I think every infertile is conflicted about Mother's Day. It does not seem to matter whether they are not yet a parent, or currently parenting after infertility. We seem to have issues with this holiday.
Growing up, I learned that you always show appreciation for your mother on Mother's day. You make a card, and/or make a gift which tells your mother how much you appreciate her. You do special things for mom, like go out to lunch with her, or what ever else she wants to do. I usually had cards for my mother, my aunt, and both my grandmothers. They all were worthy of my appreciation, I thought.
Then we had years and years of infertility, and I avoided Mother's day. It was too painful to be reminded of a role I may never have. Celebrating mothers was like salt in a wound. I started hiding on Mother's Day, and avoiding the entire holiday.
Now that I am a mother of a young child myself, I would like to be shown the appreciation. But I still am not a big fan of Mother's Day. It is too much Hall.mark sappy and sweet.
I want the appreciation, but without all the sappiness. I often feel under-appreciated and it would be nice to have a day where I would not have to ask for the appreciation I want. It does not have to be much. The opportunity to sleep in, something special for breakfast, or the opportunity to eat a meal uninterrupted. That is all I ask.
I may skip church because I do not want to be a part of the Mother's Day hoopla that always seems to happen. I may opt not to go out to eat, because the crowds will be crazy. Mother's day is still a reminder of the hurt I suffered before I had Little Dude. There is still the memory of pain which interferes with any celebration I take part in. Infertility is a part of my life, and I cannot forget about it for a day.
I suspect that I will always have some conflict with Mother's day. I can only hope that over time, I will become more comfortable with the holiday.