Holidays are here again.

This year is different for me. Expecting a child causes you to have a very different outlook on life. Last year, my holidays were filled with work and travel to family. Last year, the holidays hurt. Thanksgiving with my family was not bad, because no one else in my family have children. But Hubby's family was all about the chlidren at Christmas. How cute the babies were, and what they were doing for the children that year. (They stopped asking when we were having ours a while ago.)

Last year, Hubby and I had given up hope that we would ever have children of our own. It just seemed too impossible. After six failed IUIs, and IVF seemingly out of our reach, we figured that there was not much hope for us to have children of our own.

And then...

FIL said he would be willing to pay for IVF. That completely changed our entire outlook on things. I wish I could do something to express our appreciation. But I do not know where to start. He gave us a chance, and he gave us this child because of his generosity.

So my outlook on the holidays this year are a little different than last year. I cannot travel, as I am at the end of my third trimester. I cannot work, as my heart is already working extra hard carrying this child. (No one wants to see me have a heart attack on the job!) So I am left free to prepare for the baby's arrival and enjoy the holidays. I do not think I have ever been able to just stop and enjoy. I have always had work or school to compete for my attention. It is really nice not to have to work at the end of my pregnancy. I cannot stand for very long, my hands hurt and my back and hips hurt. Not very fun if you are in a physical job and stressful as I was.

I want to start going to church again. The first Sunday in advent is this Sunday. I have sort of missed the rituals of the Christmas season. It may be comforting for me. After all, Advent is a time of preparation. Very similar to what I am experiencing now. It would also do me good to get out and connect with people. I have isolated myself recently, and that is not good for me.

Whew! Glad that is over!

I survived the weekend. I am glad I went to the burial. I think it was helpful for my family seeing that there will be another generation. I have never been to Arlington Cemetery for a funeral, and it was quite fascinating. The military at Arlington have it down pat. We got the entire procession, band, caisson, and riderless horse. We even got a bagpiper after the burial service. And in case you are wondering, I did not walk behind the caisson. Hubby drove me out to the burial site. The one thing I wish I could have done was walk behind the caisson, but it was not possible in my delicate condition.

Now that the last travel weekend is behind me, I feel like I can relax a bit. I have no more travel planned in the near future. Except to the hospital for delivery. I noticed today that my shoulders are more relaxed. I even went on a small shopping spree at Target. I bought some baby things, maternity pants for me, and a couple of little things to go in my hospital bag. (Which I actually need to start packing. I may need it!)

The baby furniture is is put together and in the room. I have not actually made up the crib yet because I want to get a crib mattress pad (or two or three). Anyone have any thoughts on this? I may just get one at Target or somewhere and hope it works. We also need to wash all the baby things we have. Not that we have a whole lot, but it still needs to be washed.

I have also not done anything with the walls in the nursery. I figure one thing at a time. It should only take me a day or two to do what I want to do. I hope.

I have printed off lists for hospital bags, and baby essentials. Just so we can hopefully have everything we need for baby and hospital stay. Need to talk to hubby about some of this, and see what he wants to order online, and what we can get at the store. It may just come together, but it will take some doing!

Frozen

I feel like it is difficult for me to do anything. Everything is changing in my life right now and it really freaks me out. I am starting to feel better, when insomnia does not strike. Last night I woke up at quarter to four to pee, and never really did get back to sleep. I kept falling asleep all day. I am starting to wade through paperwork I discovered while clearing out things. At least something is getting done!

Being off of work can feel very isolating after a while. It is difficult for me to put myself out there right now. I tire very easily, I am due in a few months, when things will change a lot. I really ought to be working on nursery stuff, but I have house chores and errands which get in the way and wear me out. I also have one more family commitment before I am through traveling. I decided to put off applying for jobs because I cannot start until March, and I want to see how I feel after the baby is born. There are things I can do now that I am off during the day, such as La.Leche League meetings. I could also make more of an effort to go to church. But it is difficult when Sundays are the only day I have with Hubby. I really just want to spend that time with just the two of us.

Another thing affecting me is that Hubby and I are not sleeping together right now. (In both senses, I am afraid.) We do get together on the weekend, but I think both of us miss the nightly contact with each other. Hubby cannot get used to sleeping on the opposite side of the bed, and he really needs his sleep to function during the day. I do not know what he will do once the baby comes, but I guess at least he will be back on his own side. Both of us feel distant from each other right now, and it hard on us. Not sure how well either of us are sleeping. Hubby said that he would try sleeping with me tonight, just to see what happens.

My last trip during the pregnancy is up to northern Virginia to bury my grandfather at Arlington Cemetery. Hubby is driving us up there, and we are boarding the dogs. The burial is Friday. I am sure that is affecting me somehow, but it is hard to tell because of everything else I am feeling right now. My family is really excited to see me, despite the sad circumstances. I suspect the pregnancy offers them a distraction from grief. Going up there makes me tired because it always seems like everyone has something they want to do with me. My aunt wants to take me shopping for a glider, and then out to eat the day after the funeral. I will try to do it, but I told her I wanted to see how I feel on Saturday. I think that is fairly reasonable. It sounds like it will be a stressful weekend.

Doulas, scans, and stuff, oh my!

I tend to think of things in chonological order. So I guess that is how this post will be structured. I think I have a lot to cover.

Doula:
Hubby and I both really liked her. She knew what she was talking about, and we both got a lot of information. She left some reading material I have only started to work through. She put me on to a website called spinningbabies.com, which I thought was just fascinating. It gave all sorts of things you can do to try to get your baby head down. One thing the doula also suggested was spending time on my hands and knees. I have done that some this week, and it does seem to make me feel better. I have been having back pain, and just flipping over seems to help take some of the pressure off my back. I usually feel a little better after spending a few minutes flipped over. She also wanted me to think a little harder about epidurals. I am sort of hoping the tachycardia goes away before labor, because if not, I may end up with an induction. Just not sure what will happen at this point.

OB appointment/ultrasound:
Hubby really enjoyed the ultrasound. I knew that he would. This is the first one at this office he has been able to make. I was realy glad he was able to be there. Baby still looks good, he is delveloping normally, and as of right now, he is in the 51st percentile for weight. I also seem to be doing fine, with the exception of the tachycardia. The tachycardia does seem mostly under control with the beta blocker, as long as I do not do too much activity. Which drives me crazy. Oh well, at least I am resting. Oh yeah, I also got my flu shots while I was there. I got both the yearly, and the H1N1. Apparently, they just got the H1N1 vaccines in that morning. I think I am covered now. Not that I go anywhere much.

Car:
There were several things wrong with it, all of which got fixed while it was in the shop. And I got my oil changed. I got out of there for under $800, so it could have been worse. Now Hubby's car has to go in the shop. His car really needs work, too. Hopefully he will get it in soon!

Hair appointment:
I finally got the chance to have my hair cut and colored! It looks so much better! I did have a tachycardic episode while I was there, but with water, and the heat turned down, I got over it. My hairdresser was very understanding. I think she is fantastic! And she makes me look good!

I think that is about all there is at the moment. I spent the afternoon on the couch. I was really tired. I do seem to do better if I get a good night's sleep. Apparently, that was not in the cards last night. Hopefully tonight will be better.

Stuff....

Tonight and tomorrow a lot of things seem to be happening. I get to meet with my doula tonight. I am very excited about that. Tomorrow I have another ultrasound, and Hubby actually gets to go with me. I also take my car in to be fixed tomorrow. It has been stalling out at odd moments. I am hoping that all it needs is a tuneup or something else sort of minor. Hubby wants to take me out to dinner tomorrow, too. I think if I rest most of the afternoon I will be fine to go out to eat. We will see.

Will try to post more tomorrow or Thursday. Most likely Thursday.

Reality.

It was great visiting my parents. And the baby shower was really nice. I thought it was wonderful that they wanted to celebrate the baby, despite the fact that few of them have actually met me. My sister made me a Horton, which I will try to post pics of when the nursery is more together. He is fantastic! I also got some baby clothes, which made me realize that we are actually going to have to clothe the boy. Maybe I should work on that...

Right before I left, my mother wanted some belly shots. Unfortunately, she does not see very well, so many of the shots did not turn out really well. I sort of look like I am standing in front of a firing line. Not very pretty. Ah well. The things we do for our mothers.

I have my doubts that my parents will actually be moving down to Roanoke. They have a very nice life in Charlottesville, and they really seem to enjoy living there. The baby may trump a lot, though. I suspect if they do decide to move to Roanoke, it will likely be temporary. They may try to rent their house in Crozet for a couple of years, and move back after a while. Even if this happens, their move will not be exactly when the baby gets here. Fortunately, my mother is willing to come down and help us with the baby for a few weeks after the baby gets here. That should make life easier for a while.

What this all means is that I probably ought to start looking at child care arrangements for baby. Unfortunately, I have no clue as to what I will be doing after baby gets here, as I do not know if I want to return to my current job. (I am thinking I do not want to return.) I do not know if a new job will be full time or part time, and that could make a difference in child care arrangements. I guess I have some time, but I really do not like uncertainty. Drives me crazy.

My mother also mentioned that she wanted to do something about my keloids after the baby is born. I am a little frustrated with this. I have some fairly large keloids on my chest which I have had for years. At some point I decided that there was not a lot I could do about them, and I would just live with them. Anything I could do for them will not be covered by insurance, and may not do a lot of good anyway, because they are likely to grow back no matter what I do. I stopped seeing them and being bothered by them quite a while ago. Unfortunately, my mother and my grandmother are really bothered by them. Why, I do not know. As long as they are paying for the procedures and attempts at removal, I am fine. But it sort of annoys me that they are so bothered by what amounts to an overgrowth of scar tissue. Because that is all the keloids are. I guess I should not look a gift horse in the mouth, though.

I am beginning to feel like a small parade float. It is really obvious I am pregnant now. I have an obvious belly, and I waddle. Sometimes this is sort of neat. Other times, I just want to feel normal again. Someday...

Letting somone else do it.

Poor Hubby. I apparently have been rather needy lately, and he could use a break. Fortunately, I have an excuse to get out of town this weekend. Not too far. My mother's prayer group really wanted to hold a baby shower for me. They all prayed for me throughout my IVF cycle, and now they want to celebrate the fact that there is a baby on the way.

I think this is going to be my last solo trip before the baby is born. Charlottesville is only two hours away from me, so it should not be too bad a drive. I can take things slow the entire time, and then I can let my parents fuss over me. Sounds like a good deal to me. And Hubby gets a break from pregnant woman whining and neediness. Poor thing. And I get a break from the dogs. I may leave after lunch. I seem to be better in the afternoons lately.

I hope that Hubby will start putting the baby furniture together this weekend. Hubby's dad wanted to help with that, too. I do not think he has an excuse to avoid it this weekend!