Tuesday, February 8, 2011

How quickly it all comes back.

I have a co-worker who is pregnant.  She is still early in her pregnancy, and it is her first child.

I am happy for her.  But...

I want one more.  I love my son.  I think he is beautiful and perfect and wonderful.  But I do want another child.

I am jealous of how easily she got pregnant.  It is not fair.

She probably got a surprise in a positive pregnancy test.  I got blood draws and surprise beta numbers.

She did not have to work for it.  I did.  I got injections and scans and procedures.  If I want another child, I will probably have to get more injections and scans and procedures.

She has a naivete I never did.  I have a hunch she is not worried about miscarrying during the first trimester, or when the baby is viable.

How quickly it all comes back.  The jealousy, the envy, the big green monster.

I am jealous of her naturally conceived child.  Something I will likely never have.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

It is a weird feeling, isn't it? Even when I was pregnant or holding my newborn son, I was almost angry at people who could get pregnant so easily.

I guess IF never really leaves us.