Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Reaction to a Reaction.

Touchy-Feely post is postponed to Thursday. This is more on my mind tonight.

AF showed up yesterday.  I started seeing spotting, and I just knew that she would be there in full force by the end of the day.  And I was right.  I figured she would be arriving soon.  It was time.

My mother, on the other hand, was rather disappointed.  She was hoping that my SVT incident indicated that I was pregnant.  She should know better.  I am never pregnant without a team of medical professionals.  Give it up, cause it ain't gonna happen.

Not sure why, but my mother's reaction sort of pissed me off.  I have had a decade of infertility, almost all of it off of birth control.  If it was going to happen on its own, it would have already.  She knows what I have been through to get pregnant.  But she still hopes that it will happen naturally. 

I am not saying it never happens.  There are a lot of couples who conceive naturally after IVF.  One in five couples conceive naturally after IVF.  I suspect most of those couples are younger, and I doubt they had such a long period of infertility.  I just seriously doubt that we will be one of those couples.  I am getting used to that fact, and learning to live with it.

(Though I have to say I feel like my period is stupid as it does not seem to indicate anything to me.  It is mostly an annoyance.  And messy.)

I cannot hope for anything.  It is just too painful.  All I can do it wait until it is right to try again for another child.  And know that that it is not going to happen in the interim.


Jackie said...

My heart goes out to you so much. I feel like I could have written this post!

Took me 7 IVFs, all fresh, to have my baby (plus everything before that, IUIs etc). When I was TTC I thought the ones with secondary IF couldn't possibly hurt as much as those of us TTC #1. And it doesn't hurt AS much...but it hurts more than I thought it would.

I'm rambling here a bit but wanted to read a comment and just tell you how much I understand what you wrote.


~Jess said...

I agree that AF is a nuisance. Sorry about your mom would be the same way, if I actually discussed any of it with her.