Monday, August 24, 2009

LIfe and Death

I finally have my computer back. And I have a working m key and punctuation. Actually, an entire new keyboard on my laptop. It is a beautiful thing. Hubby and I are much more comfortable as a two computer family. I can blog and Hubby can surf his own internets. We are much happier, and I will hopefully be more productive on my blog. We will see. I have a lot of 10 hour shifts the rest of this block, and they wear me out.

My 20 week anatomy ultrasound was this morning. I seem to have a healthy baby. And it is a boy! Clear as day. We got a great shot from the rear end, and the boy parts were clear as day. Will post pics later this week. (Likely on the weekend, so just be patient.) Hubby took the afternoon off because he knew he would not be able to concentrate. He is excited about having a boy. Well, I think he is excited to have a healthy baby, but he was just bursting to tell everyone the news. My family is all excited. This is my parent's first grandchild. My dad is really excited about the boy. I have no male siblings, so my dad will likely want to do all the boy things he missed out on. I think MIL was hoping for a girl. She already has several grandsons. She is still happy for us, though. She gets another grandchild.

I finally talked to my grandmother today, too. She is happy for us, but she is busy caring for my grandfather as he dies. She is very excited about the baby. I think she uses as a distraction. My grandfather has been very sick. In pain, and vomiting constantly. It does not look good. I heard from my mother that she finally is looking into hospice. I think this may actually be true. Apparently, they are going home tomorrow. She mentioned converting an alcove in their bedroom to make space for a hospital bed. I hope this means that my grandfather will be able to die at home.

Talking to my grandmother today made me think about how cyclical life is. I am not sure how I want to say this. I am losing my grandfather, but we are gaining the next generation of the family. A loss and a gain. Happening at the same time. Maybe they will cancel each other out a little, but there will still be grieving for the loss of a family member. And there will also be happiness about the new life. My family may feel pulled in two different directions as they mourn the loss of my grandfather, and welcome a new life. Definitely a bittersweet feeling. I may blog more on this as my thoughts come together.

7 comments:

Deb said...

There is something to be said about the circle of life. The promise and celebration of a life to come and the rememberence and loss of a life lived. No doubt there will be many mixed emotions. My father died eleven years ago and I hate that he was not with me on my wedding day or that he never got to meet his grandchild, but I realize that he is with me always and because he was my father, he will play a huge role in my daughter's life thru me.

kate said...

My mother used to talk about that concept a lot-- she lost her father shortly after I was born, and she lost her mother shortly after my brother was born. My grandfather was a mean old drunk known to be verbally abusive to the extreme, while my grandmother was the most important person to me in my young life, the only adult that I fully trusted. And when I was about 10, and I fully understood the concept of what my mother was always pointing out (the connection with timing of the death of her parents with the birth of her children), I felt terrible. My brother, my bratty, attention-hog of a brother, was supposed to replace my beloved grandmother? And I was supposed to replace an abusive alcoholic? Well, that was really confusing to me. Sigh.
But enough about the roots of my neuroses.

Congrats on having a healthy boy! That is wonderful!

And YES. Being a two-computer family can certainly reduce the stress at times! The desktop is primarily mine, but since H doesn't really know how to make his home laptop work, and can't figure out how to get the work laptop connected when he's at home, he uses this one, too. Sigh. So YAY for getting your computer back!

~Jess said...

I agree that it is sad to be welcoming one life and preparing for the departure of another. If there's one thing I've learned about life it's that it is often bittersweet.

I'm glad you got your computer back...we're quite content as a 2 computer house.

Megs said...

Yay!! Congrats on finding out you are having a healthy baby boy!! Only 4 more weeks until we know!! I am sooo excited about that :)

Sorry to hear your grandpa is still not doing well. However, it will be nice that he will get to be in the comfort of his own home. Both of my grandpas had that and I feel like they were much happier. Will be thinking about you in these tough times.

Lorza said...

I am sorry about your grandfather- that is a really bittersweet time. Twenty weeks! WOW that is crazy it is so far along. YEAH!!!

Queenie. . . said...

Congratulations on learning that it's a boy! That's very exciting.

It's so hard to lose people. My thoughts are with you and your family. Hopefully, if you do have to lose your grandfather, the birth of a new baby boy will ease the pain of loss for everyone, and help everyone begin a new chapter in a happy and peaceful way.

Bobi said...

I just discovered your blog and I am going back and reading these older posts. I do have a question, were you scared?
My Grandfather is dying and he is closer to me than my father ever was. I am currently in the 2ww. So, while I hope, as always to be pregnant, I know that within 3 weeks I will probably suffer more than I ever have.
And while I hope that I would be distracted by my pregnancy I would still be able to mourn. Plus it would be nice to tell my Grandfather that he was going to have a great grandchild before he leaves us.
So, back to my question, were you afraid of what the stress of losing your grandfather would do to your baby?
I guess im just worried that if my 2ww ends in a BFP i will be so upset and so stressed and depressed that I will miscarry.