Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Reaction to a Reaction.

Touchy-Feely post is postponed to Thursday. This is more on my mind tonight.

AF showed up yesterday.  I started seeing spotting, and I just knew that she would be there in full force by the end of the day.  And I was right.  I figured she would be arriving soon.  It was time.

My mother, on the other hand, was rather disappointed.  She was hoping that my SVT incident indicated that I was pregnant.  She should know better.  I am never pregnant without a team of medical professionals.  Give it up, cause it ain't gonna happen.

Not sure why, but my mother's reaction sort of pissed me off.  I have had a decade of infertility, almost all of it off of birth control.  If it was going to happen on its own, it would have already.  She knows what I have been through to get pregnant.  But she still hopes that it will happen naturally. 

I am not saying it never happens.  There are a lot of couples who conceive naturally after IVF.  One in five couples conceive naturally after IVF.  I suspect most of those couples are younger, and I doubt they had such a long period of infertility.  I just seriously doubt that we will be one of those couples.  I am getting used to that fact, and learning to live with it.

(Though I have to say I feel like my period is stupid as it does not seem to indicate anything to me.  It is mostly an annoyance.  And messy.)

I cannot hope for anything.  It is just too painful.  All I can do it wait until it is right to try again for another child.  And know that that it is not going to happen in the interim.

2 comments:

Jackie said...

My heart goes out to you so much. I feel like I could have written this post!

Took me 7 IVFs, all fresh, to have my baby (plus everything before that, IUIs etc). When I was TTC I thought the ones with secondary IF couldn't possibly hurt as much as those of us TTC #1. And it doesn't hurt AS much...but it hurts more than I thought it would.

I'm rambling here a bit but wanted to read a comment and just tell you how much I understand what you wrote.

xoxo
Jackie

~Jess said...

I agree that AF is a nuisance. Sorry about your mom....my mom would be the same way, if I actually discussed any of it with her.