Thursday, February 17, 2011

Torn.

There have been a bunch of pregnancy announcements from bloggers who had IVF.  These pregnancy announcements are naturally conceived pregnancies.  I think it is great that they conceived on their own.  I am very happy for them, and I know that they are over the moon.

But.

(There is always a "but" when it comes to infertility, isn't there?)

I want a naturally conceived pregnancy, too.  I wish it was that easy for me.  Some dreams never die, I guess.

For some reason, I know in my heart that I am not going to get it.  I can feel in my bones that I am going to have to go back for an FET with my frozen embryos and eggs. 

Right now, that sort of freaks me out. 

Fortunately, I do not have to do anything about it.  I am still breastfeeding, so an RE would not want to touch me right now, anyway.  I also really would like to have at least two years between children, so now is all wrong anyway.

Try telling that to my heart.  My heart is telling me that I want to do it again, right now!  My head is telling me to chill out and hold off, it will be better later.

Someone tell my heart to shut up.

4 comments:

Dean said...

Its hard isn't it? I read about all those natural pregnancies (and they seem like they are everywhere?). And I am truly happy for them, thrilled that they got pregnant naturally.
But, I know I will never ever be pregnant. And that is something I just have to continue to cope with.

Jamie said...

It ~is~ very hard. Even with my perfect Skeeter, the green monster still lurks.

I guess IF never really leaves us.

~Jess said...

(poop! I don't know if my other comment went through or not).

I know how you feel: I've been seeing those too (bump.com and blogs). I wish it could happen to me *hugs*

Tami W. said...

Don't feel bad we are one of those couples who will probably always have to do ivf. We are pregnant again but it took a full round of ivf again! I also really wish it could happen naturally like so many others but I guess it's not in the game plan for us. Keep your chin up!