Funky

I am in a funk right now. I felt bad in general last night, and then I got called to the principal's office at work. I hate it when I do something wrong, and I am probably way harder on myself than anyone else. Positive feed back is rare, the focus tends to be on mistakes and scre-ups. I am trying to convince myself that it is not the end of the world, and I am not going to lose my job tomorrow, and things are not going to fall down around me. It does make me wonder if I am happy at work. I like what I do, and who I work with (most of the time). But I just feel really beat down defeated lately. I do not always look forward to going into work anymore. It always seems to be the same thing with management giving us more to do, and less time to do it in. I am trying to hold out until the end of the year when I will likely go on maternity leave. Maybe I should take a sanity day soon. Maybe things will be better next week when I go back to day shifts. I do not know. I just know that I do not feel happy right now.

My grandfather is in the hospital again. Apparently he has hepatitis from long term picc line use and long term parenteral therapy. Not fun. My grandfather still wants to fight, but it seems to be becoming unclear exactly what he is fighting. I think at the moment he is likely fighting liver failure, which can cause a whole host of other problems. Without the picc and the parenteral nutrition, he will likely not eat enough and starve himself. And then there are the antibiotics he is on, some of which probably should go through a central line. It just does not look good.

My mother has a catatact in one eye, and is coming down here for the surgery. It is cheaper, which is a consideration for them, as they do not have health insurance. My mom and dad are thinking of taking a week's vacation down here when she has the surgery. It may not be a bad idea, as they can get to know the area a bit better.

I have thought a bit about what I want to do after the baby comes. I would love to be able to work part time. I really like the idea of teaching a couple of classes at the community college, and working flex-time at the hospital a couple of days a week. I may look into that, eventually. I like the flexibility that would give me. But the problem with that is there is no insurance offered with either of those positions. Sigh. I wish I did not have to deal with that!

I which I could get out of this funk! Two more evening shifts, and then I am back to day shifts. I miss Hubby!