Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I think I have been ignoring certain things. I took my pulse this morning after going back to bed for a while, and it was just over 100. I have been ignoring the fact that I get out of breath going up and down the stairs to let the dogs out. I feel tired all the time. And then there is the random nausea. The frustrating thing is that these symptoms are also common with pregnancy. It is hard to tell which are pregnancy symptoms and which are the result of tachycardia. I am just trying to be gentle with myself. I think that is all I can do.

Yesterday I came to the realization that I do not have a lot of control over what is happening to me. All I can do is rest, and even then, my heart still beats fast. Physiologically, I understand what is likely happening. My blood volume is increased due to the pregnancy, which causes my heart to work harder. In order for my heart to pump the increased volume, it tries to pump faster in an effort to be more efficient. Knowing what is likely happening does not make it any easier to deal with. I still feel like my body betrayed me. Again. (As if dealing with IF wasn't bad enough!) I want to be able to walk dogs and work and keep up with life. But I get tired just going downstairs to let the dogs out. I get out of breath when I walk my dogs. I just want to cry because it feels like I should still be able to do these things. I am pregnant, I do not want to be sick on top of that!

I know that heart problems are serious problems and I should take them seriously. I hate the fact that Hubby is scared for me. I hate the fact that I think I am now a high risk pregnancy. (Or maybe medium risk at least. Fairly sure I am not low risk anymore.) I suspect that I will be out of work for a while because of my heart problems. Maybe even the rest of the pregnancy. I guess it is better to have me at home and taking it easy than risk work and another misadventure at the hospital.

I honestly thought it would be my blood sugar causing problems for me, not my heart.

5 comments:

JamieD said...

After IF, once you get pregnant it feels like the hard part is over. It isn't fair that you don't get smooth sailing from here on out.

Are you still going to see a cardiologist? I hope you get answers soon.

annacyclopediaisworkingonit said...

This may be totally stupid to ask, and of course you know a lot more about physical health than I do, but how is your blood pressure? A lot of what you are saying is similar to how I felt when mine was lower than what is normal for me - fatigue, nausea, feeling like crap generally. For me, when I'd check my bp, it would be just slightly lower than what was normal for me, but I guess that was enough to make me feel lousy. I just tried to eat lots of salt and drink a TON of water to help it stay up.

Ok, end of assvice.

Wonky things happen in pregnancy, and it is hard. It sucks to feel so out of control and the worry is unlike anything else I've ever experienced. I'm glad you are being gentle with yourself - just keep that up!

Hugs to you.

Lorza said...

I am so sorry sweetie! {{HUGS}} This just sucks that you are going through this. When does the crap storm stop? Thinking about you!

Queenie. . . said...

I am SO sorry that you are going through this. For what it's worth, I am out of breath from stairs, too. And if I'm carrying my laptop and a bag with just a few files in it, I am REALLY winded at the top. I'm not tired or nauseous, though, but everyone has such different symptoms. Take it easy and try not to worry. We're really into the final stretch now, and soon this will all be behind you.

kate said...

How scary. I am so sorry you are dealing with this, but it seems like you have a really fantastic attitude about it, that you recognize that you can't control anything, really. Someday, I'll crack my thick head open and let that realization in myself...