Sunday, July 26, 2009

Anxious

Don't know why, but I am feeling generally anxious about stuff right now. Especially work. I guess that is typical reaction in response to getting in trouble. But because I got in trouble, I am sort of wondering how happy I am in the position. I have switched jobs about once a year since I graduated nursing school. I probably ought to ride this out, and see what happens. Now is not the time for me to make any other major life changes. Pregnancy is enough of a change. Also, I am likely going on maternity leave at the end of the year, and if I switch jobs, I will lose benefits.

I think I will not want to come back after my leave is up. I have a hunch I could find something to do, it just may not be as profitable. Not to mention, there will likely be no benefits associated with the position. I think I will want time with the baby. As much time as I can get.

I just wish there was something I could do to shake the feeling of anxiety I am feeling. Baby stuff, work, insurance, and money are all things I worry about. I hate not having a plan. I hate not knowing what the future holds. I hate feeling like I am being forced to work after the baby gets here. I hate feeling like I am distracted at work. I guess it is all part of being pregnant, but I do not like it. I really like the idea of working flex-time at the hospital (if I can maintain good relations with my job). I like having control over my schedule, and not having call. But no benefits are associated with flex-time work. If I worked regular part time, I could have benefits, but I would have a lot less control over my schedule, and I would likely have to take call. Sigh. I do not know if there are any easy answers.

Neither hubby or I deal with change well, and having a baby brings a lot of changes all at once. Anticipating those changes is really hard. And how we feel will likely change as the pregnancy progresses. I need to trust that things will work out. That is really hard for me.

4 comments:

Queenie. . . said...

I totally hear you. Mostly, I am trying to take it one day at a time, because the big picture kind of freaks me out.

It's funny--there are a number of pregnant bloggers I read regularly, and it seems like there are a lot of us that don't want to return to our current jobs after the baby is born!

Lorza said...

What a stress. I hope you are able to find something that fits with you guys. I am sorry about the anxiety. {{HUGS}}

andrea said...

i do understand. i hope it all works out in the end - but being anxious and unsure about it, that is so totally normal.

one of hte ways i dealt with it - was just worrying about one thing at a time!

Shinejil said...

I'm on the same page, and despite some of my more poetic posts of late, I've been battling some blues and worries, too. It's partly brought on by the ridiculous diet they put me on (yes, even before torturing with glucose). 2000 cals a day do not a happy pregnant lady make.

This may not be your way, but is there anyone you can talk to, just to have an IRL ear? A therapist (I'm considering talking to mine) or really wise friend who can give you some pointers and tools for navigating this anxiety?

I swear the hormones just make it so much worse...