Sunday, August 30, 2009

Thoughts on my weekend.

My grandfather's death hit my family really hard. I wrote this one morning while at my grandmother's house.

Ah, what grief can do to people.

My grandmother is lost without my grandfather, but she is hanging on. She will break down and cry, but only when she is with family. She is keeping up with responsibilities. She is also making sure that everyone is dressed appropriately for the funeral and memorial service. I think she will get through this, though it is hard for her to see that right now.

My aunt is running herself into the ground getting the memorial service together. Most of the family suspects she is headed toward pneumonia, but you cannot tell her that without her getting upset. Not only is she grieving, but she is also on high does of prednisone. Can we say immune system compromise? She says has too much to do to stop, though. I suspect she will collapse at some point this week. Hopefully she will not be too sick to make the memorial service she worked so hard to put together.

My mother is actually doing fairly well. She was here for the death. She thought it was a wonderful death. It was healing for her in some ways. My mother is mainly here to sit with Grandmother, and do some hand holding. Obviously, my aunt is not great at that, and my grandmother could use some hand holding right now. I think it is a good thing that my mother is here. Her problem is that she cannot see. She has cataracts and retinal issues with both eyes, and decided to put off the surgeries until after the memorial service. My mother always said that whatever is going on with your body is going on with you. I think there is something to that. Not sure what in this case…

Yeah, my family is quite the group in stressful situations.


Since I wrote that, my aunt spoke with a friend of the family who was involved with hospice for a while, and understands gried. Hopefully it will encourage her to take care of herself. Both my mother and myself encouraged my grandmother to be gentle with herself. We encouraged her to spend as much time in her pajamas as possible. I hope that she does. I think she needs time to process her grief.

We never did find a dress for me to wear to the funeral I think my grandmother wants us in all black. Apparently, back dresses for bigger girls are hard to find. (And apparently bigger pregnant girls in NoVa do not need maternity clothes, or bigger girls in NoVa just do not get pregnant. I do not know, but I was damn frustrated.) We did find a black skirt that everyone liked. I managed to find a black shirt I could wear with it (once I got home). My grandmother sort of wanted me to have something long sleeved, so it would be more formal. I am thinking more comfort. It is likely going to be warm next weekend, and I am pregnant. I am warm-natured right now. I am not going to want to wear a jacket or a sweater when it is hot. Just not gonna happen. Deal with it.

My mother and father are at Smith.mountain.lake for a few days. My mom wanted to get out of her normal environment and get back to nature. Hopefully this will help. They are staying in a cabin at the state park. Apparently, the cabins are really nice. They seem to be enjoying themselves, at any rate.

Unfortunately, I am back to work tomorrow. I wish I did not have to go, but I really ought to. I have a vacation coming up I need to save PTO for. There is also this baby coming. I really ought to save PTO for some leave time. Still wish I did not have to go back to work.


Lorza said...

I am sorry you are having to go through all this girl. I hope you grandmother is doing okay.

I bet it does suck having to go back to work! Hopefully you will have a good Monday. <3

annacyclopedia said...

Oh, friend - it sounds really hard on everyone. And if you're anything like me, even if you are coping with your own grief well enough, it can be draining and difficult to be amongst others who are struggling a lot more.

Sending all of you wishes for peace and self-care in this hard time.

Queenie. . . said...

I am so sorry about your grandfather. Wishing you a peaceful week at work, as you try to process all of this.

~Jess said...

I'm still thinking about and praying for you's such a hard thing to go through...for so many different levels. *hugs*