of us are really excited about it.  We soaked it part of yesterday, and all last night, and we are cooking it low and slow.  So it should turn out well.

Hope everyone enjoys the day, no matter whether you are celebrating or not!

Oh the joys of Christmas.

I have been meaning to do a post on my thoughts on Christmas.  It is different for us this year.  There is more a sense of anticipation and excitement.  We have our child involved with Christmas this year.

Two or three years ago, I hid from Christmas.  The Christmas story was painful to hear, not joyous.  I felt resentful and not a little bit bitter.  When I think about it, it all comes back to me.  Everyone is talking about the "Christmas miracle" and I am wondering where the hell is my miracle!  When is it my turn?  It did not help that the story focused on a baby.  The very thing I lusted after.  Yearned for.  Christmas made me feel empty and I felt shoved to the side.  I stopped going to church over the Christmas season to avoid getting hurt.  I hated having people see me cry.  I had nothing to wait for.  No miracle at my home.

The only thing I kept during all of the years I avoided church was the pagan tradition of the Christmas tree.  For some reason I could not let that go.  Sure it hurt that there was no potential for ornaments from our children, but we could make the tree whatever we wanted.  In the year or two before  got pregnant, I had pretty much given up hope that we would have a child, and I was trying to reconcile myself to a child-free life.  At that point, I thought we could decorate the tree with ornaments bought on our vacations.  So I started buying ornaments from the vacations we took.  We have a saguaro from Arizona a couple of years ago, an oyster shell Santa from the beach last year.  I think it helped that I could make the tree whatever we wanted.

Last year, I was pregnant during Christmas, and pretty much on rest.  Yeah, it was a miserable way to spend Christmas, but at least we did not have to travel.  I found I could connect with the advent story, as I was waiting for my miracle to arrive.  And I truly feel he was a miracle, from start to finish.  It was strange, though.  Christmas felt bigger to me last year.  Likely because I was tapping into the anticipation of advent.  I was used to being pregnant, but had no idea how to be a mother to an infant.  I was ready to meet my son, but scared out of my mind.  Not to mention, I felt like crap from the pregnancy.  I hate to say that it was probably a crappy Christmas for Hubby.  I hope I make up for it this year.

This year we are having a very low key Christmas.  We are not traveling, and it will just be Hubby, Little Dude, the dogs, and me.  Oh, and no Santa visit.  (Who needs to see a crying baby in Santa's lap?)  I think that is really best for a baby's first Christmas.  For Hubby and I there is a sense of anticipation which was not there last year.  We are introducing baby to Christmas for the first time this year.  I think that is pretty exciting.  Both of us love Christmas, and we are looking forward to sharing that excitement with our son.  Not sure how much of it he understands right now, but we are enjoying it.

Christmas for us has changed for us the past couple of years, and I suspect it will change again as Little Dude grows up and begins to understand more about what is happening around him.  But it is a nice change to not dread a favorite holiday anymore.  We have something to look forward to this Christmas:  watching our son open presents and play with his new toys.  We have the gift of life to celebrate.  We can also celebrate surviving almost an entire year of being parents.  I think that is a big accomplishment!

final is done!

Final is done and graded, and final grades are recorded.  I was not up too late with that last night.  Actually, it was the baby which kept us awake all night.  He woke up at 10:30, 12:30, and 1:30.  I think.  By 1:30 I was a little hazy on the specific times, but I think that is close enough.  I BF at 10:30, gave ibuprofen and BF at 12:30, and then gave up.  Mommy does not do playtime in the middle of the night, and I was fairly sure I was out of breast milk.  I was willing to let him cry because I am fairly sure that he wanted to play and I was not willing to let him.  He probably would have gotten to sleep eventually.  But Hubby got up at 1:30 and gave him a bottle and let him play a bit before putting him down.

Now I have to work today, so I am up at 5 AM trying to get ready for work.  Hubby is sleeping in a little.  I think he has to wake up soon to fix me coffee and shower before I leave.  I think I am going to need coffee today!

We did take our dog to Virginia Tech.  This is the second dog we have taken there, and I have been very impressed with the care they give our pets.  They told us that Gertrude's incontinence is likely caused by glomerulo.nephritis, which is the result of an inflammatory process.  The inflammatory process is likely caused by a mass resulting from reproductive tissue.  The mass has a low rate of metastasis, and has not obviously metastasized yet, so she should get better if it is taken out.  I think we are also going to start her on an ACE inhibitor to help her retain protein.  She is spilling a lot of protein in her urine, which is results in low blood protein levels.  Hopefully the new medication will help the incontinence.  She goes in January 3 for the surgery consult at Tech, and surgery will likely be January 4.  Basically, I think this is the spay she never got.  I really hope it helps her feel better.

If I cold get some rest, I would feel more in the Christmas spirit.  Right now it feels like just going through the motions.  Hopefully I will get more in the spirit over the next day or two.  Hubby should be up soon to make coffee.  I am going to need it today!

This is hard.

I took Gertrude to the vet school near us to try to figure out what is going on with her.  She has been wetting where she sleeps, peeing in the house because she just cannot hold it.  Our local vet could not come to any conclusions.

They did an ultrasound on her today, and they found a mass sitting on her bladder.  It has a good blood supply, so they did not want to do a needle biopsy until they could sedate her.  So she is staying the night as the vet school tonight so they can sedate her for the biopsy tomorrow.

I am scared for her.  And me, to be honest.  If the mass has a good blood supply, that means that it has been there a while, and is likely cancerous.  If it is cancerous and it has been there a while, that means that it has likely metastasized.  The bottom line is that I think I am losing my dog.

This dog got me through nursing school, infertility treatments, pregnancy, the birth of my baby, and the post-partum period.  In the seven years I have had her we have been through a lot together.  (It is hard to believe it has only been seven years!)  Danes are short lived dogs, and I knew that when I got her, but I refused to think of the future.  Now the future is here, and I have to deal with it.

The house feels sort of empty tonight, despite the fact we have one very large dog and a baby,  There is a hole where Gertrude is.  Oscar seems lost.  I miss her energy.  I know we will get her back tomorrow, but I miss her right now. 

Finding space for my grief with the baby is hard.  I just want to hide and cry, because I hurt.  But the baby needs me and life has to go on.

Fortunately, no decision needs to be made tonight. 

Sick

I have a cold, which is just wiping me out and making me miserable.  I feel like it has been weeks since I have had energy for anything.  After Thanksgiving, I was trying to recover from our Thanksgiving trip.  Last week I had my period.  This week I have a cold.  I feel like I cannot get a break.  Someday I hope to have energy again.

We have not done anything for Christmas, other than some internet shopping.  No tree, no wreath, nothing.  I have not had the energy, or much time.  Hope to change that this weekend.  I plan on buying our tree on Saturday, and we will hopefully set it up on Sunday.

I have posts rattling around in my head, but no time to actually get them on the screen.  I want to do a post on breastfeeding, and another on New Year's resolutions.  I think my pumping days are coming to a close, and I wanted to talk about my feelings on that.  I also have thoughts on a New Year's resolution.  But I have not had the time or energy to get the posts together.

MIL asked if we would get a pic of the baby with Santa.  I said no.  He is not really going to remember it, and I do not want to deal with the hassle of going to see Santa.  Just not happening.  I am sure at some point we will need to g see Santa, but it is not going to be this year.

Gertrude's appointment at the vet school is Monday.  I hope they can give us some answers.

Off to bed soon.  Need to rest while I can.

Just a few minutes before the baby wakes...

I did eventually get sleep that night.  I think Little Dude was just hungry, and my milk is drying up.  His teeth may have also been bothering him, as he has molars coming in.  Once Hubby gave him a bottle of formula, baby went right to sleep.  I am tempted to do a post on breastfeeding, and I may try to do that once things settle down from school.

Gertrude has an appointment at the vet school next Monday.  I hope it goes well, and she can be easily treated.  We are learning to deal better with the incontinence.  We let her out a lot, and we have pads everywhere.  Hopefully the vet school will have some answers.

Last week of class is this week, and I have everything done except the grading.  Well, technically, I have to give a practical today.  But I have already thought of what I want to ask and how I want to do it.   Hopefully all the stuff will be there and I will not have to make too many changes.  We will see.

Cycles have been very short.  At least short for me.  The past couple have been about 21 days.  It feels very bizarre.  Not normal for me.  I am more used to the 30-35 day cycles I had prior to pregnancy.  Not sure how I feel about it yet.

Search for babysitters is moderately successful.  The pastor's daughter we talked to this weekend was very sweet, and I think she will do just fine. We scheduled her for next Sunday.  We were both really glad she met our dogs before we actually booked her.  I have three other potential sitters I need to contact.  Hopefully I can do that this week.  Slowly, but surely we are getting what we need.

Weekends are actually much nicer now that we do not have to work around my parents.  I think all of us are able to relax a little better when we can do things at our own pace.  If my parents want to see him on the weekends, they are more than welcome to.  We have just stopped depending on them for weekend child care.

Our day care is having a Christmas party with a gift exchange.  (I love how they do all sorts of silly things!)  We have to buy a present for a 2.5 year old. Any suggestions?

Baby is waking!  Off to get the baby!

Go to sleep, already!

I am sitting here waiting for the baby to go to sleep.  I have come to realize that mommies cannot sleep while baby is crying.  Tonight is it is driving me insane.  I have fed him, medicated him, changed him.  And he is in there crying like it is the end of the world.  I am done.  I am too damn tired to be patient.  He just needs to sleep, and I need to sleep.  I am over it.  I just wish I could sleep.

I think I see another feeding in my near future.  What else can I do? 

Making it.

We survived the Thanksgiving travel.  Still hate to travel with a 10 month old.  I have a feeling 11.5 months will not be much better.  I believe Hubby and I have decided that after our trip to MIL, 2011 will be the year of the stay-cation.  If we need a vacation from the vacation, it is just not worth it to us.  Eventually he will be easier to travel with, but it is not easy at the moment. 

There is only two weeks left in the semester, and I am almost done.  By the end of next week, I should have everything done except the grading.  I just wish I had the time to finish it now.  I feel like the end is so close!

I have a lot of my Christmas shopping done.  Most of it was done online.  I love the internets!  It makes life so much easier!

OR job is still going well.  I got to sign up for our benefits.  That felt really good!  They should kick in by February of next year.

Gertrude is having incontinence issues.  She is wetting where she sleeps, spilling protein in her urine, and losing weight.  (Despite trying to feed her more.)  Bloodwork was normal, and X-rays were inconclusive, though her chest is clear.  We discovered she has really bad arthritis in her back, so we got her a pain medication, which does make her more comfortable.  I need to make her an appointment with internal medicine at the vet school, but I have not had time to make the phone call.  By Wednesday, really.  I hope this is something easily medicated, and not something really bad.

I did not have time to make a phone call today because I was worried about the baby, and wanted to get his ears checked.  He has not been sleeping as well, pulling at his ears, and he has had a stuffy nose for almost a week.  Turned out not to be his ears, but the doc gave me an antibiotic for his stuffy nose. It was pretty bad.  It has been running like a faucet for a while now.  Hopefully the antibiotic will help clear it up.  Baby does have molars coming in, which could be responsible for all of the above symptoms.

Off to bed.  I have a busy day in outpatient surgery tomorrow!

Tired.

Just so tired tonight.  I had a long day at school yesterday, with both lab and lecture. Then I worked at my other job today.  I have a hunch this will be a long rambling post...

They let me scrub today.  It was great, but I forgot how exhausting it is.  They had me scrubbing eyes.  They seemed pretty excited to have someone who was interested in learning how to scrub eyes, and they are actually following through on teaching me how to do it.  It is nice to learn something new, and I hope I get the hang of it soon.  I know I am no where near being independent at it, but I have only had one day.  I will get it, with time.  Gotta start somewhere.

We are traveling to my grandmother's tomorrow for Thanksgiving.  I hope if we leave late afternoon or early evening, we will get there with minimal issues from the baby.  It does not make it any easier that he is sick.  Just a cold, but it still makes him feel run down.  Probably not fun to travel with unless he is asleep.  I hope it goes well.

The search for babysitters is going well.  Two sitters are coming over next weekend to meet the baby and our dogs.  We feel more comfortable having sitters meet our dogs before leaving them alone in the house with two very large dogs.  It just seemed like a good idea.  I think I have figured out a way to restrict the dogs to the downstairs.  I think Gertrude would be better off if she does not have a lot of interaction with the sitter.  Oscar would probably get along with everyone, but I think he is sort of protective of the baby.  That could be a problem.  He is also pretty bark-y.  That could wake the baby.  Hopefully by restricting him to the downstairs, his barking will not wake the baby.  We are going to try out the new system with someone we know is comfortable with our dogs.  Hopefully it will work.  Keeping fingers crossed.

With my mother, I have had to adjust my expectations of her.  That is difficult for me.  When the baby was first born, she said she wanted to babysit as often as she could.  That has not been the reality.  Hubby and I want a certain amount time together, and she is not able to give us that.  We have to adjust our thinking, and adjust how we do things.  We actually should have found babysitters long ago, but we kept putting it off because my mother seemed willing to take the baby for a while on the weekend.  Overall, I think it will work out for the best. We will be able to do things on our schedule, and the baby's schedule.  We will have more flexibility in what we can do. We can do things a little later in the evening.  We could go see a movie.  We could rent a hotel room for a couple hours.  I think we are about ready for more variety in our dating life.

I am still speaking to my mother, in case you were wondering.  She watches him during the week, and I see her fairly regularly.  She is also more in touch with the rest of the family, and it is good to talk with her about some things.  She does love the baby, but she is less able to keep up with him now that he is really moving.  So things are fine with my mother.  We just do not always communicate with each other very well.  I am very right brained and analytical. She is very, very left brained.  Words can mean different things to each of us.  It can be a bit of an issue.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving.  (If you are here in the US.)  If you are not in the US, I hope the rest of your week goes well.

Ah, family....

They can drive you crazy!

I do not know why this thing with my mother is getting me so upset.  Maybe because she seems to send me mixed messages.  I thought she was fine taking him for a few hours on the weekends.  She likes the baby, and she likes to spend time with the baby.  She seemed to want to take him on the weekends.  For a while, she really wanted to be a baby hog and take him as often as she could.  Now it seems like she has had a complete about-face.  Now she does not want to take him on weekends at all, and is not willing to work with our weekend schedule.  And she refuses to consider a visit longer than two hours with the baby over the weekends.

She does do a lot of child care for us during the week, and that could be taking a toll on her.  I just wish she could have just told me, instead of doing all this other crap.  I always ask her if she is able to watch him over the weekend.  She could have told me "no."  Instead, she says yes, and then she gives me a hard time over a request to pick him up.  All we wanted was a couple of hours to ourselves at the house, and we cannot get it because she is unable to listen to what we need, and did not hear what I asked. 

It feels like it did when she was helping me postpartum.  She had her own ideas about what I needed, and that is what she provided.  She could not see what it was I really needed, and then was unwilling to provide it when I asked.  It often feels like she lives in her own reality, and if something does not fit with that reality she does not acknowledge it at all.  I think at heart it feels like a rejection.  And rejection always hurts.  For some reason this makes me want to cry, though.  Maybe it is just the fatigue.

There is a silver lining to this, though.  Having a sitter and not being dependent on my parents for babysitting duty will allow us to be more flexible in our dating experiences.  We could go out later, and for longer periods of time.  We could go see a band play at our favorite pub.  We could make dinner reservations.  We could go to a hotel for a few hours.  We could see a movie or go to a party.  All we need is a pool of babysitters.  We already have leads on three.  Hopefully they will all get along with the dogs.  That is going to be key to success, I think.

Frustration.

There is a lot of frustration at our house tonight.  We have issues with my parents as weekend child care providers.  What we need and what my mother is willing to provide are not the same.  She is not even willing to listen to what we need, and will not bend at all for us.  Every time I have asked for something simple, like a little extra time or if they are willing to pick him up, she come down on me like a ton of bricks and conclusively states that she is not willing to do that.

All Hubby and I want is a couple hours at the house with out the baby.  That could be easily achieved if they were willing to pick him up from our house.  They generally take him somewhere as soon as we get there, anyway, so it does not seem like a big deal to me.  But when I asked, my mother indicated that she was not willing to change how the evenings go.  Honestly, at this point I am tired of asking.  We want more, and she is not willing to give it.  She does watch him during the week, and that is all she seems willing to do.  So that is all she is going to do.  If she wants to do more, she will have to come to us.  I am done trying to make it work.

On top of this, Gertrude has not been doing well.  She has been having a lot of urinary incontinence.  She has been wetting the couch, and we have been washing covers and dog throws almost daily.  I did take her to the vet, and she does not have a UTI, and she is not spilling sugar.  So it is not diabetes.  But she has lost about 15 pounds, and her urine was very dilute with some protein.  I think that is part of the problem.  The vet did draw labs, but I have not heard back.  I am hoping that it is something treatable and not cancer.  The vet did not feel a mass, so I am holding out some hope.

Oh, and I started my new job last week.  That is pretty nerve wracking.  And it is getting close to the end of the semester, so I have a final push of work.  And the Baby has been sleeping poorly.  I have been up several times a night tending the baby.  I have a lot going on, and I am doing it all without sleep!

I hate it when too many things go pear shaped at the same time.  I feel like a failure as a mother and wife.  None of the things that have gone wrong are my fault, and there is nothing I can really do about any of it.  But it is frustrating that all Hubby and I are able to do are quickies after the baby goes to sleep.  We need regular afternoons at the house by ourselves.  I think we could sacrifice some of our dinners out if we had some afternoons to reconnect.

I think the time has come to find ourselves a babysitter.  Hopefully someone who would be willing to watch the baby at their place or our place...

Rest!

Little Dude slept 8 hours at a stretch!  Oh my!  And mommy feels amazingly refreshed.  I actually woke up after about 7.5 hours of sleep, and managed to take a bath by myelf this morning.  Bliss!  I cannot believe he slept that long.  Apparently he does not like to be cold, and I think the temperature in the house was too cold for his liking, so he kept waking up.  Once we bumped the temp up a little, he slept.  It feels so good to be rested!

I have no real plans for the weekend, other than work on classwork.  I hope to finish my molecular genetics chapter by the end of Monday.  Keeping fingers crossed on that!  I also have to figure out how to intro lab for Monday, as it is bacteria and protists.  I seem to be unfamiliar with non-pathogenic organisms, what with me being a nurse and all.  That is a bit of an issue when we are discussing comparative anatomy and phyisology.  Sigh.  I guess I have to spend an afternoon doing some research.

I also hope that Hubby does laundry this weekend.  I really need some clean clothes.  I really need pants!

Thinking I may try to actually write in a journal every day for 15 minutes.  Of course, I keep getting distracted by things like housework, Twitter, and Face.book, so we will see how it goes.  It may help to come up with ideas for posts.  I want to have better writing on my blog, but I never seem to be able to come up with ideas for posts when I am able to post.  So most of my recent posts are a peek into my daily life.  Not very interesting all the time.  I sort of miss the more thoughtful posts I used to do before I had the Little Dude.  (I think I must be a contemplative at heart!)  I know that there are things I want to talk about, and this is probably the forum for it.  Just getting the ideas from my brain to the blog is a real issue.  Not to mention, finding the time to write the post.  The more thoughtful posts can take more time to write, as the words make a difference.
What do you all think?

Changes...

Doing better with the sleep.  Baby and I have been up fairly regularly, though.  Two of his four front teeth have broken through, and the other two look like they are on their way.  It also looks like we have the start of more teeth coming in.  Times are not fun around this house.  We were up every three hours last night.  Even with ibuprofen and ora-gel.  (I know, I am a bad parent for giving my child ora-gel, but sometimes you gotta do what works.)  Fortunately, everyone went right back to sleep after each waking.  So it was not too bad.  And night before last, he slept 6 hours at a stretch.  Someday I hope that will be a regular occurrence....

My last day at my old job is today.  Oh thank goodness!  I will miss all the people I work with, but the place just sucks your soul.  And so many people have left that I do not know half the staff anymore.  It is just not a nice place to work.  Also, the new job comes with a pay raise, and some benefits, which are really needed right now!  It will be so nice to have days and cases which go as scheduled.  Very excited about that.

I know what I am teaching next semester!  I am teaching Bio 101 again!  So excited, as it should be less work, as I did most of it this semester.  I may add some evolution stuff in to my lectures, as I found I cannot fit the extra chapters in.  This also means I need to change my tests a little, too.  But that is all right.  I think I can make it happen.  Also, the class and lecture are all on Tuesday and Thursday.  It means a longer day, but it is only two days a week.  Since I am only working OR two days a week, too, I get an extra day off.  That will be really nice!  Hoping that actually works out.

Oh, and just to make life more fun, AF decided to come early this cycle.  It has only been about 18 days since the last period.  I was actually expecting her next week or the week after.  I guess this is not so bad, as I should be done before the new job starts on Tuesday.  So there is a silver lining...

Another insomina post

2 AM, and I cannot sleep.  I think I have a good excuse, though.  Little Dude feel out of his crib and scared both the Hubby and I.  Little Dude was crying and fussing in his crib around 11 PM, and I was on my way in to get him when I heard a thump.  Baby then started crying again.  I found him in the middle of our nursery floor.  We checked him over, and all parts still move, and there appears to be no permanent damage.  He calmed right down after nursing, too.  I gave him some ibuprofen to help with pain, as he is teething.  Hubby also decided to lower the crib mattress, which seemed like a good idea.  The fall scared both of us.

Unfortunately, all this activity kept me and the baby up for about two hours.  I spent the past hour lying in bed, trying to go to sleep.  Why is it that when you desperately want sleep, it always seems to elude you?  It is really frustrating.  For the past few nights, I have been up with the baby for a couple hours in the middle of the night, trying to get him back to sleep.  It is really frustrating.  I have found I cannot let the baby cry.  It kills me to hear it, and he never seems to calm down.  He just gets more frustrated and ends up screaming.  Then I have to go in an calm him down anyway.  I am sick of being up in the middle of the night.  Hubby won't do it because he has to work the next day (as I do too!) and he is sick right now.  Also, the baby cries unless it is me comforting him in the middle of the night.  I do not know what to do.  I feel stuck.

Being awake in the middle of the night, I also start worrying about things.  I am worried about all the classwork I have to do.  I need to create a test by the end of the weekend, so I can be sure it gets printed in time.  I have to put together notes for the next chapter, and I have a bunch of grading to do next week.  It feels like I have no time to do all that.  It does not help that I am losing sleep by being up the middle of the night.  Sleep deprivation is not fun.  All I want is sleep. Is that so much to ask?

New week!

I feel like I am finally getting dug out after vacation.  I think I may be able to survive, and hopefully I will be able to stay on track.

 I had two doctor's appointments during my free mornings last week.  One for Little Dude's nine month well baby visit.  It went well, and Little Dude is healthy and happy.  He got the second part of his flu shot, so hopefully he will not get too sick this winter.  (Here is hoping, anyway.)  Little Dude is a big guy, too!  He weighed in at 21 pounds, 15 ounces.  He is almost 22 pounds.  I cannot believe how fast he is growing!  I also cannot believe he is 9 months.

The other doctor appointment was a plastic surgeon to see if he could treat my keloids.  This is the second doctor I have been to about my keloids, and neither one feel that comfortable treating them.  On one hand I sort of get it.  Keloids have a tendency to grow back if they are removed.  (And mine are big enough to need excision.)  I need a doctor who will not only excise them, but also deal with the healing phase, too.  And the healing phase is more important than the exicison.  I guess I will keep looking.  I suspect I may have to go to Richmond or Charlottesville to get any sort of keloid treatment.  Sigh.  I just want them gone.

 Not much else is going on.  I only have a couple more weeks at my old OR job before I start at the ambulatory surgery center.  Thank goodness for that. 

I need a vacation to recover from vacation.

I have to vent.  I think I just need to get this off my chest.

The last week was hard.  While it was fun being at the beach, and Alton loved it.  It was still hard.  My parents, my sister, Hubby, the baby, and I were all in the same house.  It only had three bedrooms, so Hubby and I had to share a room with the baby.  Which totally screwed up everyone's sleep.  We were up at 5 or 6 AM every morning because the baby would not go back to sleep if we were in the same room with him.  Hubby and I came back and do not feel as refreshed as we would have liked. Or refreshed at all.

My parents did not really work with the nap schedule very well.  They just moved at a different pace than we needed to, because of the baby's sleep schedule.  Hubby and I had no space away from the baby.  Hubby and I also had no space away from everyone else.  The trip there and back was really rough.  We got caught in traffic on the way back, and it took about 7 hours to get from Ocracoke to Gloucester.  It should have only taken about 4 hours.  It was not a fun trip.  And then the in-laws did not get a lot of time to visit with the baby because they did not get the nap schedule, either.

Why is it people do not get the importance of naps?

And then there was Hubby complaining about the lack of anything to do.  I did not get a lot of time at the beach between the baby, the hubby, and the family.  I went in the ocean only once, because that was the only opportunity.  I also had classwork to work on while I was there, so much of his nap time was spent working.  I had very little downtime. 

I think next year we will vacation on our own.  It may work out better for our little family.  If my parents want to participate in the vacation, they can get their own house.  We really need our own space, and we need more stuff than my parents do.  

Anyway, it is back to the grind.  At least the baby is sleeping fairly well now that we are home.  With the help of day care providers I think he is going to be back on his nap schedule by the end of the week.  At least that is something.

Back to life, back to reality.

Vacation was nice.  It was nice to get out of town, and the beach is always nice.  I did not get as much beach time as I would have liked, because the baby could not tolerate a long beach trip.  I am happy to report that he loved the beach!  He played in the surf and crawled on the sand.  Once he figured out the beach was about water, he was just fine.  He loved playing in the water and being out as far as we would let him.  When I get around to uploading pics, I will post a few.  He loved it.

It was different vacationing with the baby.  I would have loved to slow down and zone out some, but the baby needed stimulation and playtime when he was not napping.  We also had to share a room with the baby, which meant none of us got the sleep we would have liked.  I think we were up by 5 or 6 AM every morning.  Not fun.  But we survived.

It is good to be home.  Little Dude slept in his own room last night, and actually slept for about 12 hours.  It was bliss.  I did have to wake up twice to feed him, but he went right back to sleep.  Everyone does much better if baby has his own room.

I did get my classwork done this past week.  Thank goodness.  It makes me feel a lot better about heading back to teaching knowing I am prepared.  And I can start counting down the days until I start at the new job.  Things are good right now.  The only hitch is I need to get my car repaired.  Again.  On the way home from vacation, we noticed that my car was heating up.  It did not overheat, but it came close.  We kept having to refill the coolant, but we made it home.  Now I need to get it fixed.  I am dropping it off today, and hopefully they can get to it tomorrow.  I hope. I also hope it is an easy fix.

I think I am going to make it...

I am beginning to feel like I will actually get to take a vacation.  OR job has fixed my schedule, so that I am not working next week.  I have someone covering my classes, and she has my notes.  I still have to get my test printed, but I can do that online.  And I may put it in to get printed after I finish this blog post.

Baby slept for about 12 hours last night.  (Except for a midnight feeding.)  He went to bed really early, too.  He was asleep by 7 PM tonight, like he was last night.  It plays havoc with our evening as Hubby does not get home until 5:30, and we have to deal with our dogs, and then fix dinner.  The past couple of nights Little Dude has gone to bed about the time we sat down to dinner.  It has not been too bad, as Hubby and I enjoyed dinner at our own pace, without the baby needing attention.  I do not want to get too used to this, because it will change as soon as I am dependent on that schedule.  Sigh.

I have a friend coming over tomorrow to watch the baby while I go get a drug test and blood draw for the new job.  Hopefully it will not take too long, as I have a few other errands to run as well.  It sounds like the new job is the right place for me to be.  I love how it is all working out.

So much to do so little time!

I realized today that I did not put my vacation on the OR work calendar, so they scheduled me to work next week.  When I will be out of town on vacation.  And I really need this vacation, dammit!  I will call in sick if I have to.  Hopefully they will be able to work something out to cover two eight hour day shifts.  Keeping fingers crossed.  (Class is covered, so I am not worried about that at all.)

I also want to do the occupational health stuff for my new job before I leave for vacation.  I hopefully will be able to get the blood draw on Wednesday, and do the other occupational health stuff on Friday.  I will do it all Friday, if I have to, but it may be better to spread it out.

I also wanted to do some class prep this week.  I need to start working on the next unit, which I think is genetics and/or molecular genetics.  That is usually pretty fun.  And hopefully easier for the students to understand than cell respiration and photosynthesis.  We will see.  I think I will be doing class prep over vacation, but I can deal with that.  Hopefully I can get a decent amount done. 

I still have to pack, and let the housekeeper know that we are leaving, so she can at least skip a week.  I now have to pack baby stuff and my stuff.  I think we are going to end up taking a lot of baby stuff.

Oh, and to make matters even more fun, AF arrived today.  This week just gets better and better....

A short rant.

A bit of a rant as I am waiting for baby to go to sleep, and because I need to get this out of my system.

I dread all the travel we have to do with the baby.  I have a very active 8.5 month old boy, who needs to move.  Putting him in a car for a long car trip is not going to make anyone happy.  Not to mention all the stuff we have to take along to keep him entertained and cared for.  And then there is his sleep once we get there.  It can be a fight to get him to sleep when we are at home.  On the road?  Just thinking about it makes my head hurt.  I see a whole lot of co-sleeping going on.  Or not.  He does seem to sleep better when he has his own space.  Making that happen?  Who knows.  And then there is teething, which is a whole other level of hell on top of that

I was hoping after we had the baby we would not have to travel as much.  We have a baby.  People should come and see us, dammit.  We are doing all the work caring for him.  The least people can do is get out here to see us so that we do not have to go to them all the damn time.  There are several family members who have not been out here since he was born.  There is an entire branch of the family who has not ever made it out here to see him.  It really sucks.  I resent having to travel to them because they cannot get it together enough to come out here to see us.  It is just too damn hard traveling with an active little one.  I do not want to do it more than I have to.  And it seems to me that this is just a really hard time to travel with a baby.  I do not want to do it.

Right now I see at least one trip per month in our future.  Our vacation is this month, as we are stopping to see Hubby's family on the way there and on the way back.  Next month is Thanksgiving and we are traveling to somewhere.  (Probably my grandmother in NoVa.)  In December Hubby wants to travel to his family again.  That is a lot of travel.  I just want to do the two trips in October and November, and not go anywhere in December.  People can come to us in December.  I am sick of traveling to them.

A moment of calm.

Right now I am sitting here with my glass of wine.  Enjoying the moment I have to myself.  The first half of my week is sort of crazy.  I have my lab day on Monday, then I work OR on Tuesday.  It is Wednesday before I have a chance to catch my breath.  So I enjoy the quiet moment while I have it.

This weekend was not too bad.  Friday night was a bad sleep night.  Teething pain was really bad that night.  Nothing seemed to work to soothe him.  I think I finally co-slept with him the last part of the night.  It was rough, and we were both up and down with Little Dude all night long.  The next day we realized he has both upper and lower eyeteeth coming in.  I also suspect that his upper incisors are going to make an appearance before long, too.  That is a lot of teeth all at once!  The teething is bad enough that he gets a low grade fever, which is usually helped by tyl.enol.  We seem to be alternating tylenol and ibuprofen.  Ibuprofen if he is hurting, tyl.enol if he feels warm.  So far it seems to be working.

The good thing about Saturday is that he spent time with two sets of grandparents.  My parents took him in the morning.  Hubby and I went out to breakfast, and then went back to bed, where we both napped.  Hubby's father took him in the afternoon, when we went back to bed for a while.  So at least we got plenty of opportunity to sleep.  We missed the Little Dude, though.  He was gone a lot, and he slept while he was home.  And he really needed the naps!

Saturday night was a good sleep night, but I co-slept most of the night.  I was too tired to try anything else.  I finally moved him to his crib around 3 AM, where he slept until a little after 7AM.  It was nice to sleep in a little.  I made apple cinnamon pancakes for breakfast.  It was most yummy.  Everyone enjoyed the breakfast.  (Little Dude included!)

Sunday I actually managed to get my weekly grocery shopping and my class prep done.  I did not manage to work out, which I have been trying to do.  It is just not happening over the weekend.  I think I am going to have to find time elsewhere.  I think I can go by the gym on my way home on Mondays.  It is only for a half hour, and I will feel better if I work out one more time during the week.  My stress level is considerably lower if I work out.  So I am going to try it tomorrow, and see how it goes.

I am excited about my vacation.  I leave in less than a week!  I think I could use the vacation.  Unfortunately, I also have a good amount to do before I leave, and very little time to do it.  I hope it will all come together.  Here is hoping, anyway.

Sleep!

I actually got sleep last night.  I felt like a bit of a meanie, but I went from about 12:30 to now (6 AM) without going in and getting the baby.  Little Dude is actually still asleep, and I am not going to wake him.  He still woke up every couple of hours, but managed to get himself back to sleep with minimal fussing.  I do not think he fussed more than 5 minutes at a time.  By the time I was thinking I needed to go and get him, he was already back asleep. 

And I slept!  I feel so much better today.  It is amazing what sleep can do.  I think I forgot.  I think I will have to try it again tonight....

I made it through the day.

Though I am not sure my sanity is intact.  My typing skills suck, too, as I have to keep going back and deleting to get words spelled correctly.

I did mange to get off work early today.  So I went by the store and then came home and worked on class prep.  Now the kitchen is still a mess and I have to pick up the baby soon.

I was heartbroken when I looked in the fridge when I got home and found two thawed bags of milk in the fridge.  By the time we are able to use them, they will probably not be good anymore.  It just made me sad.  My supply is dropping and day care can use all the milk I can give them.  It did not help that I could only pump 11 ounces today.  The least amount I have been able to pump yet.  I think it is because I am tired and stressed.

I did manage to get an email to my supervisor letting her know that I had another position.  I hope it was understandable.  My thought processes are poor today.  I just want to know that she received it.  I may not get a response to it until next week.  If at all.

I think we are going to try to put baby down before he is fully asleep tonight.  Apparently he slept two hours this morning.  He really has not been sleeping well.  His teeth are bothering him and I do not think we are helping by trying to put him down after he is already asleep.  Hopefully I will sleep better tonight, too.  I need the sleep!

Oh, Insomnia!

I has it.  I cannot sleep.  I have not been able to get to sleep since I got the baby down at 1:30 AM.  My mind has just been working overtime.  I have been lying in bed thinking about stuff.  My brain will not shut down.

I cannot believe I got Little Dude to sleep in the crib!  He really sleeps so much better by himself, so it is wonderful that I could put him down.  Only a small amount of crying before he went to sleep.  We may have to start  doing that in the evenings, too.  It just works really well.

I am nervous about giving notice at my current position.  Not sure why.  I am flex, anyway, so I only work when I am able.  Which is really nice.  If I make it into work tomorrow (as it is now 3AM, and I am still awake) I will email one of my supervisors and let her know, at least informally.  It would be nice to firm up a date I will leave.

The new job has benefits!  I cannot believe it.  I feel like it is too good to be true, and something, somewhere, will cause me to be ineligible for them.  I hope that it is right, and I can still get benefits working my schedule.

I think that my current job forgot to put me on the schedule one of the days I am able to work.  I may see if I can work it, because I could probably use the money.  My vacation is coming up!

I hope my orientation for the new job will work with my schedule.  I can really only do it Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Keeping fingers crossed with that one.

I am worried about getting enough time for class prep.  I need to work on it this weekend, and I need several hours of time.  I have not been able to get much done lately, as I have had a lot of grading to do.  I think I am all right so far, but I need to work to stay ahead.  It would be nice to finish the next chapter, prep for lab, and put together the next test.  At the very least, put together the next chapter's notes and prep for lab.  That may be do-able.  Hopefully.

That is all I can think of that is going through my mind right now.  I think there is other stuff.  Hopefully by getting all of this out there, I can get a little rest.  At least it is somewhere for me to look at later, should I feel so inclined. 

I am off to take some ibuprofen and hopefully get some sleep!  I need sleep!

Naptime!

Little Dude finally had a couple of decent naps today.  In the crib, no less!  I finally tried putting Little Dude down to nap and letting him cry a little.  I know some of you are thinking, "what took me so long?"  He just seemed so young before.  He seems a little more able to deal with it now.  He seems older, and is processing things differently than he was a month or two ago.

I gave myself a set time limit as to how long I would let it go.  The first time, he cried about 20 minutes.  I was about ready to go in there and get him when he quieted.  The next time, it only took about 10 minutes for him to quiet.  It does seem to get better every time.  He napped for about an hour this morning, and then for an hour and a half around midday.  He really wanted to sleep around three, but that was when my parents watched him for a few hours.  He did sleep for a bit on the way over there, and then feel asleep in the car on the way home. 

I think the best revelation for me is that I get to put him down and do other things while he sleeps.  Today was mostly doing chores, but I could do some class planning or grading or anything.  How exciting!  I really hope he continues to nap.  I could really get used to it.  It made the day so much better!

Finally feeling somewhat human again!

It feels like a long time since I felt human enough to, well do much of anything.  Finally started taking some allergy med, and it seems to help me feel a little better.  We are also over the hump with the baby's diarrhea.  What a mess and headache that was.  Little Dude is doing much better now, though.  Eating, drinking, and poop is returning to normal.  Thank goodness! 

The week was not too bad.  I called in to work on Tuesday because I was up all night with the baby.  I could barely function, so it was probably not a good idea to go to work in the OR the next day.  I called in about quarter to 3 AM, so I suspect they knew I was up all night with the baby.

Wednesday was my interview with the ambulatory surgery center.  I have no clue how it went.  I just hate reading into these things.  It went all right.  They seemed nice, and I liked the surgery center.  We will see what happens next week.  Just not sure if I got it, and I am not desperate for it anyway.  It was a part time position, and it sounded more like where I want to be right now.  I will miss the people I work with now, should I leave my current position.  I actually do not mind my current job, now that I work flex.  Though the days get crazy on a regular basis, and it is rare that the day goes as planned.  Should I get the job at the surgery center, most likely days will go as scheduled.  That would be a nice change of pace.  I guess my outlook on the situation is ""Que sera, sera!"  I will just take it as it comes.

Baby never lets feeling bad slow him down too much, so we are still chasing him all over the house.  He recently discovered stairs, so we constantly have to be on the lookout for him heading to the stairs.  He also likes to play with doors, so we have to be on the lookout for pinched fingers.  He generally likes to manipulate his environment.  Some things we just cannot let him play with, such as cords and wires, but we let him pay with a lot of stuff he comes across.  He enjoys pushing chairs and boxes.  He also has a couple of push toys which he enjoys playing with.  It is so cute to see him stand up on the push toys and walk down the hall.  (Steering is still an issue, but I have faith that he will figure it out.)  He is so proud of himself.  He can really crawl now, and can be across the house in a matter of seconds, so we have to be on our toes.

I actually tried putting him down for a nap and letting him cry a little.  Lo and behold, it worked.  Of course, now that I have posted this he will never go down like that again.  But it is exactly how everyone else puts him down, with some fussing because it was different than what mommy usually does.  I am sure he will get used to it.  He is pretty smart.

I think that is about it.  I have grading and planning to do this weekend, and I am planning some quality time with the hubby.  Other than that, it is our usual weekend stuff. 

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Mixed blessings.

Today my son gets baptized.  That is pretty special, and worthy of a celebration.  It is good to celebrate life.

But we are missing a lot of people who were unable to get here, for one reason or another.  Hubby's mother and my grandmother were not able to make the trip across the state.  My aunt could not make it because of other commitments.  Little Dude's godfather will also be unable to make it, as a family member is in the hospital.  I am sad that all these people will not be there.  I wish we could have had a larger gathering of family and friends to celebrate, but it was not to be.

On the bright side, I am not at my best today, so a low key gathering may be better for everyone.  I am still sick.  I slept poorly.  I was unable to get more than two hours sleep at a time.  (And I suspect the crappy sleep is helping this damn cold to linger.)  Baby is feeling the effects of the antibiotic and the current mental leap.  So the smaller gathering has its advantages.  I can relax a little and I will probably enjoy the day a little more.

Today I am going to celebrate life and its blessings, and hold family and friends in the light. 
It will be a good day.

Drive by blogging.

Because of all the bullets...

• I am exhausted.  It has been a busy week.  The first time I have gotten to catch my breath was today while the baby slept at my parents apartment.  And because of my crappy nap skills, I could not sleep.  But at least I could lie down for a while.  Which helped, sort of.
• I am hoping this weekend I can at least catch up on rest a little bit.  I also hope to catch up on some class prep, which I was unable to do at all this week.
• Also did not get to the gym this week.  My free time was spent being sick and taking sick child to the doctor.  Unfortunately, I am still sick, and it feels like it has moved in for good.  I am so sick of being sick.
• Little Dude gets baptized this weekend.  Issues I have with this are
• the two people we really wanted to have at the baptism will not be able to make it.  My grandmother cannot get down here because my aunt and her husband are not able to make it.  My MIL is unable to travel, and will also not be able it make it.
• The fact that MIL says she cannot make it annoys me because I see her on FB posting about what she is doing.  She still goes shopping and riding around her area, so I do not see why she cannot get here.  But I guess it is her choice, and she has to live with it.  I really feel like if she really wanted to be here, she would get here, no matter what.
• I still have nothing to wear for the baptism ceremony.  Which means I have to go shopping.  And that is not as much fun when you are sick.
• After the baptism, I think we are going to the Greek festival for lunch.  Yum!
• Finally got paid today.  Hooray!
• Really hoping for a slowish morning tomorrow, and decent sleep tonight.  We will see what happens.  I could really use both.
• Very excited about my interview with the ambulatory surgery center next week.  Maybe I should buy something which I can also wear to the interview.
• Parents are going to C'ville tomorrow, and are unable to watch Little Dude for us for a decent afternoon together.  Sigh.  I was sort of hoping for that this weekend.  Hopefully next weekend.
• I think that is all I have time and brain power for right now.  Hopefully our pizza will be here soon and we can have dinner!

Cute baby pics.

Who does not like a few cute baby pictures?  They are hard to resist, right?

We have started letting him outside to crawl around.  He actually likes to climb the steps.

 

 

We discovered Little Dude loves being outside.  The weather has been great, so we have been taking him outside on a regular basis.  Hubby likes taking him in the front yard, as seen above.  (Though that is actually me in the background.)  I prefer sitting with Little Dude on the deck, where he likes to push the furniture around.

I like the deck because it is enclosed, and he can crawl pretty much anywhere he wants without me worrying about him.  Works for me.

Little Dude has been a busy boy lately, as we are starting to learn to walk. 
We are standing on mommy, trying to climb the steps, and pushing things around.

This is a relatively new skill, and he just loves it!  He is able to stand up behind the car all by himself!  Though he needs a "running" start.  He will start pushing it with his knees, and eventually make it up on his feet.  It is really cute to watch.

He is also not one to let an ear infection or cold slow him down.  He has decided he really enjoys spending time in the bathroom.  He likes standing on the toilet, standing on the vanity, standing on the tub, and basically playing with anything he can get his hands on.  Like this....

I just figure it could not hurt, as it dissolves really easily anyway.  I think of it like extra fiber.  And fiber is good for him, right?

And then there is a request from my husband.  I made this Beef and guinn.ess and cheese pie last week, and Hubby was so excited about it he took a picture of it.  I have to admit it looked and tasted good.
I used this recipe, which I first saw on a Jamie Oliver cooking show.  It was too good not to try, I thought.  I liked it because it used store bought puff pastry.  I did some things differently from the recipe.  I used a slow cooker to cook the stew, but I used more liquid than I needed to.  Next time I fix this, I think I am just going to put the guinn.ess in the slow cooker and leave off the beef broth.  My pie turned out a little soupy.  But it did taste good!

And yes, it tasted about as good as it looked!

Ah, the life of a mother.

Yet another night where I am up in the middle of the night.  And today was really, really busy!  Or I guess I should say yesterday was busy, as it is now 1 AM

I took Little Dude to the doc in the morning.  He was awake last night, too.  We suspected ear infection.  We have seen it enough to know, I guess.  Sure enough, he had an ear infection in both ears.  Unfortunately, the antibiotic takes a couple days to make everything feel better, and that is why I am up again tonight.  Damn it.

After I took the baby to the doctor, I dropped the dog at the vet for some blood work.  Then I headed to my parent's apartment for lunch.  I left the baby with my mom while I taught and then ran errands,  I went by the vet to pick up the dog, the bank, and the pharmacy to pick up Little Dude's medicine.

Are you tired, yet?  Cause I am not done...

Once home, I cleaned the kitchen, and managed to pump for a few minutes before Mom brought the Little Dude to me.  I then prepared lunches for Hubby and I for Thursday, and collected all my pump stuff so it would be ready to go.  I also gave Little Dude a snack and gave him the first dose of the antibiotic.

I think the highlight of the whole day was a phone call.  I got an interview for a part time position at an outpatient surgery center.  I am excited about the possibility, though unsure how it will work out.  All I can do is just see what happens.  If it is meant to be, it will work out.  If not, I am not out anything as I have a job.

But right now I am exhausted, and really just want baby to go ahead and go to sleep!  So I can sleep!

Surviving.

Motherhood seems to be about managing to make it.  I feel bad because I have not done anything really profound or introspective on here in a while, but that may be because I do not have any deep thoughts lately.  Lately things have been more about just making things work.  It has been that way for a while.  Just when you think you have something down, something else changes, and the whole balance if your life is disrupted.  Now that I have started classes, and things seem to be settling into a routine, my childcare arrangement changes, then baby and I get a cold.  It does not even have to be anything big.  I have learned that just missing a night of sleep has a profound effect on everything. 

And then there is the issue of time.  I may not be in a place where I want to be very introspective right now.  Right now my baby is changing so fast, I may miss it if look away.  I want to spend time with my Little Dude.  I love how he changes, and watching his abilities and personality develop.  I do sort of miss my quiet meditative times, but I have faith that they will return when it is time.  For me writing takes time and a little effort, and I just do not have a lot of that to spare right now.

"Do without doing" is all about not forcing things, and letting things happen as they will.  It is about living in the moment, and enjoying today.  Enjoying watching my baby move furniture around my deck, or watching Hubby and Little Dude play together.  And I think that is just right for today.

Messing around.

I think it was time for a change.  I am into sky blues recently, paired with greens. 

Also, I thought I would mess around with Twitter.  I have just put my toe in that pool, though.  Still not sure how I feel about it. 

Still sick, too.  So not fun...

I survived the week...Bullet edition

• I did manage to survive the week.  Teaching was not bad, but OR was tough this week.  New surgeons, crappy cases, sick patients, and very little of it within my actual chosen specialty.  It just gets rough on a person when you wonder what good you are doing, and management makes it difficult to do your job in the first place.
• I suspect I am getting another cold.  I think between the baby and the hospital, my immune system is going to be kick-ass after this year.  
• I really hope this current cold does not give Little Dude another ear infection.
• My mother is doing great looking after Little Dude when I am teaching.  I think it is all going to work out.  Bonus:  I can go over there early, and she can entertain him while I do planning.  Another bonus:  It will hopefully help keep my milk supply up because she encourages us to breastfeed, and will hold off on giving bottles.  
• Finally saw a dermatologist about my keloids, and hopefully we will have a plan of care within the next few weeks.
• I cooked a Guinness, beef, and cheese pot pie this week.  I have not seen Hubby that excited in quite a while.  He even took a picture of it because he thought it was so great.  When I get a chance to catch my breath (or next time I upload pictures) I will try to post it.  It did look beautiful, and even tasted good!  it was a recipe shown on a Jamie Ol.iver cooking show.  It looked too good not to try.
• I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Still here, just busy!

This week flew by!  I am really grateful for the three day weekend.  I am looking forward to a day off, though I will probably spend part of it doing class prep or grading.  That seems to be how I spend much of my free time lately.  It should not be so bad next year, but it is really time consuming this year. 

The good news is that my parents are back in town, so we have someone to watch him on a regular basis.  Hubby and I are looking forward to some quality time together this weekend.  It has been quite a while!

Little Dude is still going strong.  Really cruising now, though.  He can make it all the way around our coffee table and along the couch while cruising.  He does not have the balance yet to let go, but he is getting there, and I know he is thinking about it.  We should be hitting the next wonder week in the next few days, so it all is likely to go to hell in a hand basket soon!  Everything seems to be a moving target that first year.  It is enough to make your head spin.

Hubby and I have re-evaluated our sleeping arrangements.  He has been sleeping in a separate bed because I have been co-sleeping with the baby.  That seems to be the only way Little Dude will sleep some nights.  But lately both of us have been grumpy and short with each other.  It became clear that part of the reason we were not getting along is that we missed each other!  I know I have missed the connection we get while sleeping together.  So we finally got back together last night!  Much better!  I think everyone is happier because we have some sense of connection back.  I do not think Hubby will sleep with me every night, but some nights together are better than no nights together.  We also try to spend some time together after the baby is asleep.  I missed just being with Hubby.  That is harder to do when baby is sucking all your time and energy.

There have been several posts recently about perfection and motherhood.  Some of these hit home as I have some high expectations of myself which I am not able to meet.  I need to chill out and let things be.  Not force things, and try to do without doing.  I seem to be doing all right as a mother.  Little Dude seems happy and healthy.  Hubby seems to think I am doing all right as a wife.  I need to remember that we all have bad days, and there will be times when I let people down.  It happens to all of us.  It will be all right.  No one has died.  No one is hurt, aside from my pride.  Someone tell me to take a chilly pill and let it go!  Life goes on...

I hope everyone has a great Labor Day weekend!

First week of class.

It has been a hectic week as I adjust to teaching and working. And then there is the issue of trying to find time for class prep and grading. I am working on it. And then things will change when my parents come back from vacation. Sigh. There are times when I cannot win for trying.For example, last weekend my period decided to come back. Apparently the first period after pregnancy is really crazy. And mine certainly was. The first few days were really heavy. Thank goodness for Dep.ends! That is what got me through my nights without it looking like a massacre! Unfortunately, the first day it decided to come back was the one day a week Hubby was letting me sleep in. So much for that. I had to get up and clean myself up. I think it is finally tapering off, so hopefully I will be able to sleep in this weekend. Hopefully.

The class is a good class. The students are all young. In other words, not far out of high school. They are nice kids, and a few of them actually seem interested in learning the info. Of course some of that may be kissing up, but that could be my cynicism at work. Sad that I think they are kids, but I am over a decade older than them and it makes me feel old.

I will leave this random-ish post with a few baby pics, because babies are always cute!

It figures...

That the weekend before I start teaching, AF decides to show up. I guess she just wanted to be involved. I just needed one more thing...

Nervousness has set in.

Classes start on Monday! I have both Lab and lecture to teach on Monday, and I am really nervous. I know some of this is normal, as I have been nervous before starting classes before. Once I get in the groove, and I know I can keep up with everything, I will probably feel better. But it will take a few weeks until I am there.

I am very excited to start classes. I am nervous about keeping up with lesson planning and testing in a timely fashion. I think I am really nervous because I do not know how the baby will impact things. He is an unknown in my situation. I know he will likely throw my time line off, so I am trying to be well ahead of where I need to be. Unfortunately, I only have a couple week's worth of lecture notes. I do have a draft of a test, but I still want to read it over and make sure I have included everything I wanted. It is a balance to include everything I want to, and not make it too long. There is so much I would love to include on a test, but my class is only 50 minutes long. I do not want to go over 75 questions. We will see what happens.

Baby is going to daycare the first couple of weeks I am teaching. I do not think he will mind so much, though he will not like having his schedule thrown off. He will adapt, but it will probably be rough for the first few weeks. The thing I hate is that my mother comes back from vacation in two weeks, and she will be watching him while I teach. Just when he gets used to one routine, we have to start another. It is really frustrating, but I guess that is life sometimes.

I have also been thinking about the opportunities I have in front of me. I am excited about getting into teaching again, and I think I will do well at it. At least I hope I do well at it. I may get the opportunity to teach other classes, which would be very exciting. But I also love being an OR nurse. I love it, and find it very rewarding. I do not really want to give it up to teach. I think I want to find a way to do both. I am still thinking about this, and it may not be an issue. But it could be. It is definitely fun thinking about the possibilities, at any rate.

Photos!

I am not a photographer, and I am really bad about capturing moments. But here are a few pictures of the Little Dude. He is harder to catch recently as he is constantly on the move!

We have started standing on things. Not sure whether Gertrude likes having her couch invaded. She looks totally unimpressed


The light was a little off for this shot, but I sort of liked it, anyway. It is a pic of Oscar and Little Dude standing at the window. And in case you are wondering: yes, we do have to watch that the baby does not crawl under the dog.

Little Dude with his favorite toy. He loves this thing! I also think he likes looking out the window, too.


Little Dude trying to climb on me as I take his picture. I missed the smile. He had a big grin on his face right before this was taken. Could not get the timing right, though.

Oh the things you learn at Tar.get! This is his first trip in a shopping cart. I was so excited to discover I could do this!


He really likes this rocket ship, even if he is a little young for it. He is standing up on everything these days!

I have also started carrying him on my back, because is he so heavy. He is around 20 pounds! The Er.go is really comfortable for back carries. I cannot put him in a back carry by myself, though.


That is what we have been up to lately. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

No Space!

I suspect we have the beginnings of separation anxiety. (If not full out separation anxiety.) Little Dude looks for things when he drops them, fusses when I leave the room. He is starting to follow me around the house, and he always likes to be able to see me. He will not nap unless I am with him, and wakes up when I move. I have only gotten two half hour naps with him this morning, and I had to lay down with him the whole time in order to get him to sleep that much. Last couple of nights, we would not sleep anywhere other than with me.

It is driving me a little batty.

I did manage to get to the gym this morning, though. So at least I did something for me. But I really wanted to get work done this morning, too. He is currently playing in his crib because I just needed some time to work on the computer. I apparently have no space any more.

Co-sleeping is working again, but Hubby has found that he cannot sleep with us when we co-sleep. Which amounts to Hubby sleeping on the couch. (We do have a bed in another room made up, and I am not sure why Hubby does not sleep there. I am not responsible for where he sleeps.) I miss sleeping with Hubby, and really wish Little Dude would sleep on his own so that we can have our bed back! But I suspect with separation anxiety I will be co-sleeping a while longer.

Sigh. I just feel like I cannot win.

At least there is a reason...

Little dude has another ear infection. Between the teething and the ear infection, I think we have plenty of reasons for the night waking. He is now on another round of antibiotics, and we got the official green light for ibuprofen. The ibuprofen works magic, though. Last night I actually got 3-4 hours of continuous sleep at a stretch. I am praying for similar results tonight. So far he is still down, but he has only been down for about an hour. I am probably going to finish my wine and then go to bed. Hopefully I will get a little sleep before he wakes again.

In other news, I applied for a job at an ambulatory surgery center. I was trolling the job sites at other hospitals just happened to see a part time position posted. I figure I could apply and if it is not right, I am not really out anything, as I still have my current job. We will see what happens. It would be a nice change of pace, though.

Back to work tomorrow. Hopefully I will have a sleepy baby tonight. Keeping fingers crossed...

Edit: Sigh. Woke up at 9 pm. It is probably going to be another bad night. Damn it.

Sleep! At least for one night!

I actually got five hours of consecutive sleep last night! Hooray! Little Dude slept in his crib last night and everyone slept well. I am so hoping this is not just a one time thing, but it probably is. And then I brought him to bed with me at 3:30 am, and that was the last of my good sleep for the night. I was tossing and turning with him until around 6 AM.

I think I have decided that our co-sleeping days are over. He is moving around way too much to allow everyone to sleep. It sort of makes me sad because it was awesome for nursing at night. I could just roll over and nurse him. Now he is getting up on all fours and rolling around and trying to stand. Not exactly restful. Hopefully we will all adapt quickly. We will see. I have a feeling that it is going to be a rough go. Nothing is ever easy with babies, it seems.

Little Dude is now pulling up on everything! And cruising on everything. Fortunately, he still likes his jump.eroo, and will play in there for quite a while. I have also discovered that I can let him crawl on the floor while I do chores and housework, and he is able to entertain himself. He has discovered the dishwasher, and enjoys "helping" me load and unload the dishwasher. He has also discovered that he can crawl into another room, so I constantly have to check where he is, and what he is into.

One of the hardest things I found is letting him take his bumps. He is not all that coordinated in everything he does, and he will lose his balance, and sometimes he bumps his head or another body part. It is all part of trying to learn. We have bumpers on most really unsafe things, so he is not bumping his head on anything sharp. The bumps he takes are not hard, but they probably do not feel good, so he cries. I usually will give him a cuddle and a kiss and put him down again when he calm. He is learning to stand and move, so he is going to lose his balance and fall from time to time. On the bright side, he is getting better at catching himself when he falls.

Sigh. He is growing up!

Waffling

On sleep training, at least at night. Co-sleeping sort of works for us. He starts out in the crib for a couple of hours, and then ends up in bed with us by midnight. Everyone gets sleep! Most of the time we can get about 5-7 hours at a stretch. And if baby wakes, I do not have to wake up completely. I have a toddler rail on my side of the bed to prevent baby from rolling off the edge of the bed. I guess it would help if I actually use it.

Naps are better once I realized that I could lay down with him, and then slip away while he is asleep. I stay in the room and work quietly while he is sleeping, so I can catch him before he rolls off the bed. It works best if we get out of the house or have some activity in the morning. I usually go to the gym, but I think letting him crawl on the floor works, too. Going to the gym has an added benefit of being a stress reliever. Hopefully this strategy will continue working. Keeping fingers crossed.

I am learning to take advantage of any time I have. Today I got off early from work. I did some housework before going to pick up Little Dude a little early. When I got there, he was not quite ready for anything. He had just woken up from a nap, and they had a bottle ready to give him. After talking with the caregiver, I decided to come back later. To kill time, I went and got a pedicure! Hooray! I have been meaning to get one done, but never could bring myself to leave the baby and do it. I love the fact that it just worked out. Now my feet feel pampered, and my brows are trimmed. It feels great! Now if only I can remember to do it on a regular basis.

Damn it!

I cannot win with baby! I tried waking with Hubby this morning to give me time to get it together before the baby wakes up. And what do I do? I wake the baby up putting him in the crib. We ended up co-sleeping last night, so I was sort of looking forward to a break from baby. I ended up passing him off to hubby for a while so that I could bathe and eat breakfast. He then feel asleep on my lap for a while. Now Hubby is showering and getting ready to go to work. Hopefully I can make it to the gym before trying to get baby down for a nap. (Trying being the key word. Baby pretty much naps in my lap.)

I think some sleep training is going to be inevitable. The night wakings are driving us both a little crazy, and the napping on my lap has got to stop. Co sleeping works most of the time. The reason I did it last night was because I was just too damn tired to wake up every hour with the baby. I think both Hubby and I are not willing to do CIO. I thought we could look at the No-Cry Sleep Solution. My mother got the No Cry Nap Solution, and I have looked at that. It looks like something we could do. It takes longer than CIO, but I think it could work. I keep hoping this will pass, and the baby will sleep through the night again, but right now it feels like there is no end in sight. All we want is some decent sleep!

I will keep trying with my mornings. Hopefully it will work out soon.

Fingers crossed.

Really hoping that baby sleeps tonight. He slept last night, and took a couple decent naps today, so hopefully he will sleep tonight.

The first couple nights in the crib were rough. We were up every couple of hours. It really sucked. But last night was great. I woke up around 2 AM for a feeding, and then went back to bed until about 7 AM. I got sleep, baby got sleep, and everyone was happy.

Really hoping that repeats tonight, but not expecting to get that lucky. We shall see.

We are now dealing with a baby who loves to move. Our boy has started standing and cruising when ever he can. Neither Hubby nor I were not expecting to see all of that appear at the same time. We had to lower our crib mattress because we were afraid he would topple out of the crib. We also had to move the crib away from the window because he likes to play with the blinds. I also moved a chair in there so that I would not have to leave the nursery to nurse the baby at night. It works great for naps, too. I think all that moving is wearing him out.

We are also playing around with solids. I am sort of doing baby led weaning. Basically giving the baby finger foods, and letting the baby feed himself. The amazing part is that he actually eats some of what is put in front of him. He loves watermelon, banana, peaches, my made from scratch biscuits, my made from scatch blueberry muffins. He also enjoys a good teething biscuit and likes to suck on the bones from barbecue ribs. I made a puree from peaches, banana and plain greek yogurt and added some rice cereal to that. A lot of people swear by rice cereal to help baby sleep, so I thought I would try it. He will eat it, but I do not think the rice cereal makes a whole lot of difference in his sleep. It is just another way to get food into him.

Other than that, things seem to be going well. I am trying to get lectures together for my class which starts in the fall. The more I can get done now, the better. It is also good to try to figure out how to work at home with the baby. Better to do it now while I have some time than be under the gun during the semester. I am also switching the days I work in the OR starting next block. It seems to be coming together. I think. I hope.

I think the time has come.

I think I have reached the point where we cannot use the bassinet anymore. He has started pulling up on the sides of the bassinet and trying to stand up. He does that in the crib, too, but the crib has higher sides. So far, he is doing fine in the crib, but this is the first night. We will see if it helps him sleep any better. It means I have to get out of bed to nurse him, but if I only have to get out of bed once, I think I will be fine. We will see how it all plays out.

I cannot believe he is 6 months already! He is really crawling, and this boy can move! He will be across the floor before you know it. He can sit up on his own, and is interested in everything. He has one tooth, and I expect more to come in before long. Though he is so cute with just the one tooth. It is wonderful that he is happy and sociable. I would not say that he is an easy baby, but he is a happy baby. And that is a gift.

I have to rave over our day care provider. I love her! She has been very supportive of me as a mother. We have started introducing solids, and I decided to do baby led weaning. She was so excited that I was planning on doing that. And she supports it! He got peaches the other day, and I think she is planning on watermelon later. If you are thinking of introducing solid foods, I highly recommend baby led weaning. No need to pureed foods, and the kids do not end up as picky eaters. Right now he is willing to try anything I put in front of him. And no need for baby food! Just give him what is on your plate. I love it. He feeds himself, so I do not have to spend time feeding him. And he eats! It is always surprising when I realize there is less food at the end.

And I discovered a great parenting site Ask Moxie is an awesome parenting blog. Highly recommend. Lots of great info on child development, and help with parenting issues.

Bad night.

We have been having sleep issues lately, and it is enough to make me want to tear my hair out. Little Dude is usually a good sleeper, but lately has really been fighting it. He goes down fine at the beginning of the night, but then will wake up a couple hours later, and not go back to sleep. Hubby says he is likely on the verge of a developmental leap, and he may be right. I just wish Little Dude would hurry up and make the leap so that we can go back to getting sleep. After discussing the issue with the pediatrician, we are going to try a couple things tonight, and see what happens. We are going to try putting him to bed a little later, and then not feeding him as often. We will see what happens. Hopefully it will get better soon.

I also have family stuff stressing me out. My grandmother fell and broke her pelvis recently, so she is really hurting. She is also coming up on the anniversary of my grandfather's death. So she is not doing well right now. She says she wants to go to the beach in a couple of weeks, but considering her pelvic fracture, and the pain she will be in, I do not think that will happen. The pelvic fracture worries me because the outcome for pelvic fractures from falls in the elderly is not that great. She already has fibromyalgia. I suspect that she could slip into depression very easily, and then slip away. She does not have a lot of fight left in her. She has been so lost since my grandfather's death. I heard from my aunt that she is not using her walker, and is just using a cane. I do not think that is best for her stability or the proper healing of her fracture. I think she is going to refuse to use the walker until there is no other choice. All I can do is wait and pray. She is going to be stubborn and do what she wants, no matter what any health professional will tell her.

On a brighter note, I go a new computer! Hooray! I have a new Mac. I was able to get the educational discount because I am teaching this fall. So I am typing this on a new Macbook Pro! It will make teaching easier, as I will be better able to make up lectures and research for lectures. Much faster and very easy to use.

The baby is asleep now, so I better go lay down while I can. Who knows what the night may bring.