Friday, December 26, 2008

Post Christmas Randomness

I think I just need to get some of these thoughts out there. If you want to skip this random-ish post, I will not be offended. Mostly just venting, really.

The past few days have been all about family. I think it highlights the differences between my family and Hubby's family. My family is sort of with me on my infertility journey. My mother is sort of excited by the fact that we may end up doing IVF. Hubby's family does not know what to do with the information. We came out to Hubby's mother, and she responded with a story about how she got pregnant within a month of coming of BCP. WTF? That does not make me feel any better about my situation, and it makes me think that you are not going to even try to relate. I have been of BCP for a decade. Without a hit. I was thinking, "Do not tell me how easily you got pregnant. I cannot relate to that because it is not going to happen to me!" Right after this conversation, we got a visit from Hubby's 20-something cousin, who is pregnant for the second time. She brought her husband and son for a visit. (They are great parents, and that is really nice to see in people so young. But still makes me jealous as all get out!) I think mother in law did not understand why we were so reserved. On the bright side, everyone has stopped asking when we are going to have children. I guess that is something.

Hubby's family exhausts me. They live in clutter, and they do not feel the need to do anything about it. They all talk at the same time, loudly and in a regional accent which is difficult to understand. All I can do is smile and nod. I was grateful for the hotel room we had while we were down there. It made life easier for everyone, I think. Most of Hubby's family is getting older, and that is hard for him to see. I did miss taking the dogs, though. I hated leaving them behind. I feel like I could have used them this holiday season. They do seem to like the kennel, so it is not all bad.

The other thing that has been going around my mind is IVF. Hubby's biggest problem with IVF was the cost. Donor insemination was a lot less costly. Now that we may have a way to pay for IVF with ICSI, he feels like he would rather do that than donor insemination. Which means that we may be one of the flakier IF couples out there. IVF really sort of freaks me out. I hate being out of control. Even the IUI with trigger was hard for me. I will probably be a basket case during IVF. I am willing to do it because I want Hubby to feel comfortable with our IF journey. He will end up being involved in it, too. One way or another. IVF just seems like a big deal and one more step up. We do have one last chance to get pregnant with IUI, but I am not holding out a lot of hope for that. I have a hunch it will take IVF or donor insemination to do it.

I am just trying to take things one day at a time.

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