Hopefully. I have some time without Hubby this morning as he is at a shooting match. I think he needed some de-stress time.
I did actually manage to make it to the pregnancy section at our local B and N. I could not go directly to that section. I buzzed new releases, then the general health section. (That is where I feel more comfortable.) Then I made my way to the family planning section. Do all pregnancy books have to have a damn belly shot on the cover? That is really intimidating for a pregnant infertile. I did manage to walk out with two books on pregnancy. I bought The Whole Pregnancy Handbook. I liked how it included complementary therapy, and was pretty detailed about what happens during pregnancy. I bought a book for Hubby, as well. I thought it was the perfect book for him. The Caveman's Pregnancy Companion. I just seemed like something he would actually read and enjoy. And he has actually looked at it.
There is a section in the book on what happens week by week. I find I cannot read too far ahead. I really cannot think about what happens after week 8. The pregnancy does not even seem real to me, yet. I also live in fear of miscarriage. I just hope nothing happens, and I make it to a week 8 ultrasound. I may be nervous about that until I actually have the appointment and hear the heartbeat (or heartbeats!) I have not idea if I have one or two. I suspect there is only one in there, but there is no way to know until they take a look.
My fear of miscarriage is not unfounded. I know I have PCOS, which is polycystic ovarian syndrome. The risk of early miscarriage in PCOS patients can be as high as 40%. The medical community is not sure why this is, but according to my google research it may be related to high insulin levels and increased blood clotting resulting in poor perfusion to the uterus. This is why I am on the baby aspirin. I am also continuing the metformin to help my insulin levels. At my last (regular) endocrinologist appointment, I had a glucose tolerance test, which seemed to indicate that the met was controlling the PCOS just fine. Dr Sweetness also said to stay on it. From what I can tell, PCOS patients who are on met have a miscarriage rate similar to the rest of the population, about 12%. The jury is still out because there is not alot of research done on the subject. I also have luteal phase support with the PIO injections. Apparently women with PCOS also ovulate late, and can have poor egg quality, which leads to early miscarriage. There is some evidence this can also be helped with fertility meds, and the metformin certainly does not hurt.
Knowing all of this, I think I may very well be nervous until I am out of the first trimester. I think I have good reason to be. But, I do have something to be grateful for: Today I am pregnant.