Give me faith!

I feel awful. I have a headache, my back hurts, I am a little on the queasy side, I am tired and irritable, too. Yeah, I am a lot of fun to be around today. Things seem to have gone smoothly this cycle, though not on my time line. I am grumpy that Hubby will not be with me for retrieval. He cannot get away from court. He has 9 cases tomorrow. He is coming tomorrow evening to pick me up from c'ville, though. That is something. But I will miss him tomorrow at the procedure. I think he is going to try to be there for transfer, though. Sigh. Not what I wanted, but I will have to make do.

I really hate being out of control. I hate not having things perfect, at least as I see it in my mind. I want things to go smoothly and on my schedule. Because of all of that, I am horrible with procedures. Thank goodness there are drugs involved! Otherwise, I would be more crazy than I am. I love my doctor, and I get the feeling that he works with this anesthesiologist a lot. That makes me feel a lot better about the procedure.

I just wish there was something to make me feel better now.


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Just to answer some questions you all had from my last post.

1. Hubby has sperm stored at the IVF center from previous cycles we did with the Wizard. So there is no problem with him not being there. All the Wizard needs is a few sperm, because we are doing ICSI. I think we have that, at least. I still wish we could have had a fresh sample. Sigh. Not perfect, dammit, but it will have to do.

2. I work in the OR, and the only outlets we have for self expression are our hats and our socks. I happen to have an OR hat which has chickens and eggs on it. I also plan on wearing socks I received in the Great Sock Exchange from M (of Quiet Sanctuary.) (You can read about that here.) She sent me three pairs of socks, and I wore one pair for baseline. I am going to wear another for retrieval.

So here is what I plan on wearing, along with that fabulous-o hospital gown....


If I can just keep from freaking out too much, I should be fine. I think...