Don't know why, but I am feeling generally anxious about stuff right now. Especially work. I guess that is typical reaction in response to getting in trouble. But because I got in trouble, I am sort of wondering how happy I am in the position. I have switched jobs about once a year since I graduated nursing school. I probably ought to ride this out, and see what happens. Now is not the time for me to make any other major life changes. Pregnancy is enough of a change. Also, I am likely going on maternity leave at the end of the year, and if I switch jobs, I will lose benefits.
I think I will not want to come back after my leave is up. I have a hunch I could find something to do, it just may not be as profitable. Not to mention, there will likely be no benefits associated with the position. I think I will want time with the baby. As much time as I can get.
I just wish there was something I could do to shake the feeling of anxiety I am feeling. Baby stuff, work, insurance, and money are all things I worry about. I hate not having a plan. I hate not knowing what the future holds. I hate feeling like I am being forced to work after the baby gets here. I hate feeling like I am distracted at work. I guess it is all part of being pregnant, but I do not like it. I really like the idea of working flex-time at the hospital (if I can maintain good relations with my job). I like having control over my schedule, and not having call. But no benefits are associated with flex-time work. If I worked regular part time, I could have benefits, but I would have a lot less control over my schedule, and I would likely have to take call. Sigh. I do not know if there are any easy answers.
Neither hubby or I deal with change well, and having a baby brings a lot of changes all at once. Anticipating those changes is really hard. And how we feel will likely change as the pregnancy progresses. I need to trust that things will work out. That is really hard for me.