Purging

Our fridge conked out on us this past weekend.  Which meant that I had to get rid of a lot of stuff that was just hanging around in our fridge.  I threw away a lot of old food.  Stuff which probably should have been thrown out a while ago. 

One thing which should have been thrown out a while ago is the folli.stim I had left over from our IVF cycle.  I thought about giving it away, but never seemed to get around to it, and then it expired in February.  There was really no reason to keep it.

But I did keep it.

Not sure why I I kept the medication.  I guess it is the same reason I have not been able to throw out my sharps containers.  (And I work in health care.  All I have to do it bring it to work to dispose of it.)

I think it is a reminder to me.

A reminder of how hard we worked to have our son.  A reminder of where I have been, and where I will have to go to have another child.  We spent so long in the land of IF that I think it became part of who I am.  I see myself as infertile, even though I have had a child. 

It is a reminder of a time in my life when I struggled with the idea that I would ever be a mother.  When I struggled with the idea that our family would ever expand beyond Hubby and me.

I think I do not want to forget about that time in my life.  Seeing those medication boxes in the door of the fridge brought a little of it back to me.

Throwing away those boxes with their vials of medications pulled at my heart a little.  Those drugs helped to bring my son into being.  Those drugs helped me to become a mother.  They were a reminder of where I have been, and where I left a part of my heart.