Friday, February 27, 2009

Thank you and Honest Scrap

I just want to say thanks for all of your comments on my freak out post. I will try to keep my OCD in check. It will be difficult, but I think I can do it.

Thanks also for the music recommendations. Pink did make the cut, and so did Rhianna. I also downloaded Immaculate Conception. I figured you cannot go wrong with Madonna. I ended up downloading some stuff from Christina Aguilera, as well. Go girl power!


Jess at Life in the White House bestowed the Honest Scrap Award on me earlier in the week. It has taken me until now to actually get around to it. You all should really stop by. She deserves congratulations because she got her miracle, and is making the transition to pregnancy.

Honest Scrap Rules

1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design .

2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself

My list of 10 honest things about me.

1. I love having Great Danes. They are so cool, and attract a whole lot of attention where ever they go. They are also very sociable, so people love them. There are actually two reactions. They love them, or they are really freaked out by them. Not a lot of in between.

2. We bought our couch for our dogs. We needed a couch big enough for both of us and both dogs. As a result, we have a huge sectional from Pottery Barn. Love the denim slip covers. They are fantastic.

3. Hubby recently got an iMac. On his computer he got a parallel Windows OS for his computer games. I made fun of him because I think the mac OS works fine. He got defensive about it because all he wanted to be able to do was play his games on his new computer. Sigh. I had no idea his PC gaming was that important to him. He also has an xBo.x 360 and a PS2. I think the XB.ox gets the most use, though.

4. I love doing creative stuff. I really enjoy having a sewing room I can just keep all my sewing stuff available. Maybe I will sew this weekend. That is a thought. I have several projects that I have not been able to get around to.

5. I decided that I am not going to compete with Gertrude in the agility competition in March. My gut says that the timing is just wrong. I really want to wait a year and maybe compete with her next year, if ever. I will still go to the agility seminar and help out at the event. I will just not compete. That just feels like the right thing to do.

6. It has been a while since I got a pedicure. I sort of miss it. I really ought to make a appointment and just go. It helps me to go regularly. I work on my feet all day, and I should take care of them when I get the chance.

7. I do not drink enough water. I cannot drink at work, and do not drink enough when I am not at work. As a result, I am pretty sure I am dehydrated most of the time. I try to drink water, but I sure it is not enough.

8. I do not regret getting my dragon tattoo. I love having a red dragon in the middle of my back. I have had it for about 6 months now, and still enjoy it. I know it is there, even if I cannot see it.

9. My favorite color is yellow. It is a happy color. I have a lot of yellow throughout my house.

10. I am constantly amazed that I am good at what I do. I love being a nurse, and I love being in the OR. It is gratifying when I get positive feedback from co-workers and surgeons. I am trying not to let it go to my head. It is not good to get too cocky. I will never know everything.

Seven Blogs I really like. This award has made the rounds, and I always feel like I am the last to do this. If you have already gotten this, then I apologize.

1. A Few Good Sperm. She is sort of new to to the blog world, and I just think she has a really nice blog. More people should go see it.
2. Murgdan at Concieve This! I suspect that she has already been nominated elsewhere, but she is one of my favorites, and I could not help but award her again.
3. Queenie at Baby, Borneo, or Bust... I suspect she has also been nomiated already, but again, she is another of my faves, so I could not help but do it again.
4. Katie at The Happy Hours. She has a wonderful blog, and I love reading her journey.
5. Liddy at The Unfair Struggle. She has such a full life.
6. Ann at Praying for a Miracle. She is about to trigger and then enter the 2ww. She could use some support. (Or distraction, whichever.)
7. s.e. at Riding the Roller Coaster. This is a wonderful blog I found through ICLW, and I just had to share.

Whew, that is done!
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I think I am really freaked out.

For whatever reason, I am really nervous about this IVF consult appointment. IVF is new and unknown to me, and this appointment is just for a consult. But it is really freaking me out. I have felt a lot of tension in my shoulders lately, and it will not go away. Working out makes it decrease, but the tension is still there. I really think the tension is there because of the IVF consult.

I have all sorts of questions running through my mind. Will the Wizard be as wonderful as I remember him? I know that IVF is a good choice for us, but will it work with my schedule? (My schedule is crazy.) Will Hubby be able to make his donation at a time convenient to him? (Because his schedule is crazy, too.) Will the Wizard really be able to work with the Apprentice? Will I have to do another injection class, or can we skip it because we did a few cycles with injectables already. (Not to mention, I am a nurse! I went to school for that.)

I am probably making a mountain out of a molehill. This seems to be my nature, though. I worry a lot. I call it having control issues. That seems to be a polite way of putting it. (Others who are not as nice call it OCD.) In the OR it is a good thing. Outside of the OR, it tends to drive people batty. I try to let go, and do without doing. But it is really hard for me.

Just trying to keep breathing. One more day of work, and then I am off until March 3. (Maybe I should ask to go home early tomorrow.) I am really looking forward to Saturday. Saturday we are off to spend an evening getting drunk in an Irish pub and singing pub songs. I am really looking forward to that. It should be a nice distraction!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Wednesday Post

Just not feeling very creative today. Been spending a lot of time exploring blogs and commenting.

Work was actually sort of nice. I got to be in a GYN room (which is my specialty) and we even did a case! Wow! All of my skills in one day. Who knew? Tomorrow I am in another case, but it is with urology. The team I am with tomorrow is really good, so I am hoping it will be a good day.

This week is not the most exciting for IF stuff. Just waiting for my IVF consult on Monday. Until then, stuff is status quo. Not much exciting going on. I sort of wish I had more excitement for ICLW.

I started looking at itunes store for music to work out to, but I am still open to suggestions. I have got a few things from Pink, and Just Dance by Lady GaGa, but that is it so far.

I did get some good news today, though. The schedule for next month is out, and I have March 1-3 off! I get a bonus day, and it will feel like a 5 day weekend. With the IF consult in the middle, of course. I also have the weekend off after A.OrN Con.gree, so I should be able to do the agility competition with Gertrude. I love it when a plan comes together.

Monday, February 23, 2009

LOL Monday

For those new to my little corner of the internets, I try to start the week out with a smile. What better to give that smile than a loldog?

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sunday, and done with my chores!

I finally got all my chores done! That feels really good. I now have food in the house, clean sheets, and a clean bathroom. I mended my sheets today before putting them on the bed! I even played on my treadmill. I usually feel better after working out, and today was no exception.

I am a little bored with my workout music, though. I am thinking of hitting the store, but I want to spend my money wisely. My workout is intervals of running and and walking. I love Pink, and I may get some of her music. I am also thinking "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera. What do you all think? Do you all have any thoughts on what music I should get to work out to? I welcome any and all suggestions.

I have done a lot of stuff for my dogs lately. I finished by bio for my training club application. I need to contact a couple of people before I actually put in the application. I sent off for a working spot in an agility seminar. It should be interesting spending a morning doing agility with my dog. I also have my application for the NA.DAC competition almost filled out. I plan on volunteering and competing on Saturday. I am not sure if I am going to compete on Sunday. I need to think about it. I might not. I think I may need the day to just chill out and spend it with Hubby. That plan sounds like the best to me.

I have not forgotten Oscar. He starts obedience in the middle of March. I think it should be good for him. We started using an Easy harness on him. He likes it a lot better than the Hal.ti. Gertrude still uses the Ha.lti because she is a creature of habit.

Now I can relax and watch the race in Cali!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

I feel the love!

It has been a while since I did ICLW. I forgot how wonderful it is!

Welcome to all who are seeing me for the first time, and welcome back to my more regular readers.

For those who are new, here is the short version.

Hubby and I married in 1996, and I went off birth control in 1998.
In 2000, I was diagnosed with PCOS. We did not pursue IF treatment at this time. Just did not feel right, for some reason. (OK, we put it off for mainly financial reasons, but it does not change the fact that I put it off.)
In the meantime, I continued going to school. I have a couple of master's degrees, and a second bachelor's degree. My second bachelor's degree is my nursing degree.
in 2006, we finally started seeing an RE in Richmond. (I call him the Wizard of IF.) I still had PCOS, though it was under control. I actually ovulate, who knew? We were also diagnosed with male factor IF. Hubby's sperm has poor morphology. The Wizard told us that IVF with ICSI is our best hope for getting me pregnant. We did not do anything with IVF at this time. (Do you sense a trend?)

in 2008, we moved to Roanoke. I started seeing an RE in Roanoke, but he does not do IVF. (I call him the Apprentice.) This past year, we tried two cycles of IUI with injectable meds. We figured it was worth a try. BFN, both times. Sigh.
Over the past few months, Hubby has decided that we can try IVF. (We have someone who will help us pay for it.) We have an appointment with the Wizard on March 2. We both have to be there, apparently. I am looking forward to it.

(Yes, that is the short version. Really.)

Outside of IF, here are a few random-ish facts
*I am an OR RN at a level I trauma center. (I discovered I hate doing traumas, though. The chaos drives me nuts.)
*I have two Great Danes, who I love. Other people shuttle their kids to extracurricular activities, I shuttle my dogs to extracurricular activities.
* I do agility training with Gertrude, my girl Dane. She is my dog, and I love spending the time with her. I am going to try to compete in March for the first time.
*I have an artistic side I do not let out often enough, probably.
*My living room is painted a lovely creamy yellow. (Yellow is my favorite color.)
*For some reason, I have been into polka dots lately. Do not know why.
*I love to cook, but the long hours I work make it difficult sometimes.

The blog is about life, infertility, and whatever else floats through my head and onto the screen.

Welcome all!

Friday, February 20, 2009

I survived!

This week felt really awful. Or maybe it was just the second half of the week which felt so awful. But it is the weekend now, and I am not on call. Thank goodness, and let the drinking begin. All hell seemed to break out in the Noke this afternoon. Or at least it was nuts in the OR. Cases went slowly, and the add-on list was as long as your arm. I did not get home until 5 PM. I was scheduled until 3 PM. My day was really nice, though. I was in a great room, with a wonderful team. It felt like our little island of sanity in an insane world. Even better, I get to work with the same surgeon on Monday. I love it. A little consistency is a good thing.

I have a couple of goals for the weekend. I want to finish my application to the obedience and agility training club, and I want to get my application in for my agility competition. I think it should be possible. At least I think so. If I am lucky, I will be able to get a working spot in an agility seminar. I think that would be wonderful.

I just realized that next week is IComLeavWe. I guess I better get my commenting on, I guess. I hope I can keep up.

Will post a more coherent post later. Promise...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I reject your reality and substitute my own!

I wish I did not have to deal with reality. I do not have anything specific to complain about, really. Just a general case of the blahs, and wanting a vacation really badly. I wish I could take a day just for me.

Two of the bloggers I follow are pregnant. I think it is fantastic they got the miracle they wanted. I know what they have been though to get there, and they should celebrate it. Now I want my miracle. For some reason, I feel left behind. I think it is the competitive streak in me. I should not feel bad for myself, because we are working toward getting me pregnant. We have the IVF consult coming up in a couple of weeks. That is step one. I think we will likely attend with calendars in hand and hopefully schedule a cycle. That is what I am hoping, at any rate. I have something to hope for, I just need to remember I have it.

I think I have come up with names for my docs. I think my Richmond RE will be called the Wizard of IF, or the Wizard for short. He is a little guy, and I always seem to see him from behind the sheet across my legs. Sort of seems appropriate. My Roanoke RE works with the IVF centers and monitors local patients, so I think I may call him the Apprentice. IF treatment seems a bit magical to me. There is a whole lot of chance involved.

And now for something completely different...
I am trying to decide if I want to actually compete in agility with Gertrude. There is an agility match coming up in March. I should be available that weekend. There is even a course of nothing but jumps and tunnels. I know she can do both of those obstacles for the match. The class I am taking will be going over skills I could use for the match. Competing makes me nervous. I will never know until I try, I guess. It will also be a nice distraction from everything else going on. I thought I would wait another year before trying to compete with her, but everyone keeps telling me that you have to start somewhere. She does do jumps and tunnels well.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

There is no place like home...

If you want to return to your home, I think it is a sign that you love where you live. It feels good to be home. There is truly no place like it. Dogs are sleeping on the couch, everyone is playing on the internet. Things are happy in our household.

Even having my period is not so bad. The IVF consult is only a couple of weeks away, and my period will likely show up a couple of weeks after the consult. And I can drink while I am at the AORN conference in Chicago in March. That will make the trip that much better. Of course, anything is better with alcohol.

I really need to think up code names for my various REs. "Roanoke RE" and "Richmond RE" are a lot to write out, and I think the time has come to name these guys. Why not? Unfortunately, nothing comes to mind immediately. I may have to think some on this and get back to you. I may have to huddle with the Hubby.

I think I want to switch my OB/GYN doc. I recently found out that a GYN doc I love working with has started doing OB again. (I called her Dr Sweetness in previous posts, if you have been reading for a while.) I may have to just make an appointment for my yearly with her. I think it is almost time for it, anyway. What luck!

Off to bathe and then bake cookies. I have been wanting to bake for a while, and I think today is the day. Maybe I will even post pictures when I get done...

Friday, February 13, 2009

In C'ville

We finally got here last night around 8 PM. From what Hubby told me about his schedule, I figured that it would be late-ish before we got there. We decided to eat something before we left. After we got here, I sent him off to play with this lawyer friend, and just hung out at the house with my sister and the parents. Hubby and my father talked late into the evening. I kept falling asleep in my chair, so I went to bed a little earlier than Hubby did.

Hubby got off to his CLE this morning. I get to hang around and have a slow morning getting caught up on my blogging and getting hyped up on caffeine. I think it will be later this morning before any of my family is ready to do anything. And that is all right. I have no problems spending some personal time with my computer.

With the onset of my period, we are now waiting for the IVF consult on March 2. At least we have some hope during this waiting. At some point in the future, we will have a greater chance of getting pregnant. (See trying to be more positive. Not sure if it is working, though.)

Apparently, Gertude and I will be in the Intermediate agility class during the next session. It is the same instructor we have had for the last few classes. Apparently, this class prepares us for competition. There is an agility competition I could enter toward the end of March, but I am not sure if Gertrude and I will be ready. I am still thinking about it. At the very least, I plan on volunteering to help out at the event. That way I can get a better feel for what it is like to compete. I think I would like another year to gain confidence in myself as a handler, and in Gertude on the course. She has come a long way since we started doing agility. I think it has been good for both of us. Now if only I could get motivated to train her outside of class.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Experience Breeds Pessimism

In grand rounds this morning I heard the above statement. (We do grand rounds in lieu of one of our weekly nursing in-services.) The above statement was said in reference to medical education, but it struck a chord with me, at least in relation to my infertility journey.

"Experience breeds pessimism."

I have been dealing with infertility for about a decade. Believe it or not, I started out fairly optimistic. I did my BBT religiously, and went to my GYN to discuss infertility. (Where I got diagnosed with PCOS.) Every cycle was another chance. I used to think, 'Maybe it will happen this cycle.' I did not do anything with IF until I started seeing an RE a several years after my PCOS diagnosis. The RE tried me on Clomid. I was fairly optimistic with Clomid, at first. Until we got the male factor diagnosis. Then I was fairly sure that only IVF or donor insemination were our only choices for a child. Two IUIs later, I am still fairly sure that this is true. Though I have a hunch that I will probably be outwardly pessimistic about my cycles with IVF.

The more experience I had with IF, the more pessimistic I got about our chances of pregnancy. Now I think I will believe it when I see it. The idea of me being pregnant is completely unbelievable to me. People would ask me if I am excited about what I was doing. Honestly, I am not that excited. It is a lot of poking a prodding for a slight chance at a payoff. The chance is fairly small in my current situation. The chance of success for me is not even 70% with IVF, when you get right down to it. IVF is considerably less, around 15%. Honestly, it does not seem worth it to get excited and hopeful. I will get excited and hopeful when I get a good beta at the end of my IVF cycle. If I ever achieve a pregnancy, then I will get excited and hopeful. But not until then, so quit asking. I have been here too many times.

The other thing people have been asking me about is my opinion about is the octuplets. Most of the people who ask me about me probably already know what I am going to say, and I probably am fairly predictable. I just really pisses me off that she was allowed to do that. She had to have lied about her history, or the doc was irresponsible, or something, but there is definitely something wrong in that situation. I just pisses me off that women like her are the face of infertility medicine. Most of the women pursuing IF treatment are wanting even one child. I think the majority of us would not transfer as many embyos as that idiot did. I do not think our docs would allow it. Stirrup Queens has a wonderful post about the octuplets. I think she says it all, and she says it so well.

By the way, in case you are interested, my period is officially here today. Cramps, irritability, full flow, the works. I think I have taken another step into pessimism.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The end is near.

I am pretty sure I started pre-period spotting tonight. I knew that would happen. On the bright side, I should be done with my period by Sunday. That is a good thing for our sex life. Also, I am feeling more normal, as I come out of the

As I am waiting for my IVF consult, I may try the "foolproof plan" that XBox4NappyRash outlined. Just as soon as I figure out what it is. I thought this was great post. Go check it out, especially if you need a laugh.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Monday Musings

I am actually not feeling too awful after working last night. I think tomorrow's day shift will not be very fun, but I am trying not to think about that right now. Just having a slow day.

I should be able to make my meeting tonight. I want to try to join the club where I have been doing all my dog training. The first time I have been able to make a meeting is tonight. How pitiful is that.

I have not been keeping up with my meditation. I decided that I really like to sleep as late as I can in the mornings. I doubt anyone could blame me. I usually have to be at work before 7 AM. I can meditate in the afternoons, I am just very easily distracted. Bright shiny objects are a bit of an issue for me. I will continue trying. Hopefully I will be able to get it in on a regular basis.

I talked with my mother today. We decided that there is not a lot that we can do until my grandmother and my aunt accept the reality of the situation. I am on the other side of the state, and my mother is several hours away. Apparently my grandparents are going to Georgetown for a second opinion in the near future. Both my mother and I hope that they will be in a better place at that time.

My grandfather will be discharged from the hospital soon, though. He looks a lot better, apparently. He will be sent home with an IV, though. Which means home health. At least they will have some contact in the health care system. Even if it is not Hospice. I hope they get hospice in soon, though.

Apparently neither my grandmother or my aunt are doing very well at this point. The poor social worker is having a hard time coordinating care with them because neither one of them want to listen to what she has to say. All this poor woman wants to do is get the best quality care for my grandfather, and neither my aunt nor my grandmother are willing to deal with her. Nothing I can do about that, either. My aunt is apparently not returning my calls, even to touch base and talk about things.

I am trying to let things play out. But it is difficult. I hope that they see what they need really soon.

LOL Monday

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

This just seemed appropriate.

I hope you all have a good Monday!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Dark night of the soul.

Just feeling really down and out lately. I am trying to hold it together but it is getting hard to do. I guess I have reason to be down and out. Between the IF stuff and my grandfather dying and my family going crazy, I have a lot to deal with.

My grandparents have been in my thoughts lately. Apparently the oncologist gave my grandfather 3-6 months to live. Needless to say, this has shaken my entire family. My mother is the only person I feel comfortable calling for updates. My aunt and grandmother are not dealing very well with the situation. From what my mother tells me, neither one of them are very coherent. My grandfather is still in the hospital. It would be nice if my family could get hospice involved before he is discharged. But I do not know if they are in any state to do that. All I can do is pray for them.

I guess I am doing some mourning, as well. It is difficult to imagine family gatherings without my grandfather. He loved acting the patriarch, and my grandmother loved letting him be a patriarch. He lived a long and full life. I feel like he deserves to leave this life with some dignity. I hope my grandmother and my aunt will be able to see this, too. (And soon, I hope!)

The IF stuff is just there. I will likely get my period Friday the 13th. (How appropriate!) Then we wait until March 2 to see the Richmond RE. I am PMS-y, but other than that, nothing really out of the ordinary. Even the dark mood I am in could be partially caused by my PMS.

We are traveling to my parents next weekend. Hubby has a CLE in Charlottesville, and I think it will do us both good to get out of town. I do not think we will stay the entire weekend, but we will get two nights there, and I get to spend Friday with my mother. I think that should be good for me. We may end up heading back on Saturday to have some quiet time to ourselves over the Valentine's weekend.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Maybe this is not so awful.

I truly needed the day off. I was going a wee bit over the edge. This day allowed me to regain a small piece of my sanity. (I do not think I was all together to begin with.)

This morning I called my Richmond RE's office to make the IVF appointment, and I remembered why I love the office so much. The regular secretary was working today, and we had a lovely chat before I made the appointment. (I had no idea that my Richmond RE did robot surgery. How cool!) The people in my Richmond RE office are so wonderful! The appointment is Mar 2, so hopefully I will only have one cycle off. Really, that is not so awful. I probably would have needed to do that, anyway. My poor ovaries could use the break.

On a completelu different topic, a weird thing happened to me. On a whim this morning, I put my name and number in on a local hospital's website, but did not attach my resume. It is a competitor to my current hospital. I was not really expecting anything to come of it. The recruiter called me later in the morning asking for a copy of my resume. We will see what comes of it. I am not expecting a whole lot. But it is flattering to be called. It makes me feel wanted.

So we are back to waiting. Now I not only get the end of my 2ww, but I also get to wait for the RE appointment and then wait for the next cycle to be over. Sigh. More waiting.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Sigh. Life can be such a bitch.

I got a message on my phone today from my Richmond RE. Apparently he wants to see both of us for the consult. It has been over a year since he has seen us, so I guess it makes sense. Why they could not have told me earlier, is beyond me. It is still a pain in the butt because my schedule and his schedule do not coincide very often. Our consult will likely be in March now. That is the first time I am likely to get time off.

On the bright side, my day off will actually be a day off. I have time to get caught up and relax. That is a gift, really.

I talked to my mother today and got an update on my grandfather. Apparently the oncologist gave him 3-6 months. My grandmother is apparently in denial, but she did only hear about the time line yesterday. I guess she can be allowed some time to deal with this. Hopefully she will let hospice in before he is discharged from the hospital. I think she could use it. We will see.

Work was crazy, and all of are are feeling the stress. All of my co-workers seem really defeated lately, and I have not seen a lot of sympathy from management. Trying to stick with it and hoping that it gets better.

Tomorrow should be a decent day. If nothing else, because I have tomorrow off.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


I love not working 40 hours a week. I really do not care that I am taking PTO. I actually have a lot of PTO I can take. (despite the fact I have all these IF treatments to take off for.) I really want to go to part time position where I do not have to work 40 hours and I do not have to take call. Someday. I have already talked with Hubby about it. He thinks I could do it, but not just yet. He would have to be in a position to take most of the bills and the mortgage. Someday. I finally have a dream.

I was scheduled for 12 hours today, but they took pity on me and let me leave about 1 hour early. I think it pays to be nice. I had to play with a really nice urologist all day. I did not get yelled at today. That always makes for a good day. (Isn't that just sad?) Then I got to play with a uro-gyno surgeon. I have not played with them in ages. (Not even in a robot room! This is supposed to be my specialty!)

I am scheduled to work 10 hours tomorrow. Sigh. I doubt I will be able to leave early. At least I am with a really nice surgeon and wonderful scrub tech. (Only if they do not change my assignment.) I get to play with titties all day long. Overall, I think it should be a good day. Really. Titties are not so awful. The surgeon is fantastic! I love working with her.

Unfortunately, still tired. A little irritable to boot. Does not make for a good combo. People are beginning to notice that I am not at my best. I just need to keep holding on. I have Thursday off. I think I can make it. Hubby says I have been snoring lately. That could be part of the problem. Off to take some ben.adryl and go to bed.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Limbs so heavy...

I am so tired that I feel like if I close my eyes for a second, I doze off. I still have agility class to get through tonight. I am sure I will perk up a bit for that. But then I will come home and collapse. Sigh. Not very good company tonight, I suspect. All I want to do right now is go to bed.

I talked with my grandmother yesterday. She is still in the denial phase. She is thinking of getting a second opinion and hoping my grandfather's cancer can be cured. She is talking about chemo and radiation therapy. I doubt my grandfather is at death's door, but she does need to come to terms with the fact that this is going to kill him eventually. The cancer has apparently progressed enough that it will not respond to radiation or chemo. Unfortunately, my grandmother is the queen of denial. I think she will continue to deny reality as long as possible. I do not think she will let it get in the way of caring for for my grandfather. She will do her best to maintain quality of life for him. At least I hope so.

As far as IF stuff goes, I am still waiting. An trying not to grasp at straws. IUI was Friday. The only symptoms I am likely having are from poor sleep and maybe residual effects of the HCG shot. Too soon for anything, really.

I learned today that the ortho team is trying to figure out who will get pregnant next. One of my coworkers (who is an ortho and neuro OR nurse) recently got pregnant soon after having a baby. Apparently, they are thinking the best chances are between me and one of my other coworkers. She is seeing her hubby only on the weekends right now, as she is in the process of moving out of the area. I have been open about my IF treatments, so everyone knows about what is happening with me. On one hand, it is nice to know that they are rooting for me. On the other hand, I am not sure if I like being a part of a competition. I do not think my co-worker appreciates it, either.
Other than that, I am not sure how I feel about it.

LOL Monday

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

I hope everyone has a good Monday!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

I am trying not to feel guilty.

I need to have less loyalty to work. Do not get me wrong, I am grateful I have a job. It is even a job I enjoy. But it is still just a job. And I may be making a mountain out of a mole hill. Here is the situation....

I scheduled my IVF appointment for my day off (Thursday). I am scheduled to work 12 hours on Friday. (7A-7P). If the appointment was in town, it would not be a problem. I could go to the appointment and not worry about getting to work the next day. Unfortunately, the appointment is in Richmond. I want to spend the night with my parents in Charlottesville Thursday night and come home Friday. I would like to have Friday off, because I really want to spend some time with my parents before I come home. With everything going on with my family, it would be nice to connect with them. After looking at the schedule, I do not see any way to switch my schedule around so that I can have that day off. I am really tempted to call in on Friday. My parents would probably be willing to be my excuse. I think I need a sanity day, anyway. I have a lot going on, and a day off may help my mental status.

This is not too awful, is it? I should not feel too guilty about this, right? I woke up in a panic at 4 AM this morning because I was so worried about this. Took me forever to get back to sleep. I suspect my panic is not just about the IVF appointment. I suspect my panic is a combination of things: the fact that my grandfather is dying, I am in the 2ww, and I am thinking about moving on to IVF. I think that is enough to make anyone panic.