Sunday, January 25, 2009


I am feeling achy and irritable today. Some of what I am feeling may be the result of the follistim injections. I feel like I am just going through the motions this cycle. I am doing the injections and going to my cooter cam appointments, but I am not thinking about how this cycle will turn out. Maybe I will get lucky, but I just do not know.

I have been thinking about all the stuff infertiles are told when we open up about or infertility. I have heard some of it again recently. I feel like I have heard it all. I went off BCP in 1998, so I have had a decade to hear everything. There are some things which I just want to smack people when I hear it.

1. "Just relax." Personally, I have not heard this for a while. I think I get a pass on this when I tell people that we are using injectable meds. I believe that fact indicates that we have some major infertility issues. This piece of advice is given to infertiles way more often than it should. It still pisses me off, though. I have had years to try to relax and take vacations. With nothing to show for it. I do not think relaxing is going to help after a decade.

2. "Why don't you just adopt?" This is the one I have gotten more recently. I feel like this is just ignorant. There is no "just" with adopting. It is not simple and easy. I feel like it is telling someone, "why don't you just go to medical school?" It takes a lot of time, energy and expense to do both. Compared to IVF, it is just as expensive (if not more expensive) to adopt. It is also very invasive. With adoption, you have idiot social workers climbing all over your house and your life and your relationships. It is not the type of invasion that Hubby and I are willing to put up with. Yes, we thought about adopting, and then decided not to. Unless you have researched it yourself, do not judge.

2b. The story of the friend (or friend of a friend) who concieved after adopting a child. Many times this story will follow the above question. Not helpful. I feel like I have heard too many of these stories. They are all the same, and can be summarized by the above sentence. These stories do not give me hope. These stories do not relate to anything I am doing, and tell me that you do not know much about infertility, and that you do not really want to listen to my story and my stuggles. Most people going through infertility hear these stories on a regular basis, and I swear we all feel like it is an urban myth. It never happens to us, and often we know enough about our IF issues that the stories do not even apply to us. Do not tell me any more of these stories. I hate them.

3. If you have to change the subject, please do not discuss your children, or your pregnancy. Because I am infertile, I do not have children, and there is a chance I may never get pregnant. When you talk about your children, it only makes me feel slightly isolated from you. It makes me feel empty and reinforces what I do not have, and what I may never have. Just because you have children does not make you better than me. There is more to life than your children. Get over it.

These are just the ones that are foremost in my mind right now. I am sure there are others which I missed . Anyone else want to rant with me?


Pamela Jeanne said...

What you said. I just can't understand why such simple requests are so F@#king hard to implement.

Sigh. Thinking of you and wishing you peace and strength.

VA Blondie said...

I am debating putting this post on my facebook page so that my IRL friends will better understand how these comments come across. I am actually pretty open about IF stuff at work. It would be nice to try to avoid these dumbass comments, if possible.

Ann said...

I've heard all of those comments as well and wish people would realize just how they sound to those of us on the "other side of the fence." Hang in there - many of us understand.

Queenie. . . said...

I TOTALLY think you should ask why don't they go to med school so they can learn about IF and treat you, the next time you get the "why don't you adopt." Or better yet, why don't they go to med school, so they can PAY FOR your adoption. I kinda love that response.