Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Frozen

I feel like it is difficult for me to do anything. Everything is changing in my life right now and it really freaks me out. I am starting to feel better, when insomnia does not strike. Last night I woke up at quarter to four to pee, and never really did get back to sleep. I kept falling asleep all day. I am starting to wade through paperwork I discovered while clearing out things. At least something is getting done!

Being off of work can feel very isolating after a while. It is difficult for me to put myself out there right now. I tire very easily, I am due in a few months, when things will change a lot. I really ought to be working on nursery stuff, but I have house chores and errands which get in the way and wear me out. I also have one more family commitment before I am through traveling. I decided to put off applying for jobs because I cannot start until March, and I want to see how I feel after the baby is born. There are things I can do now that I am off during the day, such as La.Leche League meetings. I could also make more of an effort to go to church. But it is difficult when Sundays are the only day I have with Hubby. I really just want to spend that time with just the two of us.

Another thing affecting me is that Hubby and I are not sleeping together right now. (In both senses, I am afraid.) We do get together on the weekend, but I think both of us miss the nightly contact with each other. Hubby cannot get used to sleeping on the opposite side of the bed, and he really needs his sleep to function during the day. I do not know what he will do once the baby comes, but I guess at least he will be back on his own side. Both of us feel distant from each other right now, and it hard on us. Not sure how well either of us are sleeping. Hubby said that he would try sleeping with me tonight, just to see what happens.

My last trip during the pregnancy is up to northern Virginia to bury my grandfather at Arlington Cemetery. Hubby is driving us up there, and we are boarding the dogs. The burial is Friday. I am sure that is affecting me somehow, but it is hard to tell because of everything else I am feeling right now. My family is really excited to see me, despite the sad circumstances. I suspect the pregnancy offers them a distraction from grief. Going up there makes me tired because it always seems like everyone has something they want to do with me. My aunt wants to take me shopping for a glider, and then out to eat the day after the funeral. I will try to do it, but I told her I wanted to see how I feel on Saturday. I think that is fairly reasonable. It sounds like it will be a stressful weekend.

1 comment:

JamieD said...

I know this weekend will be difficult for you but I hope you enjoy the visit with your family. Remember to not only grieve the loss of your grandfather but also to celebrate his life and all he meant to you.

In the last month or so of my pregnancy and the first month after Skeeter's birth, Hubby and I rarely slept in the same bed together. He has terrible allergies and was coughing and sneezing through the night and didn't want to bother what little sleep I was managing to get. I was scared to death the distance I felt between us would only get deeper but in the last 2-3 weeks it has been soooo much better. Once the kiddo moved to his room, starting sleeping through the night and I got the green light from my OB that everything 'down there' was okay, things between us improved dramatically.

I know when you are so fatigued, the end seems like an eternity away. But you will get there and survive it all. Keep your chin up!