Let me start this post by explaining a few things. Hubby's father has been very generous to us. He loves having Hubby in the area, and is very proud of what Hubby has accomplished. If Hubby ever gets up the guts to ask, his father will likely be willing to pay for IVF. That being said, Hubby's stepmother is rather self centered. All of her children have children, and she is ga-ga over the grandchildren. She is constantly going to visit the grandchildren, who live out of the area.
Hubby's dad and stepmother usually do a dinner with us around Christmas and do a gift exchange. I think they feel like it is something they need to do around the holidays. They do not really try to get together with us outside of the holidays. Every now and again they will include us in other holiday celebrations during the year. But it is not a regular thing. I think this is why they do not really know me, and usually do not know how to take me.
Over Christmas they got sick. I think there has been a norovirus sort of thing going around the area. It has been making a lot of people sick. I can understand that. A lot of my co-workers got really sick around the holidays. I know it can be miserable.
Now remember, Hubby's dad and stepmother got sick at the end of December. They still have not gotten together with us to celebrate the holiday. It is almost the middle of January at this point.
Can I say I am a little offended by this? Apparently because we do not have children, we are not high on the priority list. The stepmother has probably been to visit her children and grandchildren. I am sorry, but putting us off makes me feel like we are not as important. I have a feeling that our priority will change when and if we have children. This sort of ticks me off. All I can say is that they will not be high on my priority list after I have children. Especially if this is how they see us now. (Not that they are high on my priority list right now.)
You know what I think should happen? Just give us the damn Christmas gifts when Hubby meets his dad. They meet on a regular basis, so it would be convienient for all involved, and they would not have to do a dinner no one wanted to attend.
Do you think I am too bitter about all of this?
3 comments:
Sigh. Yes, not having children means often being benched -- and you're right it is offensive. Sounds like stepmother is a Gramzilla -- a variation on a Momzilla. Seems she has an almost an extreme kind of narcissim doesn't it? Me, My kids, My Grandkids.
I have a very similar situation with a family member, only it's not due to our lack of kids. We are always put last on the list, and I have found it off-putting. But I finally had to tell myself that it wasn't my issue and it wasn't about me, since I tried and wasn't getting anything back. When I finally gave myself permission to stop tying myself in knots to make the relationship work, it was a huge relief. Now, it's sort of like, whatever will be, will be. If she calls, she calls--but if she calls and I have plans, I don't feel like I have to cancel them. Before, I had so much angst about the whole thing--being available on her terms, when we would be able to get together, etc. I've let it all go, and I feel so much better about it.
Oh, I can relate. I realized over Christmas that I was spending so much energy trying to get my parents to pay attention to me, and then the crushing realization that until I have a baby, they just won't, not in the same way they treat my sisters and the nephews. It's a real bitch to feel so slighted. So no, you are not too bitter - if only because I am just as bitter and I don't want to think there's anything wrong with how I'm feeling!
Hang in there. You will get your revenge when you tell them you'd rather have a playdate with friends instead of letting them visit their grandchild.
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