Our fridge conked out on us this past weekend. Which meant that I had to get rid of a lot of stuff that was just hanging around in our fridge. I threw away a lot of old food. Stuff which probably should have been thrown out a while ago.
One thing which should have been thrown out a while ago is the folli.stim I had left over from our IVF cycle. I thought about giving it away, but never seemed to get around to it, and then it expired in February. There was really no reason to keep it.
But I did keep it.
Not sure why I I kept the medication. I guess it is the same reason I have not been able to throw out my sharps containers. (And I work in health care. All I have to do it bring it to work to dispose of it.)
I think it is a reminder to me.
A reminder of how hard we worked to have our son. A reminder of where I have been, and where I will have to go to have another child. We spent so long in the land of IF that I think it became part of who I am. I see myself as infertile, even though I have had a child.
It is a reminder of a time in my life when I struggled with the idea that I would ever be a mother. When I struggled with the idea that our family would ever expand beyond Hubby and me.
I think I do not want to forget about that time in my life. Seeing those medication boxes in the door of the fridge brought a little of it back to me.
Throwing away those boxes with their vials of medications pulled at my heart a little. Those drugs helped to bring my son into being. Those drugs helped me to become a mother. They were a reminder of where I have been, and where I left a part of my heart.