Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Touchy-feely Tuesday

Hopefully I can get this done quickly so that I can get ready for tomorrow.

Just not feeling it today.  Probably because I am coming down with another flipping cold.  I am sick of being sick.  It would be nice to have at least one month off.  The summer would be really nice. 

Baby was up every three hours last night.  Between teething and the cold, he has been pretty miserable.  I am hoping he sleeps better tonight.

Baby broke his humidifier this morning.  He pushed over the table the humidifier was on and cracked the part which holds the water.  Pretty good for pushing it over on carpet.  I guess he really did not like it.

I think I cannot put him down before 7 PM.  He just cries and will not go to sleep.  At least it is consistent.

I lost weight this week!  Hooray!  Unfortunately WW took more points away from me.  Sigh.

Skipped going to the gym today because there was no time, and I was feeling a little draggy.  I am not up for rushing anything today.

I am sure there are other things I wanted to say, but I cannot come up with them right now.  Maybe I should move this post to Thursday, when I have a bit more time to write it.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Apparently I am not immune...

It appears I can be as judgmental as the next mommy.

Hubby and I went out for a date on Friday night.  (Not our usual night.  We usually have Saturday as our date night, but our sitter was not available on Saturday.)

We went to our favorite restaurant, looking for a relaxing and good dinner.  We probably got to the restaurant about quarter to eight in the evening.

There appeared to be children everywhere!

The older kids, I was fine with.  Elementary school age and up, they can more or less be trusted in a restaurant, and probably enjoy an occasional late evening.  I am actually looking forward to doing some later night stuff with our little one when he gets old enough.  I was even all right with babies.  Babies tend to be up late, anyway.

I was surprised at how many toddlers there were out and about.   There were at least two there while we were there.  (Though one was leaving as we were coming in, that was all right.)  I kept thinking that they should be in bed, or getting ready for bed!  Not out for a dinner with their parents.  What are their parents thinking?  Little ones need their sleep, otherwise it is no fun for anyone!

I think part of it was that I was out for an evening with Hubby to get away from babies and children.  It was frustrating to encounter them on our night out.  I kept thinking about our little one, and how he gets cranky about 6:30-7 PM every night.  If we do not start getting him ready for bed by that time, he ends up having a meltdown.  Not fun for any one. 

Hubby came up with an excuse, though.  Friday is the day that custody changes.  So people were probably picking up their children, and taking them out to eat.  Sounds reasonable, I guess.  Still not happy about encountering a toddler on our late night out.

I am thinking that we will only have date nights on Saturday from now on.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Touchy-feely Thursday

Way delayed this week.  It seems I cannot keep a schedule outside of work and school.

  • Was very excited to get all of my grading done today.  Now I have the weekend to relax and chill. Hopefully next week will be better.
  • I think I have spring fever, as I just want to lay around and not do much.  I would prefer doing nothing much in the spring like weather we have been having.
  • Unfortunately the spring like weather has disappeared for the weekend.  Sigh.  Still do not feel like doing much.
  • Have started reading romance novels again.  I forgot how relaxing it was to read.  And I love how predictable romances are.  Though if the heroine is too much of an idiot, I will not read it!
  • Debating a e-reader, as baby hates having a book over him, and the page turns distract him.
  • Finally get my hair cut tomorrow.  Took me long enough to get it done, and it really needs it!
  • Our date night is Friday this week.  I do not mind, and it may work out better sometimes.  We will see how it works.
  • Really hating all the appointments I have lined up.  I only have two times during the week I can get appointments in, and both times are filled up again next week.  That is my only free time during the week, and I have to spend it in doctor's offices.  Next week is PCP for a cardiologist referral/recommendation, and the eye doctor for new contacts.
  • Baby has been going to sleep around 7 PM every night, which is difficult for dinner for us.  Hubby often does not get home until around 6 PM, which is after Little Guy's dinner and about the time Little Guy needs a bath.  Which means that we do not get dinner until after 7 PM.  Sigh. 
  • Really hate having my period.  Why does it always seem to look like a massacre at least once during the week?
  • I get a couple of deliveries tomorrow.  I ordered a climbing play set for our little guy, and we are getting a DVR for us.  I just cannot make the transition to Netflicks.  We even have a Ro.ku box.  Maybe because I am not that focused on the actual program?  Too many choices?  Maybe I am more a recreational TV watcher?  I do not know, but I am just not into it.
  • Have to get caught up on chores tomorrow.  Well, mostly folding clothes.  Hubby does the laundry, and I fold it.  I now have about three bags of laundry waiting for me to fold.  I also have very few clothes to wear because they are all in the laundry bags.
  • I need to find my smaller sizes.  I know I have them, but I have no clue where I stashed them.  I wore a pair of khakis today which fell off of me.  I guess I could also use this as an excuse to buy some new clothes.  Hooray for getting into smaller sizes!  I guess the WW thing is working for me.  I just wish I could see more of a difference in the scale.
  • That reminds me, I plan on going to the gym tomorrow, too.  I am totally digging running to Flogging Molly.  They are very upbeat and keep me moving at a fast-ish pace.  I really need to make a mix of my celtic punk to run to.  But when do I have the time?
I think that is all that is going on here.  Off to pick up baby toys then drink my medicinal glass of wine and relax before bed.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Reaction to a Reaction.

Touchy-Feely post is postponed to Thursday. This is more on my mind tonight.

AF showed up yesterday.  I started seeing spotting, and I just knew that she would be there in full force by the end of the day.  And I was right.  I figured she would be arriving soon.  It was time.

My mother, on the other hand, was rather disappointed.  She was hoping that my SVT incident indicated that I was pregnant.  She should know better.  I am never pregnant without a team of medical professionals.  Give it up, cause it ain't gonna happen.

Not sure why, but my mother's reaction sort of pissed me off.  I have had a decade of infertility, almost all of it off of birth control.  If it was going to happen on its own, it would have already.  She knows what I have been through to get pregnant.  But she still hopes that it will happen naturally. 

I am not saying it never happens.  There are a lot of couples who conceive naturally after IVF.  One in five couples conceive naturally after IVF.  I suspect most of those couples are younger, and I doubt they had such a long period of infertility.  I just seriously doubt that we will be one of those couples.  I am getting used to that fact, and learning to live with it.

(Though I have to say I feel like my period is stupid as it does not seem to indicate anything to me.  It is mostly an annoyance.  And messy.)

I cannot hope for anything.  It is just too painful.  All I can do it wait until it is right to try again for another child.  And know that that it is not going to happen in the interim.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Heart Trouble

On Tuesday I had another incidence of supraventricular tachycardia (SVT).  I tried getting my heart to slow down by itself, but it would not do so.  I ended up calling an ambulance and completely freaking out my family.  Fairly sure that it was not caused by pregnancy this time, as it is virtually impossible for me to get pregnant without a team of medical professionals.

Yes, I am planning on going to see a cardiologist as soon as I can.  I do not know what they will do for me, though.  My heart usually stays in a normal sinus rhythm, and this is only the second time I have had SVT.  Also, it fixed itself on the way to the hospital.  I do not think they will do anything much unless it happens frequently, and I am symptomatic, and it needs to treated with adenosine every time.  I am willing to be checked for underlying arrhythmias, but those are going to be hard to find unless they happen frequently.  And they probably will not treat it unless it is symptomatic, or SVT happens more often.  Very frustrating.  Not sure what to do.  Just do not think that the docs are going to have any answers on this.

I may try to get back into centering prayer again.  I have sort of missed the practice.   I will try to do it when I can.  It may not happen every day, but I think it does need to happen more often.  I think there is a centering prayer group which meets on a Thursday night, but I want more info before I try to attend.

I also have a lot of appointments to make.  Cardiologist, PCP (to get to a cardiologist), dentist, eye doctor, hairdresser, gyno (for yearly), vet (for dogs checkup and vaccinations), 15 month appt for Little Guy, and a couple more phone calls for random things, just to round things out.  Makes me tired just thinking about it.  I have already made a few of the appointments, but I still have quite a few left to go.  It feels like it will take me a week just to make them all.  Then there is arranging childcare for all of them.  Sigh.  I think I know what I will be doing during nap time this afternoon.

I start swim lessons with the Little Guy tomorrow!  I am very excited about that.  I think it will be good for him and me.  This is the first class we have done together.

Off to the zoo this morning with my mother.  Just as soon as he wakes up from his nap....

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Touchy-Feely Tuesday

Holy crap, last night was really rough.  We were up until about 8 PM.  Then we woke up from 10:30 to 12:30, and cried the entire time.  Would not go to sleep anywhere but on my lap in the rocking chair.  Up again at 2:30 AM, then 3:30 AM.  At least I got to sleep in until 7 Am this morning.  Trying to be grateful for the small things here.

I am crossing my fingers that tonight is a better night.  I really hope he goes down a lot easier.  I do not think I can take another night like that.  I am still waking up at least twice a night to breastfeed.  And he will not take anyone else right now.  Hubby tried to take him last night, but he cried and wailed the entire time.  Mommy is not happy and can use some rest.  Not to mention, my poor breasts are feeling abused.  Baby needs to sleep!

We tried co-sleeping, but he cried the entire time I was laying down with him.  He only wanted me, and it had to be in the rocking chair.  It made for a very frustrating night.

Baby is in daycare today, so I can have a slow morning.  I still have stuff to do, but I am not hampered by the little one.  I will probably go to the gym this morning, with the hope that it will help me stay awake this afternoon, so that I can teach.  I am crossing my fingers that I can get to bed at a reasonable hour tonight, baby willing.  I have an OR day tomorrow, and those can wipe me out.

Was so excited yesterday when I got to scrub in on a couple of lap chole procedures and drive the camera for the surgeon.  I have not scrubbed in for quite a while.  I think I did all right, and the surgeon was wonderfully tolerant of me.  I do not think I bobbled the camera too much.  So excited that I got that opportunity to scrub!  Hooray for using all my skills!

I signed baby and I up for swim lessons.  They start on Saturday morning at 9 AM.  I am looking forward to it.  This is the first class I have signed him up for.  I think he will like it, and I think I will enjoy getting out and doing something with other mommies.  Also, we both like water, so the class should be fun for both of us.

I just downloaded a bunch of celtic punk music for my ipod.  Flogging Molly, The Tossers, The Pogues.  I think they will be good for me to run to, especially today when I am low on energy.

Trying to get back in to recording my food for WW.  Hopefully it will happen, since Hubby is getting back into it, too.

On a slightly unrelated note.  I really need to do a better job of staying hydrated.  Anyone have any advice in preventing the baby from wandering off with my cup of water?  I really like having large cup of water with a straw nearby so that I can drink from it.  Problem is, Little Guy likes to play with the water, with the cup, and with the straw.  Substitutions do not work.  He knows the sippy cup is not mommy's cup. 

Saturday, March 12, 2011


I am really going to miss the morning nap when it goes.  It is sort of on the way out, as there are some days when he does not need it at all.  Just when I am getting used to it, it changes.  Sigh.

He is napping now, and I am grateful!  He will do so much better today with a nap, as he is not likely to get his afternoon nap before 2 PM this afternoon.  We are going to see the local St Paddy's day parade this morning, and my cleaning person comes today.  Hopefully that will help him go down well this afternoon.  I am debating a trip to the pool this afternoon.  I  may try to run while I am at the gym.  We will see what happens.

I suspect the time change will wreak havoc on his sleep schedule.  It does not help that he is in the middle of a mental leap, which is also messing with his sleep schedule.  Sigh.  I just cannot win for trying.  I hope things smooth out after a week or two.

Thanks for your comments on my last post.  I usually feel better if I get out and run.  I am better able to roll with things, and I think my sleep is better.  I may consider the Drumstick Dash this Thanksgiving. I think some of my co-workers do it, too.  We will see where I am at by the end of the year.  I hope that I can be consistent enough that I can do it.  Hopefully running on a regular basis will get my confidence up enough to try a race.  We will see.  I think I try to be perfect, and that is not something I need in this area.

Wishing everyone a great weekend!

Thursday, March 10, 2011


At the moment, I am running from grading.  I need to do midterm grades, but I would rather do this.  So I am running from grading at the moment to do this blog post.

I have a habit that is actually good for me.  I run a little.  More of a jog, really, as I am very slow.  I am not signed up for a race.  I am not doing couch to 5K.  I do not even consider myself a "runner."  I do not run every day, but I do try to run as often as I can

I run at the gym around the track.  I do walking and running intervals, and try to maintain good form.  I am more about avoiding injuries and fitness than competing in a race, and try to use chirunning form as much as possible.  (I think I have seen too many knee scopes and orthopedic procedures on runners, so form and injury avoidance is most important for me.)

I run when I can.  Not every day, and I try to get at least one day in between to allow my knees to rest.  Though I have run two days in a row and not had any problems.  I also stretch at the end of each session, which helps, too.

Running is a workout I can do relatively quickly.  It is not dependent on a time, like a class.  I go to the gym when I can.  The baby gets to play in the childcare area, which he loves.  They have a slide and a playhouse, and lots of toys and other kids for him to play with.  Mommy gets some time to herself, and she gets out of the house.

I want to run more regularly.  Someday it would be nice to try to train for a race.  I may consider a race when I am able to actually run more regularly and longer.  At this point, I am just trying to run consistently.  That is all I can do right now.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Touchy-Feely Tuesday, on a Wednesday

Yesterday was just weird, so I did not get a chance to post anything.

Still sort of sick, though feeling more human today, for some reason.  Hopefully this means that I will actually feel better by the weekend.  Here is hoping, anyway.

Figured out that baby was not sleeping because of teething.  Finally broke out the ora.gel, and increased the frequency of ibuprofen.  That finally got us a night of decent sleep.  Too bad I had to wake up at 5 AM this morning to go to work.  It still felt good to sleep with only one wake up.

Went to the orthopod yesterday to get Hubby's knee looked at.  No answers, unfortunately.  Knee looks good, and there is nothing obvious.  That got him really down, so he needed a lot of attention last night.  Not much time for much else.

We are enjoying playing with roku.  Hubby likes having all the shows available on Netflicks.  And having it on our TV is really nice.  Though it leaves less time for blogging and reading blogs.  Both activities are important to me.  Maybe I should talk about this with the Hubby.  I think a limit of one Roku show per night would be good.

The community college is on spring break this week.  Very strange not having anywhere to go the next couple of days.  But nice.

I have not been doing well with WW.  Have been horrible at recording my food.  I meant to today, and just never did.  Unfortunately, this also means that I have been gaining weight.  Sigh.  Really need to record food and get with the program.

Off to bed.  Hoping for another good night of sleep!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

No time for this anymore.

Dear Mr. Cold Virus,

We have been together a little over a week now, and there seems to be no signs of you leaving.  I still have a runny nose, fatigue, and some achiness.  I truly feel like I am going to have this cold forever.  And I am sure you enjoyed the visit from AF this past week, too.  You two seemed to get along well, and enjoyed making me feel miserable for the past week.

I know you were excited to be with me when I got you within a few days of getting over GI Bug.  The GI bug was slightly more romantic, as we were together over Valentine's day.  In fact, it took me a week to fully get over him.  I felt normal for a few days, and then you show up.

I really tried to take it easy with you.  I moved slow all week, and tried to be as lazy as I could.  I even took off a day of work and sent baby to daycare so that we could be together.  Just the two of us.  This came on the heels of me taking off two days of work for GI Bug.

I will admit that it is difficult as you spread your attention everywhere.  The baby is spending time with you as well.  I suspect that is part of the reason you are sticking around so long.  We need to get up once or twice a night to tend to the baby, so I am rather sleep deprived at the moment.  And now you want to spend time with Hubby, too.

And I am fine with that.  But in order for you to spend quality time with Hubby, I need you to move on from me and the baby.  You see, man colds need a lot of TLC.  I think you will like that, and you will like it much better if I am more in a mood to give you the attention you deserve.

So consider this your eviction notice from me.  I do not have time for you any more.  I gave you a little over one week, and your time is now up.  It is time to move on to greener pastures. 

VA Blondie

Saturday, March 5, 2011

I want to be like this when I grow up!

Today I went to the Marginal Arts festival downtown with Little Guy and my parents.  We saw all sorts of unusual things.  Huge puppets, people in strange costumes, a piano being destroyed, a star made out of ladders, a giant rat.  He got to walk across bubble wrap and pop the bubbles.

He also got to see a few guys doing printing on the street.  You could get a shirt made of anything they had available.  They would print it right there for you to take home.

When I saw her, I knew I had to have her. 

I love octopi, and I am a bit of a water baby anyway.  So this was right up my alley.  Did you know that octopi are one of the smartest cephalopods?  How cool is that?

I think I want to be more like my octopus girl.  Everyone needs a goal, right?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

A no good, very bad week.

And it is only Wednesday.

Both the baby and I have the cold from hell.  It was bad enough that I called in to work on today (Wednesday), and took the baby to the doctor in the afternoon.  The ped basically told me that he just has a really bad cold, and there is not much I can do.  (Other than what I am already doing.)  So we know I am already suffering from sleep deprivation.

On top of that, I got my period on Tuesday.  Yes, AF decided she had to show up, too.  Apparently she did not want to miss out on all the good times.

I received a text from Hubby while at the pediatrician's office.  Good friends of ours are expecting again.

We had just talked with this couple over New Year's weekend, and they said they were thinking about trying to conceive.  That did not take long.

That was just the icing on the cake for me.  I feel like I am surrounded by pregnant women and pregnancy announcements.  Having my period right now does not help matters.

So now I feel like crap from lack of sleep and a cold from hell.  On top of that is jealousy and a sense of loss for something I will never have.

After a decade of infertility, male and female factor diagnoses, I am fairly sure that I am not going to conceive naturally.  There is no link for us between sex and procreation.  On one hand that is freeing.  It does not matter what we do or when we do it.  We can have fun.  (Or as much fun as one can have with a toddler in the house.)  On the other, it is sort of sad.  I will never need to temp again.  There is no need to figure out when I ovulate.  There is no point to the 2ww, as conception in the bedroom is not possible.  No point to trying any of that.  I know that we will not be the 1 couple in 5 who conceive after IVF. 

(Though if a miracle occurs, I will not complain!)

All of this makes my uterus feel a little empty at times.  It still feels like a rejection when my period shows up.  I feel jealous of women who get pregnant very easily.  I will never have that, and that makes me a little sad.  I feel a sense of loss for something that I will never experience.  I probably need to acknowledge that loss and work through it.

I know I am not ready to get back on the roller coaster, yet.  But I want to do it again at some point.  I really want a sibling for our Little Guy.  Right now, FET sort of freaks me out.  Little Guy is not weaned, anyway.  So it is not possible now, in any case.

I just want this week to be over.  Hopefully I will make it through.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Touchy-Feely Tuesday

Feel like crap.  Baby gave me his cold, so I cannot breathe.  Afrin is my friend right now.  Problem is, it stops working after about 8 hours.  Trying to wait until I go to bed to take another dose.

Just to make it even more fun, AF decided to show up today.  I suspect I will be dead by the end of the week.

Even though I was sick, I went to the gym, anyway.  I think it did help me get through the day, but I am wiped out now.

Only gained a pound this week.  I will take it, and put it down to having my period.  I also did not record food today.  I only had the energy to teach and watch the baby.

At this point, I feel like I am just surviving.  Hopefully I will feel better later in the week.

Off to fix lunches and then bed.  Praying baby does not wake up a lot tonight.