Thursday, September 30, 2010

I made it through the day.

Though I am not sure my sanity is intact.  My typing skills suck, too, as I have to keep going back and deleting to get words spelled correctly.

I did mange to get off work early today.  So I went by the store and then came home and worked on class prep.  Now the kitchen is still a mess and I have to pick up the baby soon.

I was heartbroken when I looked in the fridge when I got home and found two thawed bags of milk in the fridge.  By the time we are able to use them, they will probably not be good anymore.  It just made me sad.  My supply is dropping and day care can use all the milk I can give them.  It did not help that I could only pump 11 ounces today.  The least amount I have been able to pump yet.  I think it is because I am tired and stressed.

I did manage to get an email to my supervisor letting her know that I had another position.  I hope it was understandable.  My thought processes are poor today.  I just want to know that she received it.  I may not get a response to it until next week.  If at all.

I think we are going to try to put baby down before he is fully asleep tonight.  Apparently he slept two hours this morning.  He really has not been sleeping well.  His teeth are bothering him and I do not think we are helping by trying to put him down after he is already asleep.  Hopefully I will sleep better tonight, too.  I need the sleep!

Oh, Insomnia!

I has it.  I cannot sleep.  I have not been able to get to sleep since I got the baby down at 1:30 AM.  My mind has just been working overtime.  I have been lying in bed thinking about stuff.  My brain will not shut down.

I cannot believe I got Little Dude to sleep in the crib!  He really sleeps so much better by himself, so it is wonderful that I could put him down.  Only a small amount of crying before he went to sleep.  We may have to start  doing that in the evenings, too.  It just works really well.

I am nervous about giving notice at my current position.  Not sure why.  I am flex, anyway, so I only work when I am able.  Which is really nice.  If I make it into work tomorrow (as it is now 3AM, and I am still awake) I will email one of my supervisors and let her know, at least informally.  It would be nice to firm up a date I will leave.

The new job has benefits!  I cannot believe it.  I feel like it is too good to be true, and something, somewhere, will cause me to be ineligible for them.  I hope that it is right, and I can still get benefits working my schedule.

I think that my current job forgot to put me on the schedule one of the days I am able to work.  I may see if I can work it, because I could probably use the money.  My vacation is coming up!

I hope my orientation for the new job will work with my schedule.  I can really only do it Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Keeping fingers crossed with that one.

I am worried about getting enough time for class prep.  I need to work on it this weekend, and I need several hours of time.  I have not been able to get much done lately, as I have had a lot of grading to do.  I think I am all right so far, but I need to work to stay ahead.  It would be nice to finish the next chapter, prep for lab, and put together the next test.  At the very least, put together the next chapter's notes and prep for lab.  That may be do-able.  Hopefully.

That is all I can think of that is going through my mind right now.  I think there is other stuff.  Hopefully by getting all of this out there, I can get a little rest.  At least it is somewhere for me to look at later, should I feel so inclined. 

I am off to take some ibuprofen and hopefully get some sleep!  I need sleep!

Saturday, September 25, 2010


Little Dude finally had a couple of decent naps today.  In the crib, no less!  I finally tried putting Little Dude down to nap and letting him cry a little.  I know some of you are thinking, "what took me so long?"  He just seemed so young before.  He seems a little more able to deal with it now.  He seems older, and is processing things differently than he was a month or two ago.

I gave myself a set time limit as to how long I would let it go.  The first time, he cried about 20 minutes.  I was about ready to go in there and get him when he quieted.  The next time, it only took about 10 minutes for him to quiet.  It does seem to get better every time.  He napped for about an hour this morning, and then for an hour and a half around midday.  He really wanted to sleep around three, but that was when my parents watched him for a few hours.  He did sleep for a bit on the way over there, and then feel asleep in the car on the way home. 

I think the best revelation for me is that I get to put him down and do other things while he sleeps.  Today was mostly doing chores, but I could do some class planning or grading or anything.  How exciting!  I really hope he continues to nap.  I could really get used to it.  It made the day so much better!

Friday, September 24, 2010

Finally feeling somewhat human again!

It feels like a long time since I felt human enough to, well do much of anything.  Finally started taking some allergy med, and it seems to help me feel a little better.  We are also over the hump with the baby's diarrhea.  What a mess and headache that was.  Little Dude is doing much better now, though.  Eating, drinking, and poop is returning to normal.  Thank goodness! 

The week was not too bad.  I called in to work on Tuesday because I was up all night with the baby.  I could barely function, so it was probably not a good idea to go to work in the OR the next day.  I called in about quarter to 3 AM, so I suspect they knew I was up all night with the baby.

Wednesday was my interview with the ambulatory surgery center.  I have no clue how it went.  I just hate reading into these things.  It went all right.  They seemed nice, and I liked the surgery center.  We will see what happens next week.  Just not sure if I got it, and I am not desperate for it anyway.  It was a part time position, and it sounded more like where I want to be right now.  I will miss the people I work with now, should I leave my current position.  I actually do not mind my current job, now that I work flex.  Though the days get crazy on a regular basis, and it is rare that the day goes as planned.  Should I get the job at the surgery center, most likely days will go as scheduled.  That would be a nice change of pace.  I guess my outlook on the situation is ""Que sera, sera!"  I will just take it as it comes.

Baby never lets feeling bad slow him down too much, so we are still chasing him all over the house.  He recently discovered stairs, so we constantly have to be on the lookout for him heading to the stairs.  He also likes to play with doors, so we have to be on the lookout for pinched fingers.  He generally likes to manipulate his environment.  Some things we just cannot let him play with, such as cords and wires, but we let him pay with a lot of stuff he comes across.  He enjoys pushing chairs and boxes.  He also has a couple of push toys which he enjoys playing with.  It is so cute to see him stand up on the push toys and walk down the hall.  (Steering is still an issue, but I have faith that he will figure it out.)  He is so proud of himself.  He can really crawl now, and can be across the house in a matter of seconds, so we have to be on our toes.

I actually tried putting him down for a nap and letting him cry a little.  Lo and behold, it worked.  Of course, now that I have posted this he will never go down like that again.  But it is exactly how everyone else puts him down, with some fussing because it was different than what mommy usually does.  I am sure he will get used to it.  He is pretty smart.

I think that is about it.  I have grading and planning to do this weekend, and I am planning some quality time with the hubby.  Other than that, it is our usual weekend stuff. 

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Mixed blessings.

Today my son gets baptized.  That is pretty special, and worthy of a celebration.  It is good to celebrate life.

But we are missing a lot of people who were unable to get here, for one reason or another.  Hubby's mother and my grandmother were not able to make the trip across the state.  My aunt could not make it because of other commitments.  Little Dude's godfather will also be unable to make it, as a family member is in the hospital.  I am sad that all these people will not be there.  I wish we could have had a larger gathering of family and friends to celebrate, but it was not to be.

On the bright side, I am not at my best today, so a low key gathering may be better for everyone.  I am still sick.  I slept poorly.  I was unable to get more than two hours sleep at a time.  (And I suspect the crappy sleep is helping this damn cold to linger.)  Baby is feeling the effects of the antibiotic and the current mental leap.  So the smaller gathering has its advantages.  I can relax a little and I will probably enjoy the day a little more.

Today I am going to celebrate life and its blessings, and hold family and friends in the light. 
It will be a good day.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Drive by blogging.

Because of all the bullets...

  • I am exhausted.  It has been a busy week.  The first time I have gotten to catch my breath was today while the baby slept at my parents apartment.  And because of my crappy nap skills, I could not sleep.  But at least I could lie down for a while.  Which helped, sort of.
  • I am hoping this weekend I can at least catch up on rest a little bit.  I also hope to catch up on some class prep, which I was unable to do at all this week.
  • Also did not get to the gym this week.  My free time was spent being sick and taking sick child to the doctor.  Unfortunately, I am still sick, and it feels like it has moved in for good.  I am so sick of being sick.
  • Little Dude gets baptized this weekend.  Issues I have with this are
    • the two people we really wanted to have at the baptism will not be able to make it.  My grandmother cannot get down here because my aunt and her husband are not able to make it.  My MIL is unable to travel, and will also not be able it make it.
    • The fact that MIL says she cannot make it annoys me because I see her on FB posting about what she is doing.  She still goes shopping and riding around her area, so I do not see why she cannot get here.  But I guess it is her choice, and she has to live with it.  I really feel like if she really wanted to be here, she would get here, no matter what.
    • I still have nothing to wear for the baptism ceremony.  Which means I have to go shopping.  And that is not as much fun when you are sick.
  • After the baptism, I think we are going to the Greek festival for lunch.  Yum!
  • Finally got paid today.  Hooray!
  • Really hoping for a slowish morning tomorrow, and decent sleep tonight.  We will see what happens.  I could really use both.
  • Very excited about my interview with the ambulatory surgery center next week.  Maybe I should buy something which I can also wear to the interview.
  • Parents are going to C'ville tomorrow, and are unable to watch Little Dude for us for a decent afternoon together.  Sigh.  I was sort of hoping for that this weekend.  Hopefully next weekend.
  • I think that is all I have time and brain power for right now.  Hopefully our pizza will be here soon and we can have dinner!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Cute baby pics.

Who does not like a few cute baby pictures?  They are hard to resist, right?

We have started letting him outside to crawl around.  He actually likes to climb the steps.  

We discovered Little Dude loves being outside.  The weather has been great, so we have been taking him outside on a regular basis.  Hubby likes taking him in the front yard, as seen above.  (Though that is actually me in the background.)  I prefer sitting with Little Dude on the deck, where he likes to push the furniture around.

I like the deck because it is enclosed, and he can crawl pretty much anywhere he wants without me worrying about him.  Works for me.

Little Dude has been a busy boy lately, as we are starting to learn to walk. 
We are standing on mommy, trying to climb the steps, and pushing things around.

This is a relatively new skill, and he just loves it!  He is able to stand up behind the car all by himself!  Though he needs a "running" start.  He will start pushing it with his knees, and eventually make it up on his feet.  It is really cute to watch.

He is also not one to let an ear infection or cold slow him down.  He has decided he really enjoys spending time in the bathroom.  He likes standing on the toilet, standing on the vanity, standing on the tub, and basically playing with anything he can get his hands on.  Like this....

I just figure it could not hurt, as it dissolves really easily anyway.  I think of it like extra fiber.  And fiber is good for him, right?

And then there is a request from my husband.  I made this Beef and guinn.ess and cheese pie last week, and Hubby was so excited about it he took a picture of it.  I have to admit it looked and tasted good.
I used this recipe, which I first saw on a Jamie Oliver cooking show.  It was too good not to try, I thought.  I liked it because it used store bought puff pastry.  I did some things differently from the recipe.  I used a slow cooker to cook the stew, but I used more liquid than I needed to.  Next time I fix this, I think I am just going to put the guinn.ess in the slow cooker and leave off the beef broth.  My pie turned out a little soupy.  But it did taste good!

And yes, it tasted about as good as it looked!

Ah, the life of a mother.

Yet another night where I am up in the middle of the night.  And today was really, really busy!  Or I guess I should say yesterday was busy, as it is now 1 AM

I took Little Dude to the doc in the morning.  He was awake last night, too.  We suspected ear infection.  We have seen it enough to know, I guess.  Sure enough, he had an ear infection in both ears.  Unfortunately, the antibiotic takes a couple days to make everything feel better, and that is why I am up again tonight.  Damn it.

After I took the baby to the doctor, I dropped the dog at the vet for some blood work.  Then I headed to my parent's apartment for lunch.  I left the baby with my mom while I taught and then ran errands,  I went by the vet to pick up the dog, the bank, and the pharmacy to pick up Little Dude's medicine.

Are you tired, yet?  Cause I am not done...

Once home, I cleaned the kitchen, and managed to pump for a few minutes before Mom brought the Little Dude to me.  I then prepared lunches for Hubby and I for Thursday, and collected all my pump stuff so it would be ready to go.  I also gave Little Dude a snack and gave him the first dose of the antibiotic.

I think the highlight of the whole day was a phone call.  I got an interview for a part time position at an outpatient surgery center.  I am excited about the possibility, though unsure how it will work out.  All I can do is just see what happens.  If it is meant to be, it will work out.  If not, I am not out anything as I have a job.

But right now I am exhausted, and really just want baby to go ahead and go to sleep!  So I can sleep!

Monday, September 13, 2010


Motherhood seems to be about managing to make it.  I feel bad because I have not done anything really profound or introspective on here in a while, but that may be because I do not have any deep thoughts lately.  Lately things have been more about just making things work.  It has been that way for a while.  Just when you think you have something down, something else changes, and the whole balance if your life is disrupted.  Now that I have started classes, and things seem to be settling into a routine, my childcare arrangement changes, then baby and I get a cold.  It does not even have to be anything big.  I have learned that just missing a night of sleep has a profound effect on everything. 

And then there is the issue of time.  I may not be in a place where I want to be very introspective right now.  Right now my baby is changing so fast, I may miss it if look away.  I want to spend time with my Little Dude.  I love how he changes, and watching his abilities and personality develop.  I do sort of miss my quiet meditative times, but I have faith that they will return when it is time.  For me writing takes time and a little effort, and I just do not have a lot of that to spare right now.

"Do without doing" is all about not forcing things, and letting things happen as they will.  It is about living in the moment, and enjoying today.  Enjoying watching my baby move furniture around my deck, or watching Hubby and Little Dude play together.  And I think that is just right for today.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Messing around.

I think it was time for a change.  I am into sky blues recently, paired with greens. 

Also, I thought I would mess around with Twitter.  I have just put my toe in that pool, though.  Still not sure how I feel about it. 

Still sick, too.  So not fun...

Friday, September 10, 2010

I survived the week...Bullet edition

  • I did manage to survive the week.  Teaching was not bad, but OR was tough this week.  New surgeons, crappy cases, sick patients, and very little of it within my actual chosen specialty.  It just gets rough on a person when you wonder what good you are doing, and management makes it difficult to do your job in the first place.
  • I suspect I am getting another cold.  I think between the baby and the hospital, my immune system is going to be kick-ass after this year.  
  • I really hope this current cold does not give Little Dude another ear infection.
  • My mother is doing great looking after Little Dude when I am teaching.  I think it is all going to work out.  Bonus:  I can go over there early, and she can entertain him while I do planning.  Another bonus:  It will hopefully help keep my milk supply up because she encourages us to breastfeed, and will hold off on giving bottles.  
  • Finally saw a dermatologist about my keloids, and hopefully we will have a plan of care within the next few weeks.
  • I cooked a Guinness, beef, and cheese pot pie this week.  I have not seen Hubby that excited in quite a while.  He even took a picture of it because he thought it was so great.  When I get a chance to catch my breath (or next time I upload pictures) I will try to post it.  It did look beautiful, and even tasted good!  it was a recipe shown on a Jamie Ol.iver cooking show.  It looked too good not to try.
  • I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Still here, just busy!

This week flew by!  I am really grateful for the three day weekend.  I am looking forward to a day off, though I will probably spend part of it doing class prep or grading.  That seems to be how I spend much of my free time lately.  It should not be so bad next year, but it is really time consuming this year. 

The good news is that my parents are back in town, so we have someone to watch him on a regular basis.  Hubby and I are looking forward to some quality time together this weekend.  It has been quite a while!

Little Dude is still going strong.  Really cruising now, though.  He can make it all the way around our coffee table and along the couch while cruising.  He does not have the balance yet to let go, but he is getting there, and I know he is thinking about it.  We should be hitting the next wonder week in the next few days, so it all is likely to go to hell in a hand basket soon!  Everything seems to be a moving target that first year.  It is enough to make your head spin.

Hubby and I have re-evaluated our sleeping arrangements.  He has been sleeping in a separate bed because I have been co-sleeping with the baby.  That seems to be the only way Little Dude will sleep some nights.  But lately both of us have been grumpy and short with each other.  It became clear that part of the reason we were not getting along is that we missed each other!  I know I have missed the connection we get while sleeping together.  So we finally got back together last night!  Much better!  I think everyone is happier because we have some sense of connection back.  I do not think Hubby will sleep with me every night, but some nights together are better than no nights together.  We also try to spend some time together after the baby is asleep.  I missed just being with Hubby.  That is harder to do when baby is sucking all your time and energy.

There have been several posts recently about perfection and motherhood.  Some of these hit home as I have some high expectations of myself which I am not able to meet.  I need to chill out and let things be.  Not force things, and try to do without doing.  I seem to be doing all right as a mother.  Little Dude seems happy and healthy.  Hubby seems to think I am doing all right as a wife.  I need to remember that we all have bad days, and there will be times when I let people down.  It happens to all of us.  It will be all right.  No one has died.  No one is hurt, aside from my pride.  Someone tell me to take a chilly pill and let it go!  Life goes on...

I hope everyone has a great Labor Day weekend!