Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Post Partum Stuff

A slight lack of sleep has affected me. I definitely have baby brain, and I sort of feel like I have been hit by a truck. Everything is changing, and little of it is within my control. This is really scary for me.

So far, the breastfeeding has been going well, except for fits of gasiness. I talked to the lactation consultant, and she gave me some things to do. She suspects the gas is due to an oversupply of foremilk. Little A is gulping the foremilk and swallowing a lot of air. She told me to change positions and lean way back or use the football hold when I breastfeed so that he has to work against gravity to swallow. If he pulls back, give him a chance to catch his breath, and then put him back on the same breast. She also said that I should only nurse one breast at a feeding, so that he is more likely to get the hindmilk that he needs. I may need to break out my pump soon so that I do not feel so lopsided. At the moment, I am living with it. It does not seem so bad.

I think I also have a touch of post partum depression. I cannot drive, I have a baby to take care of, and I feel like I am at the mercy of people who do not listen to me, or understand me. Or maybe I am just not communicating very well right now. My mother has been spending time with me as I learn how to mother, and recover from surgery. It has been wonderful having her around, as I am not sure of myself yet. But there are times when I feel like she just does not understand where I am, or how I want to do things. Or maybe I am just being post-partumish and only see what I want to see right now. I do not know. I do things much differently than she does, and it is an adjustment for me to be so dependent on someone else. I want to do things myself. I want my life back. I want to be able to go to the store and get the things I need to take care of myself and my baby. I also think I am mourning what my life used to be. I think I have a right to mourn that life. It was a good life, and life with the baby will be good, too. I just need to adjust to it.

I must say that despite all the depressing and frustrating stuff, I love the little guy to pieces. He is so cute, and I think I could stare at him for hours. Though I suspect that my husband is more besotted with him than I am. I love seeing my husband interact with little A. It is obvious Hubby loves his son. My son is extremely precious to me, and I do not have the words right now to express how much I love him. Both of us are head over heels in love with the baby.

I guess things are normal, or at least as normal as they can be right now. I know this will pass, and things will get better soon. I just need to hang in there.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

The long awaited birth..

On Saturday morning of Jan 16, around 3:30 AM, I started having contractions which woke me up. I actually suspect that I was having contractions during dinner on Friday, but they were so similar to normal pregnancy aches and pains that I did not pay attention to them. Once the contractions started becoming more organized, we called our doula, who came over and sat with us. It was really comforting to me having someone there who knew what was happening. I think Hubby liked it, as well.

As the contractions started getting stronger and closer together, we finally called the doctor. I wanted to go ahead and move while I still could. Those contractions were getting harder and harder to deal with. I think we called around shift change, as the first name we got was someone neither the doula or I wanted. When we did not get a call back after 20 minutes, we called again, and got a different doc, which was a wonderful thing! I was so happy that this doc was the one to do the birth. She was fantastic.

We got to the hospital around 8:30 or 9 AM. I am a little unsure of times, because I was dealing with fairly regular contractions this entire time. And then my water broke right as we were leaving for the hospital. Unfortunately, fluid did not continue to leak, so they had to use a speculum to get a sample of fluid to check to see if my water did, in fact, break. That is not fun to have done in between contractions, by the way. Because my water broke, they went ahead and admitted me. The nurse I was assigned was the same one who took care of me the day I had the SVT incident. That was really wonderful, as I liked her. My doula liked her, too. It makes the hospital stay so much better when you have a good nurse!

Things actually progessed well until the afternoon. I was able to move a little, and they kept me drinking water because I had a hep locked IV. By around 2:30 in the afternoon I was dilated to about 8 cm. Unfortunately, I did not get any further dilated the next few hours. At some point, I felt the urge to push. Unfortunately, I was still at 8 cm, so pushing would have been bad. At this point, I was offered an epidural, and my choice of anesthesiologists. (One advantage of being an OR nurse!) I got a fantastic anesthesiologist to do my epidural, so I know it was done right. My doula let me know that this is an appropriate use for an epidural, as it would keep me from wanting to push. Thank goodness for drugs! It felt so good to have a break from the contractions. I was getting really tired!

Before change of shift, my doula asked if a particular nurse was on that night. Fortunately, that nurse was on, and the nurse was assigned to me. The night nurse would try everything possible to get me a vaginal birth. She flipped me on my belly to try to get the baby to rotate. She tried a pitocin drip to help get the baby moving. These things actually worked, and finally got me fully dilated. So I could try pushing now. Unfortunately, by this time, and baby was starting to get stressed. He was tachycardic, and he would have dips in his heart rate with contractions which was making the doula, the nurse, and the doctor all rather nervous. And he was not coming down any further.

I finally got to a point where I just could not do it any more. A vaginal birth would have meant several more hours of pushing, an increasingly stressed baby, and an increasingly tired mommy. At this point, the doctor was not even sure I would have vaginal birth. So I gave up on the vaginal birth. I just wanted it to be over. I had been in labor for about 20 hours at this point, and I was tired, and I knew that my baby was stressed. It felt like nothing good was happening to either me or the baby. It was time to head to the OR. Once I made the decision, I felt a lot better. I knew that it would be over soon, and I would soon have my baby. And all of us will have made it through the ordeal in relative good health. (Or at least as healthy as one can be after surgery!)

I do not remember much about the OR, other than being wheeled in, transferred over to the OR table, and I remember seeing my baby over the drape and hearing him cry. After that, I was blessedly out. Thank goodness for wonderful anesthesia providers! Anesthesia is a good thing!

After waking up in the recovery room, the nurses and my doula helped me put my baby to me breast for his first breastfeeding. He latched on immediately and sucked down the colostrum. He loves the titties!

One person I have not mentioned a whole lot in this story, but who was awesome the entire time is my Hubby! He was there through all of the labor. He was right at my side, encouraging and being a great cheerleader. He was also the first family member to hold the baby after he was born. Hubby got to hold little AC while they were putting me back together. (I gave him a pass on the OR. He has a hard time with needles in a hospital room. An OR would have been too much for him.) I think ever since, he has been over the moon about the baby. I am really glad Hubby got to hold him first.

Friday, January 22, 2010

There is no place like home!

I missed being home. There is no place like your own bed. Even with a new baby in the house.
I would like to apologize in advance for this post, as I am suffering the effects of sleep deprivation. I am sure that many of you will understand. I am also not up to writing the birth story yet. I would like to be slightly more awake, or at least able to function before I write it.

I had no idea how often babies need to eat! I feel like he is constantly attached to me. Though he breastfeeds like a champ. Once I get the boy latched on, he goes to town. I am also really happy I got the boppy pillow. It makes things way more comfortable.

Dogs are doing all right with the baby. Currently we have the bedroom blocked off to give me some dog free space so I can recover from surgery and nurse the baby in peace. (I just do not want me or the baby to be stepped on!) For the most part, the dogs leave the baby alone unless he cries. We bring the baby out to the living room for a little bit each day, to get everyone used to being together. They are still getting used to some of his noises. I also try to spend some time with the dogs in the living room without the baby, too. They deserve to spend time with me, too. Hubby suspects that they are worried about me, too. The dogs have been getting a lot of petting from me every time they see me emerge from the bedroom. We are slowly coming together. The current situation will not last forever, and I will be back to walking dogs soon, I hope.

We had a visit with the lactation consultant associated with my peds practice. Apparently the baby is doing really well. No jaundice, he gained 2 ounces since Wednesday, and he is having appropriate amount of dirty diapers. Things seem to be going well. We made our one month and two month well baby visits on our way out.

I am off to rest some more. I am sure that little A will wake up soon and want to eat!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Finally here!

Alton Carrick finally made his appearance early Sunday morning. After a 23 hour labor followed by a c section. Will post more after I am home on Wednesday.

Friday, January 15, 2010

And the waiting continues.

The massage therapist did mash on the magic acupressure points. I have been crampy since the massage, but nothing organized, and nothing really strong. I think I did have a few small contractions last night. They really hurt, but I guess they could have been really strong braxton-hicks. They were spread out over several hours, though. They did not occur again after I took a bath, so I was able to sleep through the night.

I think both Hubby and I are just looking for patterns, and truly hoping for labor. Anything to end the pregnancy!

Here is hoping that all this crampiness organizes into something! Come on, baby!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I was fine until...

I lost control of my bladder. I am not talking about a couple of drops or a small amount of discharge. I am talking about my bladder letting go without warning. (And I am sure it is not my water breaking. It smelled like urine, so I am pretty sure it is urine.) I am not a happy camper. I go to the bathroom, and when I am done, I squirt when I stand up! Very frustrating! It is time for this little one to come out so that I can have my body back. The incontinence is the last straw!

Due date is today, but he does not seem to be giving any indication of going anywhere. (Other than wanting to sit on my bladder.) He is kicking and making his presence known, but that is about it. No signs of labor. Much to my disappointment. I have a pregnancy massage today, so maybe they can work on acupressure points and get things moving. We can only hope.

I am sort of hoping to go into labor on Friday. I know I have very little control over when I will actually go into labor, but Friday would be great. My OB is on call that day, Hubby is not really working that day. It would be great. I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens. More waiting....

Monday, January 11, 2010

And still waiting...

I feel like I am starting to sound like a broken record. Nothing new this OB appointment. BP fine, and my other numbers look good. Nurse practitioner told me that nothing is happening with my cervix. It is still high. This child is in no hurry to go anywhere. It is very frustrating.

I have to think that the twinges, the pulling, and the back pain indicate that something is happening in there. He is also fairly active. That also has to indicate something. I want to feel like he is ready to come out, but there is no indication that he is actually doing anything productive. At the moment, it feels like I will be pregnant forever. I know that is not true, but that is the way it feels for me right now.

My next OB appointment is with a different doc. My OB is only working two days next week, and she is over booked both days, so I have to see someone else. And I have to see a doctor, not an NP. I am not all that happy about the one I have an appointment with, but she may end up with me in the labor room, so I probably ought to figure out how to deal with her. I hope that if I see her in the office, she will not be on call when I finally do go into labor. Here's hoping, anyway.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

More waiting.

Still nothing on the baby front. We will see what happens at my OB appointment tomorrow. My OB is off this week, so if I do go into labor it will be a crap shoot as to who I get. Well, really, it would be the same if my OB was on, as she is part of a large practice. Though if she were on, she would likely round on me at some point. Fortunately, I like most of the docs in the practice. There are a few I hope to avoid, but I doubt I will have a choice in the matter. Pretty much I am praying that someone good is on when our little one decides to make his appearance. Keeping fingers crossed.

My college classmate gave birth to a baby boy! She has been sort of scarce on FB, so I do not truly know how she and the little one are doing. I hope all is well.

Queenie over at Baby, Borneo, or Bust went into labor. Hooray for her! I am sure we will see pics of her little one before long.

With all these people having their babies, I feel sort of left behind. I know it will happen. And I am fairly sure he will be here before the end of the month, but the wait is not fun. Especially for someone as impatient as I am!

Friday, January 8, 2010

nothing new.

Still waiting. Nothing new to report. Next appointment is Monday with the NP. I may be slightly disappointed if he decides to arrive while my OB is off. But not too disappointed, as I am ready to be done with this pregnancy!

I saw on FB yesterday that a college classmate of mine was hospitalized yesterday with pre-ecclampsia and gestational diabetes. She was due in another month or two. It made me think about how lucky I am to have missed those two issues with this pregnancy. It also made me think about luck, in general. I know I was/am at risk for both pre-ecclampsia and gestational diabetes. I suspect that I was a more likely candidate to actually come down with these conditions. I am overweight, have PCOS, and this is my first pregnancy at 35. How did I manage to avoid bed rest and hospitalization and my healthier, lighter classmate did not? Maybe it had to do with the approaches our OBs took. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I knew a lot about my metabolic issues heading into my pregnancy (thanks, IF!), and my docs were able to take steps to control them. I do not know what made the difference between us. I know that I feel for her and her little ones. I suspect that she is likely scared for herself and the baby. I wish her all the best and I am keeping her in my thoughts. Hoping for a good outcome all around.

As for me, all I know is that at 39 weeks, I know my baby is full term, and both mother and baby are relatively healthy. I think that is something to be thankful for.

Monday, January 4, 2010

And still waiting...

OB fly-by was uneventful. BP was slightly lower than last week, at 130/80. Everything else looked good, too. Cervix is still high, though. Baby is in no hurry to go anywhere yet.

My OB is off next week, so I have a fly-by with the NP.

So I am still waiting....
No if only my sinuses would clear, I would have an easier time waiting.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Welcome to 2010

Our New Year's Eve celebration was fantastic. It was fun hanging out with my family, and Hubby was a star and did all the cooking. He rocked. He even cleaned the kitchen the next day. A good time was had by all. I only made it to 10:30 PM, though. I was pretty tired at the end of the evening. I think I am still recovering, as I am exhausted.

I have had no energy the past couple of days. Even a nap this afternoon did not help me feel any better. I am a little queasy, really tired, and generally do not feel good. I had a couple of BH contractions this morning. One after I got up to go to the bathroom, the second as I was eating breakfast. I had to lay down before I was finished eating. The contractions really sort of hurt. (Not as bad as labor, I suspect.) I hope this is a good sign that the end is near. I am ready to not be pregnant anymore, and both Hubby and I are ready to welcome our little one in to the world. Though I think Hubby still gets a bit of kick out of me being pregnant. He even commented on it today. For some reason, he was even excited about my stretch marks.

I have not had a lot of thought on the coming year. I have no resolutions, and the only expectation I have is that I will give birth. I know it will be a year of change, as I get used to being a mother and adapting to having a little one around. I think that is enough for anyone, really.

2009 for us was definitely a year of expectation. We finally got the chance to do an IVF cycle in April, which produced our little one, still to be born. We dealt with pregnancy, and the freaking out of my body. I realized that I have to change how I think in order to handle the stress of pregnancy on my body. And likely I will also have to change how I think after becoming a mother. I am amazed that I am actually able to grow another human. Though it would have been nice to have an easier pregnancy. I am sort of hoping this indicates that my little one will be a good baby, as he made my life hell throughout his gestation.

I hope that 2010 is good to everyone!