Sunday, February 8, 2009

Dark night of the soul.

Just feeling really down and out lately. I am trying to hold it together but it is getting hard to do. I guess I have reason to be down and out. Between the IF stuff and my grandfather dying and my family going crazy, I have a lot to deal with.

My grandparents have been in my thoughts lately. Apparently the oncologist gave my grandfather 3-6 months to live. Needless to say, this has shaken my entire family. My mother is the only person I feel comfortable calling for updates. My aunt and grandmother are not dealing very well with the situation. From what my mother tells me, neither one of them are very coherent. My grandfather is still in the hospital. It would be nice if my family could get hospice involved before he is discharged. But I do not know if they are in any state to do that. All I can do is pray for them.

I guess I am doing some mourning, as well. It is difficult to imagine family gatherings without my grandfather. He loved acting the patriarch, and my grandmother loved letting him be a patriarch. He lived a long and full life. I feel like he deserves to leave this life with some dignity. I hope my grandmother and my aunt will be able to see this, too. (And soon, I hope!)

The IF stuff is just there. I will likely get my period Friday the 13th. (How appropriate!) Then we wait until March 2 to see the Richmond RE. I am PMS-y, but other than that, nothing really out of the ordinary. Even the dark mood I am in could be partially caused by my PMS.

We are traveling to my parents next weekend. Hubby has a CLE in Charlottesville, and I think it will do us both good to get out of town. I do not think we will stay the entire weekend, but we will get two nights there, and I get to spend Friday with my mother. I think that should be good for me. We may end up heading back on Saturday to have some quiet time to ourselves over the Valentine's weekend.


'Murgdan' said...

I'm so sorry about your grandfather...and I'm sorry about the dark mood as well. I hope you get to feeling better soon...but it's ok to feel dark every once in awhile.


Soxy Deb said...

I tsounds like you do have just a ton of things swirling around you and bringing you down.
Sorry for all of it.
Is there anyway you can try to move along the Hospice? Maybe get the ball rolling or anything? That might make you feel a little better as well becuase you'll feel like your doing something. And in these situations that your living right now, you have little to no control over any of them. So see if there is anyway for you to help with the Hospice. Maybe, just a thought.

Ann said...

Sorry life isn't treating you in a kind way at the moment. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*