Saturday, June 13, 2009

The Pregnant Infertile

I know, the title sounds weird. But it does happen, and apparently it happened to me. It is still hard for me to believe that I really am pregnant. I am not really showing yet. The only symptoms are larger tits, fatigue, and protein cravings. (I am nuts over nuts!) According to the calendar, I am about 9.5 weeks pregnant. My first OB appointment is Monday. It still feels very bizarre for me. It is still hard for me to tell people, "I am pregnant." Just feels strange coming out of my mouth.

Hubby is freaked out by the idea of us having a baby. I think he is worried about money and stuff while I am off work the first few months. Not to mention all the stuff we have to do to prepare for our child. I think he is worried that he will not be a good father. Personally, I think he will make a terrific father.

It is a strange thing. We went from not being able to have children to being pregnant in one cycle. That is all it takes. We spent so much effort and money getting to that point, we did not think about what it would be like to be on the other side. I think few of us do because it hurts too much. Now I have to figure out a nursery and start collecting baby stuff. So far the only things I have bought baby-wise are a few books. "Horton Hears a Who", "Horton Lays an Egg," and "Guess How Much I Love You" (a cardboard book.)

I still feel tied to the infertility community. While at the library today, I looked at a book that discussed the toll that family friendly society has on women without children. I considered checking it out because it sounded interesting to me. It may have looked a little odd next to the sewing for baby book, though. Even though I will likely have one of my own, I am not liking the family/kid-friendly focus of society. It just seems stupid to me.

Honestly, I think there should be more stuff which caters to pregnant infertiles. We react differently than fertiles do, and we are also growing in numbers. (So there is a market out there for us!) I fully believe that our pregnancy needs are different. We should have pregnancy books without belly shots on the cover. We should have guides to navigating baby sections of stores and baby superstores without getting freaked out and having a meltdown. How to make the transition to being a regular OB patient. How to handle the waiting on this side of it. (Apparently the waiting is never over.) How to reassure yourself while you wait. How to give up your wine and caffiene without going crazy. How to handle a fertile's excitement over your pregnancy without smacking them. How to respond to all those idiotic octo-mom cracks without smacking anyone. Apparently violence is not the answer, though it may seem like a really good option.

The pregnancy and baby books I have are helpful. Baby Bargains is a very helpful book for first time parents who have no freaking idea what they need. (Like us.) The Mayo Clinic book on pregnancy is also very reassuring. It even breaks down when to call your doctor. But none of the books address most of the above issues. Those seem to be important issues to the pregnant infertile. At least they are for me.

So what do you all think? Is there anything else a pregnant infertile's book on pregnancy should include?


Infertile In the City said...

Yup I think that is a great idea, a book for those women who have tried for a long time to get pregnant, because it is different.

~Jess said...

I personally like the part about not smacking fertiles who are uber-excited for you: I always want to smack them, drives me nuts!

It is different for us.

Hope in Virginia said...

Hi Va Blondie! Thanks so much for your comments at my blog was so excited to check out your blog and to find out that you are finally expecting - that is TERRIFIC news! Congrats. So one cycle of IVF did the trick? Hope the same is true for us!

Anyways, so as you probably knew from the title of my blog, I am in VA. I currently live in Alexandria but all of my family, and my husband's family, is in Roanoke and Salem! And I grew up in Christiansburg. We love that area! So in my mind we are neighbors!

Congrats again!!!!

Queenie. . . said...

I like the Mayo Clinic book, too--it's not too alarmist.

I haven't seen any books that focus on pregnancy after infertility, as a whole. I wonder if there is one?

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